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Video: Is Love By Correspondence Possible? What's The Chance?
And is it worth getting involved in this adventure at all? The fear of not living up to the expectations of your pen pal, the inability to date and other delights of long distance relationships - is the game worth the candle?
The content of the article
- 1 Love cannot be forgotten
- 2 Jackie Said
- 3 PS
Love cannot be forgotten
Sometimes communication online is so exhausting that a once interesting interlocutor becomes the reason why you try to appear on the Web less and less. How to stop loving a person you have managed to fall in love with by correspondence?
It seems to you that you know this person inside and out. We got acquainted with all its advantages and disadvantages - that is why we fell in love with him so deeply and desperately. Let me disagree with you. Why? Reread the first two words in this paragraph.
Experts believe that it is impossible to fall in love with a person you have never seen in your life. Chat as much as you like - for hours, weeks, months and years. "But we even talked on FaceTime!" - you say. Unfortunately, this is not the same thing at all.
Communicating online, you can easily find a common language. It seems to you that you have already thought everything over and calculated the chances that you were created for each other. But the catch is that online relationships have little to do with real ones.
And until you meet face to face, you cannot say for sure that you love each other.
Why is this so? Let me give the floor to a specialist. Jackie Pilossoff is a divorce writer and writer. She has her own relationship column in the publication. Jackie earned her Masters in Journalism from Boston University. Lives in Chicago with his family. And yes, she is divorced.
Jackie Spoke So2
“Some may disagree with me, but I am only answering the question I was asked. How can two people love each other if they have never touched each other? And I'm not talking about sex now - just about ordinary human touch. And the smell? How about that warmth of intimacy and the ability to savor a loved one? Burrow your nose into her neck, smell her skin and hair. You won't be able to experience it through FaceTime.
How can you love a person whose lips you have not touched? Isn't kissing magic that sometimes makes sure your feelings are real? By the way, sometimes a kiss works exactly the opposite - you understand that you have no love for this person. And in general - how can you say that you love a person if you have never taken his hand in yours, have not felt his breath?
Falling in love means spending a certain period of time with this person. FaceTime is different. All these scheduled dates, when you look your best and are in a good mood, is not at all like that.
To love is to allow him or her to see you in moments when you are vulnerable. When your hair is disheveled or you have a bad cold. Or when you lost your job or found out about the illness of a loved one.
While FaceTime conversations can be very meaningful and trusting, they are overly planned and orderly. True love lives only when you are not ready for anything at all - when you have a seizure or an attack of uncontrolled crying.
Think about it. When someone sends you a message, you have the opportunity to think about the answer and respond when it suits you. There is no spontaneity. And what about Feisttime? You can expose the light, choose the best background, and do whatever it takes to look your best. If you are shy about your body, you can hide your flaws. Hair problems, baldness? A baseball cap rushes to the rescue. Does she have a scar? It can be hidden. It won't work live.
On a real date, you take the luxury of seeing absolutely everything. Hands, toes (if she is wearing open shoes), legs, arms, hair, smile, teeth and - most importantly to me - eyes.
How can you fall in love with someone without ever looking into their eyes? I believe this is impossible.
In addition, real-life dates give you a glimpse of the person's life. How does his apartment smell? Has his bed been removed? There are a million little things that make us fall in love with a person. It is impossible to feel them while communicating online.
My point is that there is nothing wrong with online communication - this is a good start for a relationship. But it is absolutely impossible to fall in love until you spend some time with this person live. I'll tell you something else. You may look back and realize that you were in love before you met in person, but honestly, you never really know if it really was.
Building relationships, dating is scary. Many people find it much more comfortable to hide, using modern technology as a shield. They help to deal with our biggest fear. What are we most afraid of on dates? Feelings of their own vulnerability. It's such a shame. Anyone who has ever had a good relationship will say the following: "If one day you had the courage to appear in front of a person as himself, and he accepted all your flaws and loved you, you experienced the best feeling in the world."
It doesn't work on the Internet."
The Internet is a bulwark of illusion. You can correct your imperfections with photo editing apps. You can escape an unpleasant conversation by reading the message in the notification bar. All of these are small pranks that we all indulge in. But relationships and love in its healthiest sense are much more real and tangible than correspondence on the Internet. Remember this when falling in love with someone you have never seen live.