Table of contents:
- Why is it so scary to write first? I
- Popular point of view2
- Choosing a woman, choosing a man: a scientific experiment3
- Men are people too4
- Have the right to speak and use it5
- To write or not to write? 6
Should a girl write to a guy first? This is a popular question that sooner or later everyone decides for herself. Someone, in search of an answer, relies on their own beliefs and feelings, and someone is looking for more information to determine. Advice and life experiences of mothers, grandmothers and friends, imitation of heroines who easily win hearts in films and books - everything goes into action. But what can science suggest about this? What do the guys themselves think? Let's answer these questions and figure it out.
The content of the article
- 1 Why is it so scary to write first?
- 2 Popular point of view
- 3 Choosing a woman, choosing a man: a scientific experiment
- 4 Men are people too
- 5 Have the right to speak and use it
- 6 To write or not to write?
Why is it so scary to write first? I
It is quite natural to be afraid of spoiling the relationship with the person that you want to keep. The fear of appearing intrusive, disturbing your partner at the wrong time and causing him irritation is common if you are interested in each other, but have not yet bonded enough.
Another reason is artificially cultivated by our culture. Some people find it indecent that a girl can take the initiative. In our reality, when women work full time on an equal basis with men, contribute to the family budget, which is difficult to overestimate, and also have all civil rights and obligations, this form of modesty is just a relic of the past, inconvenient and even dangerous.
Popular point of view2
The experience of many generations of women, mixed with constraining, outdated cultural attitudes, dictates to girls that it is undesirable to seek contact first. It is believed that an interested man will always find the time and resources to take the first step. This approach, firstly, reduces the risk of rejection, and secondly, it saves the time that a girl can spend on more determined fans.
However, attitudes "a woman should" and "a man should" erase people's personalities, which mean much more than gender. A man who sincerely sympathizes with a lady may in fact be burdened by the same doubts as she: will he not be rejected, and even in a humiliating, painful way? Would the woman feel threatened if he was too assertive?
Choosing a woman, choosing a man: a scientific experiment3
Sociologists and psychologists have set up an experiment to find out how women and men decide to establish contact with a possible partner.
Women were the first to go through the experiment. A small outdoor cafe was rented; two chairs were left at each table. One offered accommodation for men helping scientists in an experiment. The other chair was left empty so that the woman, having made a choice, could take it.
The women-participants were invited to the cafe in turn. Several men appeared before their eyes; they were all dressed differently, according to the degree of wealth that they had to portray for the experiment. The men also used different postures and facial expressions to give the members an idea of how interested they were in dating.
Women had to choose the man they liked most, and then sit down at his table. From the moment the participant appeared in the cafe, cameras tracked every movement of her eyes. This helped to understand how honest the woman's choice was: whether she ended up joining the man who held her attention the longest.
According to the results of the experiment, it turned out that women are very brave. Despite the differences in social status and the degree of interest shown by the man, women for the most part took a step towards those partners who seemed attractive to them.
Still, one of the popular reasons why girls don't post first is the fear of rejection. We read about the main reasons in detail further on the link.
Curiously, the results for the men were the exact opposite. They could look at the most well-groomed and luxurious woman in a cafe for a very long time, but they stopped at someone with whom, in their opinion, they had more chances: simpler girls and those who showed them favor with a smile.
Despite the fact that in our culture, decisiveness is considered a traditional trait for a man, in fact it is women who are more courageous and open - at least when it comes to relationships.
Men are people too4
A woman should remember that the man with whom she starts a relationship is the same person as herself. He does not have to be a model of masculinity, just as she is the embodiment of femininity. Guys are tormented by the same fears and insecurities as girls. Sometimes they do not take the first step at all, not because they do not want or do not have time for it, but because they are living people with their own experiences.
Have the right to speak and use it5
The times when a woman could not speak directly about her sympathy, but only hint at it, are long gone.
The man has no way of knowing when you twist your leg and need real help, and when you try to get his attention by feigning helplessness.
Words are the only sure way to communicate your feelings. Using them to speak directly about their likes and dislikes is a right that past generations of women had to fight for. And not at all a forced necessity due to the fact that modern men seem to be not decisive enough.
To write or not to write? 6
So after all, should a girl write to a guy first? The answer is yes, if she wants dating or its continuation. There is nothing shameful or unnatural about this, and many men are encouraged by the woman's interest. And there’s no surefire way to know if you’re attracted to each other other than by talking directly about it.
So the "write first" game is useless from this point of view. The one who writes first does not affect either the partners' interest in each other, or the success of the relationship in the future. But a one-sided initiative may well lead to a feeling of uselessness in a man and the subsequent collapse of feelings.