Table of contents:
- What is a manipulator? i
- How to recognize a villain? 2
- Is it possible to change the manipulator and build happiness with him?
Video: The Guy Takes Out The Brains. Why Is This Dangerous For A Relationship?
Unfortunately, happy and harmonious couples are becoming less and less common, and unhealthy unions are more and more observed. Regular tantrums become not only a woman's prerogative, but also a man's. Psychologists warn: if a guy puts out his brains and regularly makes claims, he can turn out to be a real manipulator.
The content of the article
- 1 Who is a manipulator?
- 2 How to recognize a villain?
- 3 Is it possible to change the manipulator and build happiness with him?
Why is personal data bad? The ones that make the partner suffer and feel unhappy. Some manage to escape and get rid of the shackles of the abuser, and some carry this heavy burden throughout their lives.
What is a manipulator? i
Initially, it may seem that such men are strong and powerful personalities who always achieve their goals. This is not so: they are powerful, but morally weak and vulnerable enough. All this feigned arrogance, exactingness, independence is just a defense from his insecure, nasty and miserable inner world.
The manipulator often has unstable self-esteem that ranges from extremely high to extremely low. However, even in periods of narcissism and arrogance, he is not confident in himself and conceals anger inside the world, envy of others and hatred of women.
Another distinguishing feature of the abuser is to show his nature only to the intended victim. That is, such a person may seem absolutely harmless, for example, in a work collective. Friends can consider him a kind and nice guy, colleagues at work can speak of him as a responsible and responsive person. And only one girl knows the dark side of his personality. Why?
Because the manipulator feels where he can take root and put pressure, and if he meets people morally stronger than himself, he begins to pretend to be an ordinary unremarkable person. Therefore, most often those men who are in good standing with their entire environment turn out to be evil and cold abuser.
It is worth noting that the manipulator does not immediately show its character. And this is quite logical. After all, even a girl with the lowest self-esteem is unlikely to be interested in a young man who will intrigue her from the first days. For this, the abuser waits for the moment when the victim completely falls in love and dissolves in him, and then begins to demonstrate a moral shock, most often in portions.
For example, today a guy takes out his brain, and tomorrow, with loving eyes, he recalls his first acquaintance and unforgettable dates. This principle knocks the victim out of the rut, which binds him to inadequacy even more.
It is worth dispelling the myth that manipulators do nasty things on purpose. Most often, negative actions occur unconsciously, because they are designed this way and it is normal for them. None of the villains develop a plan for the moral destruction of their partners, everything happens under the influence of impulses, hatred and anger. But, of course, there is still a share of conscious actions. For example, deliberately provoking jealousy or playing "closer and further".
If a guy is brain-dead, is he always a manipulator? Almost yes. After all, what is brain removal? These are tantrums, claims, suspicions and excessive jealousy. These phenomena are unacceptable for a healthy relationship, which is why they often talk about unhealthy unions. And manipulators live in this very environment. But, of course, we can assume that the removal of the brain from a man is due to his excessive fatigue or an ugly act on the part of his beloved woman.
How to recognize a villain? 2
Any girl with adequate self-esteem will become clear if an abuser is in front of her. You can even say that a girl with adequate self-esteem is unlikely to have to meet him within her personal space. In most cases, they filter out such candidates at the stage of dating. It can be quite difficult for girls with an unstable perception of themselves to understand that something is wrong with a partner, especially if he shifts the blame for all the problems in the relationship onto her.
Psychologists say: if in a love union a girl constantly feels anxious, tense (even if there is no reason for that), does not feel calm, balance and return, it means that she is more likely to get into an abusive relationship. What additional signs indicate unhealthy male behavior:
- Periodic distance and convergence. This is a kind of carrot and stick method, when the partner first humiliates the victim, plunges her into a sea of claims, discontent and demands. And then, as if nothing had happened, he appears with a sweet smile, an affectionate look and again resumes communication. This unsettles the girl, she begins to try even more to please her beloved so that he no longer switches to villain mode. Sometimes distance is not so brightly colored in negative emotions. For example, a man abruptly disappears for several days and ignores his partner. The confused woman does not understand what happened, she cuts off the phones, does not sleep at night. And then he - as if nothing had happened, appears and begins to communicate as usual. It is easy to guess that after the grandiose return, the woman becomes even more attached.
- Lowers self-esteem. Self-affirmation at the expense of a woman is one of the main signs of an abuser. Some of them do it openly and directly, telling their partner about her shortcomings. But a separate type of villains does it "kindly" and as if with benefit.
- He recognizes his opinion as the only correct one. The manipulator likes to devalue and not recognize the ideas and views of his partner. He listens only to himself and from the very thought that he will have to act in his own way, he becomes enraged. And even if the girl is right and says the right things, more often than not the abuser will arise and devalue her words.
- Can't empathize. The manipulator is basically devoid of any human emotion. His standard set is hatred, anger, resentment, envy. There is no place for compassion and experience. Of course, in order to exist in society, a man has to play empathy and pretend sympathy, but this looks very superficial and false. Therefore, the manipulator is unable to support the partner, suggest options and ways to resolve the problem that has fallen on her. He, most likely, will just brush off the money or say a banal “calming” phrase, than really get into the essence of the problem.
- He's picky. Manipulators are overly categorical towards themselves and towards people. Any deviation from his invented norms or any inconsistency with his views can turn into a serious conflict. This person requires an ideal attitude towards himself, wants to be listened to, not offended, not changed and respected. And this is quite normal, if not for one "but". He himself never meets his requirements and treats his partner much worse than she does to him.
These main signs should alert and make you think.
Is it possible to change the manipulator and build happiness with him?
Hardly, and even if possible, this is a huge and not entirely rewarding job that will take a lot of time. A person with more stable self-esteem can tame the abuser. Therefore, for this, the girl will have to do a great deal of work on her attitude towards herself. But will a confident lady need a partner dissatisfied and offended by the whole world? Most probably not.
The only way out is not to endure when a guy takes out his brain, but to leave, restore his morale and seek help from a specialist.
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