Table of contents:
- Why do Russians get divorced? I
- What support do women need and what kind of support do men need? 3
- Gender problems4
- Which pair has the odds7
Video: What Are The Reasons For Divorce In Russia? Relationship Problems
2023 Author: Miles Ford | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-24 12:19
Is it true that the main reason for divorce is not cheating at all, but a lack of support from a partner? Psychotherapists talk about the most common causes of divorce.
The content of the article
- 1 Why do Russians get divorced?
- 2 Example
- 3 What kind of support do women need and what kind of support do men need?
- 4 Gender problems
- 5 Research
- 6 Listen
- 7 Which pair has a chance
Divorce is a consequence of the so-called emptiness, when in a relationship between two people the connection actually ceased, and this could have an effect in the form of a lack of support. People cease to be interested in each other, they do not see a companion in life nearby. They stop believing that the other person is still able to do something for them, because, probably, all this is no longer important for him. And treason can arise from a lack of support.
According to experts, the position “I myself, I will do everything myself” is to some extent the same as: “I don’t need you”. This is exactly what leads to the fact that people move away from each other, a direct path to treason. Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn't need him.
Why do Russians get divorced? I
Why do people get divorced? Here are the results of a study that analyzed the causes of divorce in Russian couples. Sexual and financial problems are most often the reason for separation in the early years of marriage.
Between 10-14 years of age, the risk of betrayal increases sharply, and it is the “left trip” that is the reason for more than every fifth divorce. Along with this, in family life, there is a discrepancy of characters and misunderstandings against the background of financial issues.
There is the importance of “unambiguously” important and specific reasons for parting - alcohol abuse and prolonged separation.
In recent years, the share of broken marriages with a relatively long (over 15 years) experience has been steadily increasing. It turns out that in many cases in which children were the main bond of not very successful relationships, the independence of the offspring initiates divorce. Then the partners are already aware that this will not harm anyone.
Against the background of Western European countries, there are more divorces in Russia - 80% of family relations end with this. Of course, more divorces take place in big cities than in rural areas.
Of course, this is due not only to a certain example of a family with greater religiosity, but also to greater anonymity in megacities. Most of all there were family breakups in 2006, and experts are constantly wondering why it was then that a record number of relationships broke up. As a rule, women take the initiative to dissolve a marriage. The more children, the less divorces.
As a result of the large number of divorces, a high - probably growing over several years - rate of remarriage is to be expected.
The reasons for divorce, ranked according to the most common ones: adultery, alcohol abuse, reprehensible attitude towards family members, housing difficulties, misunderstandings in financial matters, character mismatch, problems in the sexual sphere, distance, appearance.
For example, a man, taking his daughter to a sports club, regularly met the mother of the child there, who also worked there. They talked about the development of children. Over time, this woman began to share personal problems with a new friend, she told him about various things, most often that her husband was not interested in her, that he worked a lot, he was often not at home, and she had no one to talk to about important things. and she feels abandoned, alone.
She was looking for support, and suddenly the situation became dangerous. That man was also experiencing some kind of marital crisis and - interestingly - a new acquaintance led to the fact that he noticed much more clearly the areas in his own relationship that he did not like. Earlier, he did what many men do not do - he confided in a friend that he was one step away from betrayal. He felt discomfort, but only when he talked about it, asked for support from a friend, he understood the psychological mechanism of this situation. He decided to break off contact with this woman, although he really liked her. And so he saved his family. Only, of course, this event caused a kind of change in the relationship.
He felt important to this woman because she was sharing with him. The fact that a woman tells a man about her impressions - and this is not about the role of the vest - is as if she were sending a message: “You are important to me. I see you. I make sure you know my life, see what I'm worried about. " This kind of attention was received by the man in this story.
What support do women need and what kind of support do men need? 3
The position of many men is manifested in the fact that they do not focus on expressing problems, they only strive to cope with them. And when something important happens in their life, the partner often does not have the slightest idea about it. If you ask them why they don't talk to their wife about it, they will answer that they don't want to burden her.
However, in reality we are talking about something else. The man just wants to avoid some kind of trap. Of course, this is not the norm, but it often happens that a person gains courage and voices his problem, comes to his partner. What's going on? The woman, who at first declared: “I would really like to know what is really going on with you,” suddenly begins to tremble herself. She is frightened by the problem with which he comes to her. She stops feeling a sense of certainty around him. And what does a man do then? He begins to do something that calms her down: “Come on. We'll manage somehow."
However, one can understand a woman. She, for example, having learned that he took out a loan that he is not able to repay, has the right to flee in panic. However, when she has already faced this fact, she may want to support him. Maybe this couple does not know how to communicate with each other? Yes and no.
Many women miss the “living” people, those who have access to all their emotions, who experience and express them. A woman whose man has so far manifested itself as "poured concrete", not expressing her emotions, begins to unconsciously look for where to satisfy her need.
A common situation is one of the partners loses his job. Efforts to find a new one are ineffective. From a successful person, he turns into someone else, without work and prospects. The family's standard of living is declining. He feels helpless. He lost access to his power. And for peace of mind, he does not ask his partner for support. This is a slippery slope.
Another example: a person who is successful in a large company quit this job. And he fell into depression, because he could no longer afford everything, and nothing new could be created. His partner, an extremely intelligent woman, left him alone. She didn't leave, she only respectfully reacted to the fact that he had a need to distance himself.
Many reasons for family breakdown are rooted in taking control of another person. And sometimes you need to rest from each other, the so-called emptiness in the head. “What are you thinking about?” A woman asks a man lying with a remote control in front of the TV. "About nothing." "But how can you not think about anything?" And here the projection of the female way of functioning onto the man takes place. This is really important - men do not have such a strong need to express emotions in words.
Men like to talk sometimes. But that's another matter entirely. This is more of a self-presentation than an exchange. Emptiness in your head? This is a disaster for a woman! “How can he have a void in his head ?!”, “How can he just flip through the channels ?!”. And what is the most irritating for a woman? A man who does nothing.
In general, males and females have different models for building intimacy. Women build intimacy through the exchange of emotions. Men build it through joint action.
If you flip the roles, it will look like this. A woman comes home and says: “You know, I have a problem, the boss told me today…”. And what will nine out of ten men do? Will give advice. How do women react to this? I like too. This is not what they want.
Her speech is about the fact that she just needs to express it in order to look differently at this situation, but the male brain does not work that way. If there is a hole in the wall, then it needs to be closed up, and not told about it.
A woman has more fears than a man. Rather, she has more access to them, has good contact with them.
A woman, perhaps, really does not like to listen to advice, but sometimes she waits for this man's remark: “Come on, you’re making this up for yourself. Sorry. Sorry for your energy. " It can be salutary. Women love it when a man rises a little over the problem, but more often they say: “You don't understand me at all. You are not listening to me,”because he intervened, interrupted her.
For nearly 40 years, John Gottman, Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington, has dealt with divorce issues. During his many years of research, he examined thousands of couples and analyzed thousands of questionnaires. Today, thanks to his deep analysis, it was possible to identify two phenomena that practically guarantee the disintegration of the family. And this is not treason or even a conflict in the financial sphere.
We can somehow cope with these problems. However, two things, according to the professor, portend the inevitable end of life together.
Those who disperse are those who stop listening to their partner and are interested in his problems. At least that's what follows from the results of an experiment on the causes of divorce. Therefore, if a person has ceased to be interested in what the other half can tell how her partner spent her day or what her plans are for the near future, this is a sign that the divorce is already hanging in the air. For there is nothing worse than indifference in relationships and lack of interest.
Another thing that leads to a quick divorce is an inability to learn, a lack of development. If, instead of trying to mitigate the conflict, people ignite it, they are effectively driving a nail into the coffin of their relationship. During an argument, they say things that normally would never have been said.
Such conclusions cannot convince everyone. For many believe that sex is the most important thing in a relationship, and incongruity in bed is one of the worst things one can find among people in love. Others, in turn, never forgive betrayal. Regardless of who is right, the fact is that couples in whose lives the above two phenomena arise are divorced in 94 percent of cases, at least this follows from a study by an American scientist.
Which pair has the odds7
For a marriage to have a better chance of survival, problems should be minimized, while maintaining the basic principles of the so-called social cohabitation. Family relationships should be based on respect, tolerance and acceptance of individual family members.
The families of the wife and husband must accept the choice of their relatives and respect the characteristics of the spouses, without delving into their relationship, lifestyle and decisions. On the other hand, the new person in the family must also respect the rules that prevail in the family of his half. Both parties are obliged to take care of good relations, avoid controversial issues and conflict situations. Much depends on the person who stands between the family and the partner. He must make sure that both the family and the spouse feel good in the relationship, and the problems that arise are resolved personally with the family or eye to eye with a partner. Therefore, it is important to be able to communicate and express feelings.
Family members may have unpleasant character traits that cause them to interfere with someone else's marriage, manipulate and pressure in certain decisions and behavior. Especially often relatives cannot find a “golden mean” between good advice, help and intervention in the new life of two adults who want to shape this life in their own way. An essential skill in building healthy relationships is the ability to build boundaries and defend them, while noticing the boundaries of others.
If a spouse, whose family is causing problems, does not know how to set a clear boundary between his private life and relations with his relatives, misunderstandings often arise. The other spouse may even think that his partner does not respect him. The situation is even worse when partners perceive family relationships differently. Then difficulties arise that are very difficult to cope with.