The Psychology Of Jealousy: What Types Are There And Why Are You Jealous

Love lives for three years, ten years, all life, a couple of months. For each, "forever" means a different period of time, and "relationships" include certain sets of items, which may not coincide either. In any case, no couple has a complete idyll. One way or another, people quarrel, infuriate each other, take at least small breaks from each other. You can put up with many disadvantages and live on, but there are some that can get you up to your throat, and with such you will not go far. Any bull has a rule, so today it's time to figure out what is stopping too many doves in love. So the psychology of jealousy should stop being a secret.

The content of the article

• 1 Where do legs grow from?
• 2 Why are you jealous of him or her
• 3 This and the other: what kind of jealousy is
• 4 Is it okay?
• 5 Do you believe it or not?

Where do legs grow from?

First you need to understand the feeling itself. Not the most positive feelings in the form of self-doubt, suspiciousness, fear. They merge together, forming a heavy feeling in the soul, and outwardly it looks like passionate affection and unwillingness to share your soul mate with someone else. It may seem very romantic, but if you omit this veil, then everything is not so fun.

For many years now, psychologists have been studying such a phenomenon as the psychology of jealousy. Fortunately for people ignorant of cognitive science and everyone associated with it, their works have already yielded results. Psychotherapy describes this feeling as a fear of losing one's good, or a great desire to retain that virtue that brings joy. In fact, everything is based on self-doubt, the fear of not being so good compared to someone else. On the other hand, if a person is jealous of his partner, it means that he subconsciously questions his loyalty (even if it is covered with words like: “well, he / she deserves the best …”).

This feeling is very close to envy; there are such varieties as love, children's, sports, creative, national. However, no matter how jealousy is considered, it is never an independent phenomenon, but only one of the components of a warm feeling of love. The catalyst is the mutual uncertainty of a guy and a girl (both partners, in general - everything is possible in our century) in the future, the importance of each other, and future plans. It happens that people with the pathological syndrome of the owner have a constant desire to control literally every step, an aspect of the life of their half. Here is another story.

By the way, children who survived divorce of parents at an early age, domestic violence, difficult relationships between parents grow up with a special thorn in their heads, called by psychologists as a "jealousy mindset." In fact, there is no point in blaming such "romantics". What is imprinted on our brains in our youth is almost impossible to eradicate. In this case, it will be difficult to build a relationship, since your partner will be absolutely sure of the sad end such as betrayal or betrayal. Of course, he will periodically talk about it and mention that it may make his beliefs become part of reality.

Why are you jealous of him or her2

The psychology of jealousy is not so simple, not only because few people admit to themselves that they have begun to doubt their relationship, but also because explaining this phenomenon is not as easy as one might think. It is difficult for a person to understand himself when he just feels a bouquet of contradictions at the same time. He doubts himself, his competitiveness, the chances of finding a new companion / companion, if the same inevitable break does happen.

It is vitally important for an individual with a deliberately low self-esteem to constantly receive attention, to feel needed, thereby compensating for the missing emotions. To put it simply, he wants him to be like air for his partner, otherwise he will be uncomfortable.

At the same time, the fear of loneliness, loss, uncertainty, helplessness rolls over, to be like a thing that has been played with and forgotten. Plus, our own pride (rather, pride) is woven into a common thread: "Nobody has the right to betray, offend, deceive, abandon, pull me out of the comfort zone!" Envy and selfishness complete the picture. At this moment, a person does not think about anyone but himself. His desires are put above all others and any circumstances. He only needs to take and demand, and in return it is not at all necessary to give (according to his only correct opinion).

This and the other: what jealousy can be3

Jealousy has its own subdivisions, which differ in their characteristics. Each psychologist can offer his own version of this list, but in general terms it will look something like this:

Jealousy of treatment. The partner does not mind going left himself, sleeping with a random stranger, but all this will remain a secret from his half. However, in his free time, the thought does not lag behind him that he will be treated in the same way

"Graft". This type is found in adults with not the happiest childhood: either they were unwitting witnesses to the betrayal of their parents, or their families were simply incomplete, which is why the concept of "happy together" did not form in their heads. The child has never had a normal example of a healthy relationship, so he is confident in the unreliability of every man and the frivolity of every woman (needless to say, what a cool role model they see in front of them). By the way, the tyrant parent may also be the cause of the problem. For example, if a girl repeats her whole life that “all men need only one thing from you,” then it’s not surprising if, as a mature woman, she will have problems with trusting her husband / boyfriend

Middle age crisis. Representatives of the fairer sex, who are already a little over 40 years old, begin to sound the alarm at any convenient (and not so) case. They see themselves in the mirror (if they have no vision problems), notice athletic fit girls on the streets who have barely turned twenty-five. A doubt creeps into my head about its attractiveness, interestingness, stateliness. By the way, there is one main difference between the two sexes: 40-year-old men feel much cooler compared to young students who collect money for "Doshirak" by the whole raid. At this stage, a peaceful idyll breaks down, because the wife is always anxious and nervous, anticipating such a natural betrayal of her faithful husband

Reasoned. It also happens that the doubts of a partner are justified. A married couple can live long and happily, respecting each other and reckoning with everyone's opinion until one of this union accidentally meets a new love that will kindle "new" feelings in him. Yes, everything happens in life, and insurance is almost never included. With this combination of circumstances, the most successful solution would be to speak directly about your situation without starting to lead a double life

Is it okay?

Almost every love drama that goes on television literally promotes the idea that jealousy equals passionate feelings. This judgment is not entirely correct, but very few people are going to dig into and understand this, which is why the percentage of relationships in which half of the couple is pathological jealous is growing. The girls lightly believe that they have an alpha boyfriend guarding their wolf. Unfortunately, this is not the case in reality.

Of course, jealousy can be quite understandable and normal within reason (provided that there are really specific reasons). If the drama and scandal cause five / ten-minute delays at work, a conversation with a cashier or a colleague, a short delay in looking at some crook, then you should sit down and think how pleasant it is for you to be in such an alliance.

Among other things, scientists distinguish the term "zealous delirium." Putting everything in clear language, future betrayal is only in the head of a person, while there is no reason for it. It's just that someone had a strong fantasy, reaching the level of a sick imagination. This is often overlaid with a hypertrophied perception of reality, which in the aggregate actually makes the poor man see white on black, notice betrayal where it never existed. By the way, this syndrome is mainly found in men, although there are exceptions to any rule.

Summing up, we can summarize that the very feeling of jealousy is not a disease or pathology only when there are arguments and facts in favor of treason. When an individual is simply not sure of himself, of his solvency and attractiveness, the brain begins to give out such that it is even difficult to imagine. Here it is better to go to a psychologist and discuss all your problems with him. A professional in the light business can help you get out of the web of your own thoughts.

Do you believe it or not? 5

Yes, somewhere above it was written that love and jealousy always go next to each other, but this does not mean at all that these concepts are synonymous, and some really like to weave distrust here. In general, here we need to figure it out. For clarity, you can look at the behavior of two pairs of doves in different situations.

• A party

  A man and a woman came to the corporate party together. A lady calmly talks with colleagues about extraneous things, learns about the news in their lives, her partner also does not waste time and finds himself an interlocutor, maintaining an unobtrusive conversation, a friendly tone of others and does not worry about her soul mate

  The situation does not change at all, except while the wife is joking with the employees, the husband fiercely intervenes in their conversation and begins to behave in a not very decent way. Sometimes the conflict can flare up at the same moment, but in most cases the lady will get it upon returning home, but for now she will be slowly incinerated with a look. So in which situation is there distrust?

• Time to go home

  The working day has already ended, but the groom is not at home yet. His chosen one calmly calls him (or writes SMS), finds out the reason for his delay, enters his position and asks by what time it is worth starting to warm up the food

  The young man is late home without warning. At this time, his girlfriend dials the number of his boss to inquire about the time when the loved one left his post, then calls his colleagues to make sure that he did not talk to any "outside woman" during the day. When the hard worker himself gets to the apartment, he will receive a reprimand and a scandal instead of a warm greeting and dinner

• Dont touch me

  The spouses are happy to have fun together: they dine in restaurants, watch films, go to an ornithology club (everyone has different tastes). If one of them does not share the interest of the other, then this does not cause screams and scandals, but is calmly taken for granted. Nobody will die if only the wife is visiting the boxing section, and the husband prefers to go to the pub with friends

  In this couple, absolutely all free time is spent together. There is nothing that only one of them can do. One's own hobbies and tastes are sent far and long, and meetings with old acquaintances in restaurants or with friends in a bar are equated with tragic betrayal

As you can see, the first "test subjects" do not experience problems with trust or their own self-esteem. They are not afraid if their hobbies diverge or don't always coincide. Everyone is aware that his partner is a person whose rights cannot be infringed upon. In the second case, groundless jealousy is simply evident. Fears are not caused by anything and have no material evidence. One of them clearly wants to appropriate all the freedom and free time of the other. Advice:? Go to family therapy.

Obviously, there is not a single couple where there is not a single disagreement, but this does not mean that people are not suitable for each other. You need to work on any relationship, eliminate their flaws, and not bury in yourself in search of fictional suspicions. Each joint must be spoken before rushing into all seriousness. As soon as all unnecessary attitudes are gone, life will become much easier. Isn't that happiness?