Table of contents:
- What is love? I
- The main rules of love2
- Love addiction3
- Take and give4
- Change of mood5
- Lack of hierarchy6
- Priorities and Forgiveness 7
Video: What Love Can Be And Do Men And Women Need Relationships
Love relationships in a couple - this is what most of our contemporaries dream about. People do not have enough successful career growth and everyday comfort - the soul wants successful close relationships, support, mutual understanding, and sometimes sympathy of loved ones. Unfortunately, not everyone succeeds in building harmonious long-term relationships. In many ways, the reason for this is that people simply do not know how to build relationships with the opposite sex, understand a partner, and, first of all, understand themselves.
The content of the article
- 1 What is love?
- 2 The main rules of love
- 3 Love addiction
- 4 Take and give
- 5 Change of mood
- 6 Lack of hierarchy
- 7 Priorities and Forgiveness
Until recently, there was no such thing in Russia as the culture of the nation's psychological health. In fact, it was strictly prohibited. Nevertheless, for a full-fledged love relationship, such "education" is important no less, if not much more than physical health.
What is love? I
According to the results of numerous studies, it is possible to conditionally divide into several types of relationships in a couple, each of them has special nuances of relationships. So what are the types of love relationships?
It is the most common. Partners are strongly attached to each other, interdependent. For fear of losing each other, they are more influencing the behavior of the partner.
The basis for friendly love is initially considered to be romantic love. But, here it is complemented by a high level of mutual respect. Neither partner will allow himself to be forced to do anything else. All ongoing or planned events are carefully discussed and analyzed. And both partners together. Mutual understanding and mutual willingness to yield to each other often contributes to the transition to stable family relationships.
In such a relationship, one-sided attachment of partners is obvious. No, we are not talking about the fact that love is not mutual. It's just that one of the partners is much more attached to the other. He is always ready to make concessions, fulfills any whims and wishes of his half. This is how he intends to pursue close relationships. These relationships are based on dependency and require constant adherence to tacitly established rules.
Love without commitment
In some ways it is similar to charismatic relationships. In such a very modern relationship, one of the partners also feels great affection for the other. The other of the couple simply "allows" to love themselves. Even if this type of relationship turns into a family relationship, psychologists believe that cheating in such a marriage is inevitable.
Love in submission
In such a relationship, one of the partners clearly uses the other, having clear power over him. Moreover, each partner has their own goals. For example, one partner needs closeness, while the other only needs submission, power and control.
Love of convenience
So they say about relationships in which there is absolutely no place for emotions. Most often, the formation of such an alliance was preceded by certain reasons. These reasons are most often the fear of loneliness and the material benefit of one of the partners. There is no love and spiritual intimacy here, but both partners are interested in a relationship.
Some people are faced with a situation where they fail to build absolutely no love relationships. It turns out that there are also quite explainable reasons for this, which can be conditionally divided into three main problems.
- Lack of personal integrity
- Lack of basic knowledge
In the first case, a person who is not capable of a love relationship needs to look for reasons in himself. Only a holistic person, who is primarily in harmony with himself, can create a relationship with another person. If a person is torn apart by numerous internal conflicts, understanding someone from the outside is simply impossible.
The second problem, quite deservedly, can be called the incompatibility of partners. These can be radically opposite moral and spiritual values, different landmarks, divergent life values, or incompatibility in intimate life.
As for the third problem - lack of basic knowledge, it is much easier to fix it than the previous two. It's like a master's tools. Without them, he will not be able to fix broken things. Likewise, a person without his tools - knowledge, will not be able to improve the quality of his life. Here we are talking about the following:
- Knowledge and understanding of your nature
- Understanding the psychology of the opposite sex
- Awareness of partner preferences
- Basic communication skills
If a person does not possess the above "tools", then he simply cannot build a serious relationship on love alone.
It is worth noting that the main criterion is still compatibility in love relationships. Do not forget that the conversation is about love, not about falling in love, during which the partner's shortcomings are simply not noticed, and the incompatibility is attributed to the banal "endure - fall in love".
Such a plot is more like a fairy tale, or copied from the next "soap opera". This does not happen in real life. It is impossible for an adult to understand and, moreover, accept a partner's shortcomings without experiencing a feeling of mental discomfort.
Say what you don’t say, but the skills in order to establish a love relationship come with life experience. Quite in vain, many people think that after watching a huge number of tearful melodramas, you can acquire just the same encyclopedic knowledge and become a professor of heart affairs.
In practice, everything turns out to be far from the case, and the mythological love of glamorous TV series does not in the least resemble real relationships. And if you build a real connection, relying on the recommendations received from the films, instead of love, it is quite possible to get cynicism and painful disappointment.
For everything you need to know about painful relationships, read our article here.
The main rules of love2
Whoever and what does not say about the mutual dissolution of couples in love in each other, all these are vain expectations. In fact, every person in a relationship should have a personal space. Here we are not talking about their own square meters, but about the social circle, interests, time spent alone alone with oneself, communication with other people.
The standard version of a love relationship assumes that a man has complete freedom of action, and a woman should live only in the interests of the house, husband and children (if any). Sooner or later, such an emotional concentration of the spouse on a narrowly limited circle of communication leads to the opposite result. The woman begins to "strain" everything around her.
Feeling emotional discomfort, she, accordingly, begins to take out her negativity on others. In this case, these are the people closest to her. The result is constant quarrels and scandals and, like the finish line, the end of love.
To prevent this, it is very important to maintain a distance and leave the partner freedom of personal space, circle of contacts and interests.
Falling in love is often insane. A couple not only does not notice anyone around, moreover, people who are in a couple do not notice much themselves. First of all, we are talking about the partner's shortcomings. But, falling in love with time passes, and harsh everyday life begins. It is then that the relationship begins to fluctuate like a scale.
One of the partners further concentrates on the second, who, in turn, unable to withstand the pressure, begins to "break free." Such attempts to avoid being overly attached to a partner can result in sarcastic behavior, withdrawal, or a complete breakdown.
Whatever it was, it is always necessary to leave the partner the right of free choice - with whom to be friends, with whom to communicate and where to go, the partner himself must decide. And this is not discussed. If the satellite is especially in no hurry to provide freedom, you need to do it yourself a little at a time. New hobby, work, new friends. You need to "blind" your own world and be sure to become a master in it.
Joy and inner happiness will certainly attract a partner. And, on the contrary, if a person is initially perceived as a sufferer, this eventually begins to strain and leads to quarrels, and then to parting.
Take and give4
It may seem surprising, but a similar, it can be said bluntly - the ideal balance of relations takes place in the underdeveloped in terms of civilization, African tribes. At one time this was determined by the philosopher from Germany Bert Hellinger. Engaged in the creation of a psychotherapeutic method on the constellation of relationships in the family, he went as a missionary to Central Africa to study family relationships in the Zulu tribes.
Incredibly, these tribes had an even distribution of the concepts of "take" and "give". That is, you need to give the partner as much as he gives. In some cases, a little more, one might say upfront. This will make the companion feel obligated and also invest a little more in the relationship. And so the "relationship" goes around in a circle again and again, strengthening and stabilizing, thus, the relationship.
Members of semi-savage African tribes, unlike residents of huge metropolitan areas, are well aware that if you give your partner much more than he is able to give in return, this will inevitably lead to the emergence of guilt. It is this feeling that will one hundred percent lead to the separation of the couple. The only question is time.
Change of mood5
Willingness for a love relationship implies complete openness for a partner, tenderness, trust, and shared hopes. At the same time, it is impossible to do without fear, pain and vulnerability. True love, changeable like the seasons. In spring it blooms, blooms and gives new emotions. In the summer, the relationship is stable, vibrant and filled with feelings.
In the fall, passions gradually subside and love, as if falling asleep. When it's winter in love, partners feel a certain detachment to each other, coldness and alienation appear in the relationship.
The main thing in order to maintain a love relationship is to adequately perceive changes in the "love mood" and not to react too sharply to the change in love "seasons". It is not entirely simple, and to be more precise, it is not at all easy. The only thing that can be said for sure is that this cannot be done without it.
Lack of hierarchy6
One of the most important aspects of a relationship. Here the partners must understand that they are both equal. A spouse is not at all obliged to unconditionally love and forgive (unlike a mother). In the same way, no one is obliged to constantly guess all desires, take care of and solve all problems that arise on their own.
Very often, one of the partners tries to get from the other those feelings and sensations that were not received by him in childhood. This is a huge mistake that can completely destroy all the bright sides of love. For all the good that the partner does, you need to express your gratitude and in no case should you take all this for granted.
Priorities and Forgiveness 7
In order for a love relationship to be long-term and mutual, it is imperative to be able to separate the main and secondary nuances in them. In many ways, you need to learn to forgive and give in. Of course, we are not talking about cases where fundamentally important points are upheld. Then you cannot throw your “I” at your feet. We are talking about little things that are not particularly important and arguing about them can do much more harm than "winning" the dispute will do. Moreover, such a strategy should be chosen by both partners and this is a prerequisite for an ideal love relationship.
So, in order to turn a love relationship into a permanent family life, you first need to change yourself. In many ways, to love is to forgive. It is worth learning to compromise, to yield, and most importantly, to feel a partner, understand and respect him.
And then it's a matter of time. If people are really important to each other, they will quite normally survive the end of the period of love and, holding hands tightly, will enter a new era of stable love relationships.
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