Is There An Optimal Age Difference Between A Man And A Woman?

2023 Author: Miles Ford | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-08-25 09:40

For more than one century, disputes about marriage of different ages have not ceased. At different times and in different countries, there are always people who arrange their personal lives as they deem it necessary, regardless of what the forecasts of statistics promise and their society approves or condemns.

The content of the article

• 1 Does the exact formula for the ideal age difference exist?
• 2 What if the spouses are of the same age?
• 3 The most common model of relationships - a man is older than his chosen one
• 4 Why does an accomplished woman need a young husband?
• 5 What motivates men to choose older women as spouses?
• 6 So after all, what is more in uneven-aged marriages, pluses or minuses?
• 7 Unequal "star" marriages.
• 8 So how do you treat unequal marriages?

And the attitude has never been unambiguous. In Russia, the aristocrats traditionally passed off young ladies for mature, gray-haired, respectable gentlemen, but at the same time there was a concept of mesalliance and young "swans" passed off as old people were sorry. Remember the painting "Unequal Marriage" known from school.

Now we have gone far from the patriarchal traditions of the past. Since the beginning of this century, statisticians have noted a significant increase in the percentage of unequal marriages. What is the reason for this? Apparently, society is becoming more and more tolerant, and emancipation with feminism is winning more and more freedoms for women.

Does the exact formula for the ideal age difference exist? I

Not only the residents of Russia are haunted by this question. The Chinese tried to derive a formula and this is what happened - according to the sages of the Middle Kingdom, the age of the wife should be equal: divide the age of the husband by two and add seven. What is remarkable about this formula is that the older a man is, the younger his wife should be.

Our experts in the field of relationship psychology continue to argue that an ideal-cloudless relationship is more likely to develop with a difference of 5-6 years if a man is older. Apparently, statisticians do not agree with psychologists. The fact that 37% of such marriages break up is a verified and documented fact.

In the United States, the ideal age difference between a man and a woman is one year - The probability of separation, calculated by the ubiquitous statisticians, is only 1%. Europeans have their own opinion: a husband should be at least 6 and a maximum of 15 years older. Apparently, as many psychologists, there are so many opinions.

What if the spouses are the same age? 2

Maybe, if there is no age difference, then there are no problems, no questions? After all, such marriages in Russia are 27% of the total. But no, it's not that simple.

We sat at the same desk, grew up in the same yard, children's love turned into strong affection. Together they study further, travel whenever possible, a lot of common interests. Ideally? Unfortunately, not always. The biological clock ticks differently for men and women. A woman at 23 can seriously think about a child, and a man is still far from that.

Didn't walk up, didn't build a career, didn't create a solid material base for the family. So the relationship will be preserved and will continue only if there really is love, mutual understanding and a willingness to compromise. Otherwise, the divorce statistics will be replenished with one more case.

And if peers remarry, already in adulthood? There is experience, life has taught us to be tolerant of each other, to close our eyes not inevitable shortcomings of a partner, to value dignity and respect his interests. There are many chances for a happy family life.

The most common relationship model is that a man is older than his chosen one

If you look through the literature on the psychology of relationships, it is difficult not to notice that marriage is often called harmonious, where a man is several years older. General trends can be traced, albeit with great difficulty. There are too many individual nuances. Relationships are not a strict sequence of mathematical formulas. And yet:

• The age difference between a man and a woman is 5-7 years: just during this time, a man biologically "catches up" his companion. Activity in sex coincides, interests are still common. From a material point of view, everything is the best possible way. For example, by the age of 30, a man has a specialty, a promising job, the opportunity to purchase housing to create a family "nest", and a woman at 24 is young, beautiful and ready for motherhood. And the risk of betrayal is almost absent - why should a man go “to the left” if his spouse is young and attractive? Even harsh statistics favor this group: these couples have the lowest divorce rate.
• 10-12 years age difference is also not particularly striking in society and is recognized as normal: a man's life experience, both practical and emotional, allows a woman in such marriages to feel not only young, beautiful and loved, but also wealthy and protected. Conflicts, as a rule, are resolved due to the fact that the man has already acquired sufficient wisdom and the ability to compromise.
• With an age difference of more than 15 - 20 years, we are talking about different generations. Such marriages were called misalliance before. Now, most of those who like to discuss the details of someone else's personal life see in such cases an unavoidable material background, insincerity and lack of feelings on the part of the young wife. Indeed, a woman gets an intelligent, experienced, financially secure man. But what about problems in intimate life? Of course, a man, having acquired a young life friend, will take care of himself, take care of his physical form, but age is age. Many problems can arise with the issue of having children. The man, most likely, already has grandchildren and he can safely consider his mission of procreation fulfilled, but here the young wife insists on repeating the period of strollers, diapers and sleepless nights. And the likelihood of cheating with such a difference in age increases many times. Difficulties will turn out to be insurmountable and will naturally lead to divorce if, in fact, apart from mercantile considerations, there was nothing at the heart of the marriage. At the same time, in a huge number of cases, the emotional community of spouses, mutual respect and affection may well make an unequal marriage strong, happy and lasting.

For a girl, marriage to an old man has more advantages than disadvantages. The material base for a comfortable life is already there, practical life experience and social status allow the husband to help his young wife with education and a career. And the spouse resolves the arising everyday difficulties quickly and efficiently.

A significant drawback will manifest itself if the difference in the age of a man and a woman is very great. As you might guess, we are talking about physiology. The peaks of sexual activity obviously do not coincide and the likelihood of betrayal on the part of a young wife increases significantly.

Still, marriage according to the "older man, younger woman" scheme is a familiar classic (of course, if we are not talking about an 83-year-old Malaysian who married a 22-year-old girl and got into the Guinness Book of Records in this regard). Much more emotions, mostly negative, are caused in people by women who have chosen a young man as their companion.

Why does an accomplished woman need a young husband? 3

There is a good example in our history. Catherine II was much older than Potemkin. For as long as 10 years. And after all, he was not only a favorite and second person in the empire for more than a dozen years. Meticulous historians have found that they were husband and wife quite officially. And they were happy.

But the novel of the same Catherine, already old, almost dying, with a young unprincipled insolent Zubov acquired such ugly forms that it remained an unpleasant spot even on the pages of history.

However, enough about the past. Now the number of families in which the wife is somewhat older than her husband is only increasing. As already mentioned, this is most likely due to feminization and the increased tolerance of society. But still, not every woman decides to have a serious relationship with a man whose age is significantly different from her own, fearing the condemnation of those around her, she does not plan them. The decision to enter into a relationship with a young man is accompanied by thoughts of an unclear future and fears of appearing older than they are against the background of a young spouse.

A self-confident lady can get a lot of advantages from such a marriage:

• A woman next to a young partner is getting younger not only emotionally, but also physically, starting to intensively monitor her appearance, physical form and nutrition.
• Sex with a young husband cannot be considered a minus.
• Ladies with hypertrophied maternal instinct, moreover, gain the opportunity to realize it in caring for a young spouse.

What motivates men to choose older women as spouses? 4

We will not consider cases when a man is just an unprincipled gigolo. With this, everything is clear - who deserves condemnation and who deserves sympathy. But what about if the young man's feelings are sincere? The answer is simple: a mature woman is more sexually experienced, more tolerant of shortcomings, more interesting and versatile in communication than young girls. If a woman also takes care of herself, knows how to dress, skillfully apply makeup - for a certain type of men, she turns out to be a very attractive partner for a lasting relationship. One should not forget about the need of men for female care either: here youth is definitely inferior to experience.

So after all, what is more in uneven-age marriages, pros or cons?

The question is complex. Once again referring to statistics, some conclusions can still be drawn. So: the age difference between a man and a woman under 10 is unlikely to become critical if there is a truly sincere feeling, understanding and mutual respect in the relationship.

With a difference of 15 - 20 years or more (and there are about 5% of such marriages of the total number), the likelihood is too high that one partner is simply using the other, which cannot be called healthy relationships. Different generations, different interests, different need for sex, difficulties with the question, is it worth it and is it possible to have children … There are a lot of problems, even if we do not take into account the fact that society will discuss and condemn (especially if the eldest in an unequal marriage is a woman).

Nevertheless, there are still examples of happy families, where the spouses have a huge age difference. Maybe such spouses are just halves of one whole, have the same view of the world and their opinions are similar in all matters? In that case, what difference does it make how many years later or earlier one of them was born?

Unequal "star" marriages._171187

How without examples from the life of celebrities? Whether we like it or not, popular, bright and strong personalities influence society, break many common stereotypes and create new trends. Among them is the President of the United States. Trump married Melania Knauss when he was 58 and she was only 34. The difference is more than 20 years, but does anyone consider the marriage a failure?

If you want to know more about the life and history of Melania Trump, follow the link below!

The still charming Joanne Collins was not at all afraid of gossip, choosing another husband who is 34 years younger.

The marriage of "Mr. and Mrs. Smith", Brad Pitt and the lovely Angelina Jolie broke up, but was anyone embarrassed by their age difference - 10 years?

Johnny Depp, Tom Cruise, Michael Douglas. What do they have in common? It's just that their wives are 20 or more years younger than their companions.

Sultry beauty Jennifer Lopez, after an unsuccessful marriage, seems to have found love, despite the fact that the dancer Casper is 18 years younger.

Whatever it may seem, marriage of different ages is only a Western trend, we will also mention our celebrities.

The union of Nadezhda Babkina and the Mountain has ceased to be considered insincere, it seems only recently. But they have been together for more than 10 years, despite the 30 years of age difference.

Nadezhda Babkina and Evgeny Gor

Gradsky is already 65, and his wife Marina Kotashenko is only 33. How many convictions and accusations of insincerity have this couple experienced in 12 years of relationship. Meanwhile, they are doing well. The appearance of an heir in 2015 definitely proves this.

It seems that this list should not be continued indefinitely. There are many examples of happy marriages in which there is an age difference between a man and a woman.

So how do you treat unequal marriages? 6

Simple - as one of the phenomena of life. People meet and fall in love from the heart, not thinking about age. If happiness smiled at a woman over 40, or a man over 50, it is hardly worth giving it up just because of a few years of age difference. To depend on the opinion of others is also not the best solution, and this opinion is not always objective and benevolent.

Marina Kotashenko and Alexander Gradsky

So it is worth understanding and accepting one simple thing - each person is free to build his own life, to make his own mistakes and to do what is fascinating.. And, of course, choose his life partner.