How To Forgive The Betrayal Of A Husband Or Wife And Move On. Is It Worth Forgiving - Advice From A Psychologist

How colorful everything was at the beginning of a relationship: a surge of hormones, beautiful words and promises, poetry and movies, kisses and long nights together. Unfortunately, the period of romantic courtship is shortening and a real routine comes to replace bright emotions. Spring gives way to dull autumn and here, like a bolt from the blue - the betrayal of a loved one. Why did it happen so? How to survive cheating and can you forgive it?

The content of the article

• 1 Why cheating occurs?
• 2 To forgive treason or not?
• 3 How to forgive the betrayal of a loved one: advice from psychologists
• 4 How to continue to be

Why does cheating happen? I

Over time, thoughts begin to come to me that something special is missing, as if the main part of life passes by, everything becomes insipid and gray, and there, far away, there is another person who is better and the emotions are brighter there. From the point of view of biology, love and falling in love are based on a series of chemical reactions that, for a person, throw out over and over again a cocktail of hormones that feed the brain and lead to euphoria. As Count Tolstoy wrote about happy and unhappy families: all happy families are alike, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. So it is with the reasons for treason. There is no one size fits all! Each for himself finds his own special reason or motive, which pushes for betrayal.

Nature is to blame

From the point of view of biology, nature took care of the prolongation of the genus, but, alas, no creation of alliances that will last until the last breath. The main goal for all individuals is reproduction. It is this program that is embedded in men, and their body stubbornly reminds of the root causes of their birth in order to continue and multiply the glorious family. This does not mean at all that men should impregnate everyone who meets on the way, and women should run to bed with everyone and give birth to as many children as possible. Not! Monogamy is possible if you show resistance to temptation and self-control.

Bland sex

Relationship diversity in a marriage or long-term relationship suffers first. It’s not hard to be surprised at unusual tricks in bed or a new sexual trick in the first year of marriage. After 5-10-15 years, when the partner is studied from all sides and his every movement is perfected to automatism, it is difficult to excite wild passion. And somewhere there are young and sexy, slender bodies, not burdened with everyday life with which everything will be like the first time. The desire to diversify intimacy is the second reason for cheating.

Different levels of libido

The third reason, one of the most common, is the different level of sexual needs. Sometimes a man is ready to have sex five times a day at the beginning of a relationship, then he will be glad to have two acts a day. A woman at the beginning of a relationship is ready to endure sexual pressure, I think that the relationship will not last long. When the moment of common life comes, problems, and maybe children already, libido fearfully hides in the farthest corner. And for a man, needs do not diminish for a long time. And a smart idea comes to mind - on the side, try to quickly fill with the necessary impressions, throw off everything that weighs down and return under the wing to your home.

Sexual perversions

Sex is not always darkness and missionary. Everyone has their own fetishes and strangeness in relation to sex. Someone likes dressing up, someone needs dirty curses and whips, oral sex or weird sex toys. The second partner initially does not admit his lack of interest in these attributes and easily tolerates the couple's behavior, hoping that tastes will change over time. And this does not happen. How to behave? Is it heroic to be silent and endure something from which turns back or to confess? Confess. In an adequate state, it is difficult to endure for decades what is not pleasant and contrary to nature and desires. The partner, without thinking twice, looks for special clubs for "interests" or hires a prostitute so that she endures all this for money and pretends that she sincerely likes everything.

Emotional hunger

Nature has endowed a woman with strength and powerful energy so that she has enough strength not only to do everything in the business, but also to raise children, devote time to her husband, take care of herself. A man needs a woman to be filled with energy and positive emotions. If a woman is constantly tired or exhausted by a small child, the man begins to feel energy starvation with problems at work.

And the idea arises to draw energy and strength from another partner. In addition, a tired woman looks unattractive. There are only beautiful and cheerful girls around, the energy of which is in full swing. It's always easy and easy to meet with them on the side and feel the same as in 18 years.

To forgive treason or not? 2

At a certain stage, there will come a moment when the question arises, how to forgive treason and whether it should be done? Psychologists, for a start, recommend analyzing the reasons for the behavior and honestly answer the question about future relationships. Forgiving for treason is one thing, but continuing to build relationships together is quite another.

Just do not immediately rush into the abyss of self-examination and look for the reason in yourself. It is often a combination of factors that led to infidelity. Perhaps a decent dose of alcohol provoked treason, and it was a good moment that someone took advantage of. Or maybe it was a moment of quarrel and strong resentment, in retaliation for which the partner considered such a model of behavior acceptable. There are a lot of reasons and they should be taken into account when analyzing relationships.

Forgiving betrayal is necessary and important! If you constantly carry resentment and anger with you and tenderly cherish a plan of revenge, there is a chance to burn out from the inside. In any life situations, you need to find positive moments, experience and supplement yourself from the inside with them, like a mosaic with the necessary fragments. This builds character. What will happen to someone who constantly carries bad experiences with them and does not let them go for a minute? Destruction from within.

Insomnia, tears, apathy, self-delusion, unwillingness to continue to believe people and build relationships, anger and anger. Emotions will change, but at the same time they will bring unbearable pain. For weeks, months, years. Cheating is like a rotten apple in a bag of fresh and ruddy ones. If you don't throw it away in time, the whole bag will rot. Let go of the situation and forgive your partner.

You need to forgive treason in order to continue building relationships further. If it was an accidental time, the repetition of which is unacceptable, then it is worth reconsidering the attitude towards the offender and letting go of the situation. Constant reproaches and nagging will lead to neuroses, irritation and no harmony can be achieved.

One of the erroneous judgments is that by forgiving an insult, a person shows his worthlessness, lack of willpower and character. This is not true. On the contrary, there is strength in forgiveness. Neither in the development of insidious plans for revenge, nor in retaliatory actions, namely in forgiveness, a person will find healing for the soul. It is energetically wrong to carry deep grievances in oneself, this spoils the general energy and transfers it to everyone who is nearby.

How to forgive the betrayal of a loved one: advice from psychologists3

It is difficult to talk about how to forgive the betrayal, if enough time has not passed and it is completely incomprehensible how to proceed further, if invented pictures of the betrayal of a loved one pop up in memory over and over again. First, you need to cool down emotionally and firmly decide that forgiveness can be done. It should be a spiritual act of cleansing oneself from the energetic dirt of the deed of a loved one.

Tip 1. Take a break from the situation

A new hobby, a new company of people, an interesting occupation at work will help you distract yourself from the problem in your free time and not be alone with it. This will make it easier to avoid the desire to dig up all the details and constantly inflict inner pain on yourself from unwanted memories.

Tip 2. Objectively assess the situation

There must be a sober and clear mind for this step. Nobody wants to admit guilt. It is much easier to throw everything off on a partner and wring his hands loudly exclaim: why do I need it? Theatricality and acting talent will not help solve the problem. It's easier to look at the relationship from the partner's side, at appearance, workload. Maybe there are not enough basic things, minimal romance, and it was for her that the partner went to the side.

Tip 3. Frankness for frankness

Having an honest conversation with your partner and finding out in a calm tone the reasons for this behavior will help to avoid mistakes and improve relationships in the future. If he does not seek to sleep with everyone he sees, then the reasons are hidden somewhere on the surface. It is better to talk in neutral territory, not to go into details and not ask about spicy details. Just a conversation between two adults who want to turn this page and move on together. The partner may have complaints or unfulfilled fantasies, the fulfillment of which is necessary for moral relaxation.

Tip 4. No one is insured

No matter how trite it may sound, you need to forgive and give a second chance, because no one is immune from such a situation. If the betrayal is permanent or it lasted more than once, but several years in a row, forgiveness will not change anything. The relationship is unlikely to continue. As if the other half did not swear by oath that there are no more rivals and they are erased from life, one day it turns out that this was a trick to maintain relations in two camps. A one-off incident of infidelity must be let go and forgiven. One day, fate may put in the place of a traitor and want to be forgiven himself.

Tip 5. Do not increase feelings

How to forgive treason? Forgive and that's it! Anyone who likes to return to the problem and focus on the fact that he has been offended is spiritually weak and likes to evoke pity and sympathy in his address. With such difficulties, it is better to turn to a psychologist, and he will help you correct your behavior and not look for a fertile occasion for another portion of "pity" from your family and friends.

Tip 6. Time will heal

Time will help to forgive treason. It is impossible to immediately get rid of the negative situation. Returning to your usual routine will not work right away. It is absolutely normal if in the beginning there is aversion to a partner, caresses and kisses. Over time, two spiritually close people will be drawn to each other and everything will work out. It only takes time.

What to do next4

If the main goal is to preserve the relationship, then finding the strength in yourself to forgive your partner is imperative. Sometimes joint conversations about a detailed analysis of the reasons for treason will help. Sometimes it is enough for a man or a woman to be listened to and accepted for who they are. To understand what inner qualities the partner values, how he represents the ideal model of family and relationships, is important for understanding the inner world. One of the main reasons partners go on the sidelines for thrills is a lack of attention at home. Understanding the partner's inner world will help to make the relationship harmonious.

If the reason for the betrayal was a bland and monotonous sex that has been going according to the planned scenario for years without changes, then you need to go together to an intimate store and buy interesting goods. This will not only awaken the partner's hidden talents, but also reveal new facets of sensitivity and change the quality of sex. New joint hobbies will also help you find a common language and understanding with your partner. Passionate dancing, sports, intellectual games, and at least reading one book for two - everything that is interesting to partners and brings genuine pleasure.

The topic of betrayal in relationships is beaten. Everyone loves to talk about her, especially those who have not encountered her personally. If you look objectively at the statistics of divorce in the country, it will become clear that more than 80% is due to betrayal of partners. Unspoken polls show that almost every couple experiences cheating during their relationship.

Part chooses to end the relationship, the second prefers to develop and build relationships further. Which path to take depends on many factors. There is no relationship that lasts long and there is no temptation to turn left. To forgive treason and remove the reason for non-standard behavior is only in order not to cross out decades of one careless mistake.