Table of contents:
- What is an open relationship? I
- There is nothing wrong with monogamy2
- Free relationship rules3
- Is there a place for jealousy in an open relationship? 4
- What to do when your partner goes out on a date 5
- Is it likely to fall in love with another person?
- How do I start an open relationship? 7
Video: Free Relationship: What Is It Really?
There are many people in the world who believe that monogamy is not for them. Perhaps you also think that being in a relationship with several people at the same time is okay. However, society is struggling to convince the opposite, proving that relationships should be built with only one person and preferably for the rest of your life. And even if you struggle to meet that standard, the temptation is still stronger, and your partners suffer the most, because hurting another person is still wrong.
The content of the article
- 1 What is an "open relationship"?
- 2 There is nothing wrong with monogamy.
- 3 Rules of free relations
- 4 Is there a place for jealousy in an open relationship?
- 5 What to do when your partner goes out on a date
- 6 Is it likely to fall in love with another person?
- 7 How do I start an open relationship?
But who knows, maybe you will be lucky to find a person who will share your views on an open relationship, you will love each other, and having lovers in no way will interfere with you.
What is an open relationship? I
They are a form of non-monogamy (also called polyamory), which refers to a physical or romantic relationship that allows for other partners. There can be many variations. For example, it might be a couple of loving people, where everyone has their own lovers. Moreover, they can be common or each will have their own, depending on preferences. Or, for example, a girl who lives separately from her boyfriend, has several permanent lovers, and while traveling in different countries, she enters into short-term relationships. Some people have lovers because their long-term partners do not like particular sexual preferences, and they do not want to participate in it. It all depends on the people and the situation.
If you and your partner decide to make other people a part of your relationship, both of you will truly feel free and most likely even happier. But each of you will need to determine the acceptable level of relationships with secondary partners so that the situation is comfortable for both of you. Most often, the main prerequisites for a monogamous relationship are ethics, safety, and the consent of all parties involved. In addition, in order to avoid any controversial points, it is advisable to identify possible restrictions.
By the way, lovers of free relationships are not so few. For example, in the United States, about 5% of couples are polyamorous. Back in 2014, the journal "Psychology Today" published research data, according to which, from 23 to 40% of men and from 11 to 20% of women would like to try an open relationship or have already entered into one.
According to such people, romantic and sexual relationships with one person for a long time are very difficult and unnatural. If you hold the same point of view, then forcing yourself into a monogamous relationship is no more than self-deception. Whereas an open relationship can simultaneously symbolize both devotion and freedom.
There is nothing wrong with monogamy2
It is unlikely that you are categorically against monogamy or consider it to be something wrong or unnatural. And, most likely, there are enough people around you who are happy in traditional monogamous relationships. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be challenged and live your life. Free relationships are not so solid, they change in the process. As well as the rules that apply to them.
Free relationship rules3
There may be few of them at first, but over time, as the relationship develops, you and your partner can develop new ones. It may turn out that some situation becomes uncomfortable or painful, so you need to make changes. You should not be angry with each other if something happens that gives unpleasant feelings, but at the same time does not go beyond the existing rule. You need to use this as an experience to learn from and come up with a new rule. Perhaps some rules that have already been tested by experience will suit you.
Rule 1. It deals with basic relationships. Don't spend too much time with secondary partners. Of course, it's okay to communicate with them or even be friends, especially if you have been in a relationship for a long time, but it is better to end it if meetings and companionship threaten to develop into something more
Rule 2. Always be honest. Be attentive and try not to hurt the people around you
Rule 3. Always get the consent of the person involved in the relationship. And always let your main partner know if you have someone else
Rule 4. It is best not to meet with mutual friends or acquaintances, including those with whom either of you communicates on social networks. For example, if you accidentally see a lover's profile on social networks, you may start comparing yourself, following your own illusions, which most likely will have nothing to do with reality. Why do you need an extra headache?
- Rule 5. Limit the number of secondary partners in a certain period of time, for example, a week or 10 days.
- Rule 6. Always use protection. Neither you nor your partner will want to get an unpleasant illness.
Is there a place for jealousy in an open relationship? 4
Jealousy is okay. But there are some differences from monogamous relationships. For example, you can often face a situation where a girl is constantly jealous. She views any attractive woman as a potential threat and finds it difficult to communicate with her boyfriend with other people. However, the nature of the relationship in such a pair does not allow you to simply discuss any outsider beautiful girl or nice guy. Any flirting is always perceived as a disaster. In a free relationship, partners know that other people can be attractive too, and some of them begin sexual relationships. But this fact is recognized, and the couple lives on.
On the other hand, a certain amount of jealousy can even be helpful. But in an open relationship, it goes away by itself and very quickly. And nothing instills confidence like the realization that your partner, no matter what, is returning home to you. You are connected by more than just sex. He knows the peculiarities of your character, what you like and what amuses you. He loves talking and spending time with you after work. And no one knows him better than you. Therefore, you can not worry that he will find someone better than you. After all, there are quite a few things that bind you.
A free relationship implies a lack of possessiveness that is characteristic of monogamous couples. So, if you like it that way, enjoy the variety with the confidence that other lovers cannot make you love each other less. You can talk to your partner as a spouse and as a friend, without any restrictions, without worrying about the fact that any question or topic may seem silly. And you can get all the information about secondary partners first-hand. You can also complain about your own people. Sincerity is at the heart of such a relationship, so you can always count on an honest answer or advice. An open relationship always involves open communication.
What to do when your partner goes out on a date 5
You might like to watch the con pack up and go. And you will even kiss him "on the path." And then you stay at home and do whatever comes into your head. If you are overcome by equality, you can whine a little to one of your close friends or just relax and have fun with their company. And who knows, maybe you will have a date that very evening.
Is it likely to fall in love with another person?
Any relationship, even a free one, implies a certain job, especially if it lasts a long time. But this is what makes them happy, trusting and reliable. You can make a commitment that if the relationship with the secondary partner begins to develop into something more serious, then they must be broken off immediately. In addition, an open relationship eliminates the element of temptation, so sex on the side, while not something forbidden, does not cause an adrenaline rush, which can cause dependence on another person, and which is often mistaken for love.
On the other hand, a monogamous relationship is not a guarantee that one of the partners will not fall in love with a stranger. Proponents of free relationships believe that from this point of view they are much less at risk of leaving their main partner for a new lover, because any other connection is just research proving that there is no one better than the person with whom you live.
How do I start an open relationship? 7
It is not always possible to immediately find a person who is ready to plunge headlong into something new for himself. Sometimes you have to explain and offer to accept this as an acceptable type of relationship. In any case, you need to prepare yourself for a free relationship.
First, you need to realize that the normal relationship that most couples have is not necessarily the only one possible. Sex at the Dawn of Civilization by Casilda Geta and Christopher Ryan presents the evolution of monogamy in human society; and it has not always been a social norm.
Until the Neolithic Revolution 10 thousand years ago, when agriculture appeared and the population began to rapidly increase, monogamy was the only way for communities to survive. However, in modern society, such an approach would cause certain difficulties. Catherine A. List's book The Ethics of a Whore: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Opportunity explores the different types of non-monogamy in modern society. She talks about an open relationship, how to deal with jealousy, how to get support from a partner and friends, and the importance of love and honesty.
It must be understood that communication, honesty, openness, cooperation and respect should be in the first place. But all this is important for any type of relationship. Fear, jealousy and anger are normal emotions that can come up from time to time in an open relationship. The main thing is to identify them in time and recognize that they are not determinative. However, negative emotions can even be beneficial, because logic and reason are needed to overcome them. A calm and sober attitude towards the situation will only strengthen your relationship. If you feel insecure, ask your partner how he feels about you, and how well you fit for him. A sincere response can help you deal with anxiety and misunderstandings.