Table of contents:
Partners who meet for a long time can change each other. This is normal, as long as the interests of one of the partners do not receive the highest priority, while the other partner is forced to constantly make sacrifices. How to distinguish a partner's healthy influence from pressure that can harm a person?
The content of the article
- 1 Common features of all male manipulators
- 2 How to protect yourself from a male manipulator?
A manipulative man in a relationship does not directly suppress the will of his partner, but resorts to lies and complex strategies to force her to give up her well-being (and sometimes part of her personality) for his interests.
Common traits of all male manipulatorsi
Most manipulative men:
- Know how to spot your weaknesses.
- Once they find them, they use them against you.
- Regularly urge you to give up things that might contribute to your advancement and growth.
- They are asked to invest in their development resources that you could spend on yourself - for example, time or moral and physical strength.
- If a manipulative man takes advantage of you once, he will do it over and over again until you end the relationship.
You are in a relationship with a manipulative man if:
- Your partner is constantly lying to you. He adds lies to truth, and truth to lies, to blur the line between them and make you confused, make you more vulnerable to further manipulation.
- He calls contrived any relationship problem you would like to discuss and work through.
- Your partner makes you question most of your beliefs, undermines your faith in your own mental capacity.
- He uses your own words against you, distorting the meaning that you originally put into them.
- Your partner often says that you are too emotional, that your reaction is disproportionate to the occasion.
- He often portrays himself as the victim, and you as the aggressor, guilty of all the problems in your relationship.
- Your partner plays on your guilt to get you to do something.
- When you firmly defend your point of view or interests, he clearly demonstrates discontent and may even threaten you with a break in the relationship.
- Your partner puts their interests, feelings, and emotions ahead of yours.
- You've noticed that your partner's behavior and communication style with different people is very different.
How to protect yourself from a male manipulator? 2
Step one: know your rights
In a relationship with a manipulator, your main defense is confidence in your own righteousness and usefulness.
You have the right:
- Expect to be treated with respect.
- Express your feelings, opinions and desires.
- Give preference to your own goals.
- Saying no without feeling guilty.
- Spend your resources on yourself.
- Have an opinion different from others.
- Take care of yourself and protect yourself from physical, mental or emotional threats.
- Work on your own life to make it happy and healthy, and give it all your strength.
A manipulative man in a relationship may try to make you forget that you, like everyone else, have all these rights in order to control you more. It is important to remember that it is you, and not the manipulating partner, who determine and are responsible for your life.
Step two: letting go of guilt
Since the manipulator deliberately seeks out and exploits your weaknesses, it is only natural that in a relationship with him you may experience guilt, shame and feelings of inadequacy. In these situations, it is important to remember that the problem is not yours. The manipulator deliberately makes you feel bad so that you are more likely to transfer power over yourself into his hands.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Am I being treated with sincere respect?
- How reasonable are my partner's expectations and requirements?
- Are we both making sacrifices for this relationship, or does one have to do it more often?
- Do I feel good in this relationship?
The answers to these questions will help you understand who the problem is really with: you or your partner.
Step three: constructive dialogue
Covertly or directly, but the manipulator constantly asks you for something. Oftentimes, meeting its requirements can cost you a significant investment of time and effort. When the manipulator once again asks you to make sacrifices for him, try to point him out.
You can ask him:
- "Do you think this is reasonable?"
- "Is what you ask for fair to me?"
- "Are you asking me or ordering me?"
- "And what will I gain from this?"
- "Don't I have a say in this matter?"
- "Are you really expecting me to do this?"
By asking such questions, you show the manipulative man that you see his tricks. If he has enough self-awareness or conscience, there is a chance that he will back down and will continue to be more careful in making requests to you.
However, most manipulators won't take your questions seriously, come up with a series of excuses, or get angry. If the manipulator reacts in this way, your relationship with him is likely to remain unhealthy, and only their final break can help you protect yourself.
Step four: be able to say no
Being able to say a diplomatic but firm “no” is essential to communicate effectively and safely with other people - both at work and in private. Everyone has the right to act primarily in their own interests, as well as refuse other people's requests, without feeling guilty because of this.
Step five: resist the manipulator
Male manipulators are attracted to weak, passive, and compliant women. They become convenient targets because they are easier to control.
It is sometimes helpful to remember that most manipulators are cowards. They want to influence people, but are afraid to exert direct pressure, and therefore choose more tortuous ways to achieve their goals.
It so happens that the networks of the manipulator entangle you too tightly. In such cases, in order to protect yourself from the manipulator man, do not be afraid to turn to specialists: hotline consultants, psychologists, lawyers, charitable organizations that provide emotional and material support. You don't have to fight alone.
But how to manipulate a man so that he does not guess exactly, we will tell you in the next article!