Table of contents:
- Like the first time i
- Study your partner3
- "How are you?" 4
- Tradition for two5
- Sexy Time6
- Cool dates7
- Stay in the moment9
- Break instead of scandal10
- Dig Deeper11
- You don't have to agree12
- Fake apologies don't make sense13
- The main secret14
Video: Secrets Of Building Perfect Relationships
And why aren't we taught really important things in school? Logarithms, formulas and the Pythagorean theorem are all great, of course. But knowing how to handle legs and hypotenuses and knowing the dates of birth of long-dead individuals are unlikely to help you build a healthy relationship with your partner. So we have to fill our shots and learn from our own mistakes. Long, painful, energy consuming. So what to do?
The content of the article
- 1 Like the first time
- 2 Ask
- 3 Explore your partner
- 4 "How are you?"
- 5 Tradition for two
- 6 Sexy time
- 7 Cool dates
- 8 Touch
- 9 Be in the moment
- 10 Break instead of scandal
- 11 Dig deeper
- 12 you don't have to agree
- 13 Fake apologies don't make sense
- 14 The main secret
Stop! Nobody forbids you to learn from other people's mistakes and listen to the advice of knowledgeable people. Speaking of knowledgeable people …
Allison Cohen is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in California. She earned her Master's Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Pepperdine University and has over 12 years of experience helping individuals and couples achieve their best results.
She has compiled a list of 13 actionable tips to help you build strong, healthy partnerships.
We take out pens and double leaves, kids!
Like the first time i
Months and years fly by. You get used to each other and start to get lazy little by little. I no longer want to pretend and present myself in the best light. What for? He (a) already knows everything about me. Trying to surprise and impress your partner? Somehow I don't want to. Better to turn on the show and stay home.
Patience, understanding and gentleness are also depleted. Sometimes very fast. You don't understand why your relationship is not what it used to be.
And the point is that you just stopped trying to do something. For your partner, for your relationship, and even for yourself.
Make a list of everything that you have safely given up on - romantic weekend trips, cute traditions like notes with confessions, the desire to dress beautifully even at home, the habit of arranging unusual dates, etc. Made up? Reread. And urgently start to carry out point by point.
For some reason, it seems to us that long-term relationships turn our partners into psychics who can read minds: “I will not say what I want! Is it really so hard to guess?"
What do we end up with? Inflated expectations, the collapse of illusions and a heap of unnecessary insults.
Learn to talk about your desires. No claims, ultimatums and reproaches. Talk about anything you would like to get from your partner - be it a restaurant for the evening or some kind of sexual desire.
Study your partner3
Do you know the person next to you so well? And do you want to try to recognize him?
Do you consider yourself an expert in everything related to your partner? We don’t want to upset you, but most likely you are mistaken. We so love to think out their thoughts for others, make desires for them and analyze the motives of their actions, that we are often grossly mistaken about the most dear people.
You can just have a heart-to-heart talk, or you can play a game like 36 Questions. The main thing is to be prepared for the fact that your partner can open up to you from a new side.
"How are you?" 4
We hear this question so often that we have forgotten how to answer it sincerely. We are asked about this by friends, relatives, colleagues and people who, in general, do not care about our "business".
Such patterned questions lead to the same patterned answers. This exchange of pleasantries every night is unlikely to strengthen the bond between you.
If this works for your pair, okay, let's move on. But if you see that this phrase does not cause much enthusiasm, try asking your partner a more original question. For example:
- "Well, what crazy happened to you today?"
- “How many times did you smile today?”
- "On a scale of one to ten, how difficult has it been today?"
When your partner speaks, listen to him by looking into his eyes. Take a break from your business, go up to him and hug him. You can reply to messages later. And burnt scrambled eggs are not so scary.
Tradition for two5
Have you ever had cute traditions and rituals that you safely forgot about, getting stuck in your problems and worries? Urgently reanimate the romantic routine! Right here today.
And if you have never had any habits and rituals, it's time to come up with them. For example, once a week you go to the park for a walk. Or go to your favorite cafe. Or once a month you take time off from work, turn off social networks and arrange a date for yourself - be sure only together and outside the apartment.
What turns you on the most about your partner? Discuss this at your leisure. Make a list of the sexy things you really care about. For example, you really like it when your boyfriend cooks dinner and dances to the music. Or you can't take your eyes off your girlfriend when she dresses in your T-shirt at home (and she's not wearing anything else).
Share your insights and start putting them into practice. When? At the first opportunity.
You can also discuss your partner's “non-sexy” habits. The main thing is to present everything with humor and in a gentle way.
More imagination! The cinema and the restaurant are great. Couples who don't go anywhere at all will be delighted with such a rendezvous.
But still it is worth adding a little originality.
Believe it or not, money problems and lack of time are not critical. A date doesn't have to cost four figures. And people who spend several hours a day flipping through feeds on social networks can hardly say with a clear conscience that they have an insanely busy schedule.
Search the internet for low-budget dating ideas. Send the kids / cats / dogs into good hands for a few hours and spend time with each other.
Kissing, hugging, and sex are insanely important ingredients for a healthy relationship. Talk about sex. Do it. Touch each other more often (this is not just about sex).
The amount of sex is an indicator that is individual for each couple. By the way, you would not hurt to discuss this issue. It is better to learn about an emerging problem and start solving it than to part from the accumulated resentments and omissions.
What was your relationship like in the early days, weeks and months? Did you constantly hold hands, watch movies only hugging and have a habit of kissing every morning, going about your business? We turn on the time machine and return to the past.
Stay in the moment9
Having sex, sitting at dinner in a restaurant, discussing the day or eating a cold pizza on Sunday morning, you are in the moment. Next to your partner. Listen and feel it. All problems will be solved later.
Break instead of scandal10
When you're in the middle of a fight and emotions are running high, it's worth taking a break. Stop yelling at each other and agree to continue the conversation after 10 minutes, half an hour, or tomorrow night.
In the heat of an argument, you can say a lot of things that you will regret after a few minutes. Don't let this destructive energy take over you. Take a break and regain your ability to think sanely.
Conflicts are inevitable. You just need to learn how to behave correctly. Talk about how you are feeling and why. Instead of insults, say: “I feel uncomfortable because…. I understand that now you are offended because of my words. I feel that …".
This approach requires courage and honesty. It is much easier to send your partner to hell than to talk about your feelings and show your vulnerability.
You will always have time to send it. And then start yelling at each other and disperse to different rooms, breaking all the dishes.
But let's dispense with the second-rate Mexican TV series today.
You don't have to agree12
But try to understand your partner. Learn to look at things from different angles. Relationships are always teamwork. The “there are two opinions - mine and the wrong” approach has never helped anyone build healthy relationships.
Fake apologies don't make sense13
“Sorry, I can’t help it,” “sorry you think so,” and other excuses for show do not make any sense.
Try to understand why your words or actions hurt your loved one so much. You have read the previous paragraphs and you know how to listen to your partner and take his place, right?
Listen, accept, speak up, apologize. Discuss what can be done under the circumstances.
But! Don't let your partner play on your guilt. If there are problems in a relationship, and it's always you who apologize, something is wrong here.
The main secret14
Accept that there are no perfect relationships. Give up the idea of building the Ideal Relationship in which there will never be any quarrels. This is utopia. Couple conflict is not a disaster. Infantilism and fear of the slightest difficulties and disagreements are much worse.