The Reasons Why You Keep Living With The Tyrant

Any sane person will say that he would never want to meet or live with someone who gives him pain and spoils his existence. But, contrary to common sense, we constantly see this among friends and acquaintances. And sometimes we ourselves get caught in a trap. Painful and sometimes destructive relationships recur over and over again. A reasonable question arises: why, and most importantly, why do partners constantly return to such people?

The content of the article

• 1 What a professional will say
• 2 Vicious circle
• 3 Suppressing negative memories
• 4 Self-esteem and its role
• 5 Instead of a conclusion

What the professional will say i

Shelby Sebbs, a photojournalist and sexologist, tried to answer this question today. Shelby is currently working on her qualification work in the field of sexuality psychology, with the aim of becoming a sex therapist in the near future.

“Instability is often paradoxically simple and familiar to people,” explains Shelby. “Relationships that could be predictable and understandable seem boring. People are looking for adrenaline because they are used to emotional roller coasters since childhood. It is difficult to look for kindness and love in a relationship if from childhood you are accustomed to neglect and rejection."

Vicious circle 2

“Sometimes people are simply blinded by love. It seems to them that they can change their partner. However, each time they are captured by the illusion, since nothing changes in the relationship. And even on the contrary - if they left these destructive relationships, then only in this case would there be a scanty chance of correction. Because the partner who destroys the relationship might reflect on his own behavior in view of the consequences it causes."

“This often happens in a family of alcoholics. Wives hold on to their husbands with all their might, but their joy further deprives them of their chances to stop drinking alcohol. This is, of course, an extreme case. However, with an imbalance in relations, this model also works in any couples where one of the partners is totally dissatisfied with the relationship."

Suppression of negative memories3

“Also in painful relationships we can be kept by a special mechanism of the psyche, which consists in the repression of traumatic events. The unconscious "writes off negative things" - and all this for the sake of maintaining the stability of the family system and the ability not to live through pain. It is much easier to forget that in the past a husband or wife cheated, behaved unworthily, and abused trust. Only after a divorce it often turns out that a whole layer of grievances has been accumulated in relation to a partner, which only a competent psychologist can deal with”.

"This mechanism forces us to remain in a destructive love relationship - we do not seem to notice the bad that the partner is doing."

Self-esteem and its role 4

“And finally, one cannot fail to mention such an aspect as self-esteem. When in other areas of life our achievements are modest, and we do not receive absolutely any recognition from society, it remains only to raise our own importance within the family. That is why the same notorious wife of an alcoholic feels significant and valuable only if she has someone to "save" from hard drinking. Or if a woman becomes a victim of a cheater - in this case, she also receives a secondary benefit in the form of compassion in society. But are these dubious benefits necessary? Isn't it easier to prove to yourself your personal worth by working on yourself and realizing your dreams?"

Instead of a conclusion5

“Leaving an unhealthy relationship isn't easy,” Shelby concludes. “But there are many things that will help you in that. Psychotherapy is a vital aspect. It is in the process of working with a psychologist that emotional pain is overcome, behavior models are restructured."