Table of contents:
- More time to get to know each other
- Stronger and happier relationships2
- Give yourself time to decide3
- Conflict also needs to be learned4
- Find out how he or she responds in a stressful situation5
Years of unsuccessful dating are behind. Finally, you have found the very person with whom, it seems, life should sparkle with new colors. However, before embarking on your first sexual experience, it is important to get to know each other well. This is the opinion not only of our grandmothers and grandfathers, wise by life experience, but also of specialists. Psychologist Jennifer Spaulding from the USA is convinced that the proverb is true in building a new love relationship - measure seven times, cut once.
The content of the article
- 1 More time to get to know each other
- 2 More stable and happier relationships
- 3 Give yourself time to decide
- 4 Conflict also needs to be learned
- 5 Find out how he or she responds in a stressful situation
“The rush in the early stages of a relationship can, in principle, call into question your further love affair. Those who rush things run the risk of ending the relationship ahead of schedule. No matter how much you want to speed up the development of a love affair, there are many reasons for prudence. " Next, the psychologist talks about the main reasons why you should not rush things in a newly emerging relationship.
More time to get to know each other
“When you start dating a new person, you don't show all your cards at once. On a level playing field, like himself,”Spaulding explains. “Sooner or later, your habits, fears, and complexes will surface. Do not ruin each other's lives - take time for self-disclosure."
Spaulding also emphasizes that the slowness in the relationship allows you to understand whether the couple is actually compatible. “It’s not even about possible flaws that may completely contradict your value system,” says the psychologist. “All people are different, and at the initial stage there is no guarantee that a couple will be able to coexist successfully.
To get started, try going with a new friend to the hypermarket to buy groceries. If you argue about every thing, like the heroes of a melodramatic series, this already speaks of the inability to find a common language and give in to each other in everyday matters."
Stronger and happier relationships2
In particular, psychologists recommend taking your time with the first physical intimacy. According to a study published in December 2010, couples who don't rush things further report greater relationship satisfaction. And this applies to both sex and relationships. Even factors such as age or the number of sexual partners in the past do not affect this indicator. So if, for example, a man before meeting a woman was a womanizer, she really has a chance to change the line of his behavior.
Conversely, the same study showed that having sex too early often leads to the beginning of cohabitation without formal marriage. Which in itself also often leads to problems in relationships. On the one hand, such a life is convenient, since the members of the couple are free from responsibility. However, on the other hand, it is this lack of commitment that leads to the risk of destruction of the love union. After all, you don't need any special procedures for parting - just pack your things and move to your mother.
Give yourself time to decide3
Spaulding is convinced that it is important for anyone who wants to build a good love relationship to realize their own values. And be able to check their list in time with the inclinations of the partner. “For example, it is unacceptable for a girl to live with a man who abuses alcohol. If she doesn't get in touch with him in the first week, she has time to study his habits and check her own preferences regarding men.
Or maybe the potential lover has other serious problems - for example, he used drugs, or does he have a large credit card debt? People don't talk about these things on their first or second date."
So do not rush, rushing into a new relationship, as if into a pool with your head. After all, no one can know for sure how deep this pool is, and what "devils" can be found in it?
Conflict also needs to be learned4
As a rule, at the initial stages of a relationship in a couple of problems, there are no problems: both participants are polite and courteous, as they want to show their best side. However, over time, quarrels are inevitable. And it is very likely that both of you will not be on your best side. “If you don’t know what a quarrel with this person can be, do not rush to tell everyone that you have already found the love of your life,” Jennifer warns.
Find out how he or she responds in a stressful situation5
What happens when a waiter accidentally spills a glass of wine on him? How does she react when a traffic police officer stops her car on the way? “How your new love behaves under stress can tell a lot about her,” says the psychologist.
Having met a new person, you should not be led by emotions and sexual instinct - at least if you are interested in a long-term love affair, and not an occasional fleeting affair.