Love And Lust: How These Two Concepts Differ

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Love And Lust: How These Two Concepts Differ
Love And Lust: How These Two Concepts Differ
Video: Love And Lust: How These Two Concepts Differ
Video: 6 Differences Between Love vs Lust 2023, February
beautiful girl
beautiful girl

Sometimes a voluptuous attraction to a person is so strong that it can be mistaken for love. The adage says that love is blind, but this is also true of lust. When you are in love, you are blind to your partner's shortcomings, however, being in a state of all-consuming lust, you also may not notice reality.

The content of the article

  • 1 Love and lust scientifically
  • 2 Expert opinion
  • 3 you can't stop talking
  • 4 you want to wake up together
  • 5 You never stop thinking about your loved one
  • 6 You want to know the close circle of a loved one
  • 7 you accept your lover's flaws
  • 8 It takes time to truly feel

Not surprisingly, humans find it difficult to distinguish between love and lust, given that the two activate similar neural pathways in the brain associated with personality self-esteem, purposeful behavior, happiness, reward, and addiction.

Love and Lust Scientifically

Psychologists and sexologists interpret the concept of love as a long-term attraction with a deep sense of emotional attachment to another person. Lust is a physical attraction with an overwhelming sense of sexual desire due to the active production of hormones.

In the 1990s, a group of scientists led by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher studied the science of lust and love. The researchers decided to divide romantic love as a mental phenomenon into three categories: lust, persistent attraction and attachment, since each of these feelings, as it turned out, has its own distinctive chemical signals from the brain.

It turns out that passion, fueled exclusively by the desire for sexual gratification, releases testosterone with estrogen, that is, hormones that increase the individual's libido. Cravings that go beyond the confines of sex trigger the release of neurotransmitters such as dopamine and norepinephrine, which can lead to feelings of elation, as well as loss of appetite and decreased need for sleep.


Attachment, or "accompanying love," is safer, more grounded, longer lasting than lust and attraction, and this is due to the production of the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin.

Expert opinion 2

However, aside from brain chemistry, which is impossible to test on your own, how can you tell if your feelings are love or a fleeting sexual attraction? Simone Humphrey, Ph.D. in Psychology and Signe Simon, Ph.D., conducted many years of joint work in which they analyzed the differences in behavior, sensations, desires of a person in a state of exclusively sexual attraction and real deep love. Some of their findings will help you figure out exactly how you feel.

You can't stop talking3

Two people, passionately connected only by the desire for sexual intimacy, can easily stay awake until the morning because of their intimate entertainment. But, this will not be a stimulating factor for their verbal communication, and the couple will not stay awake all night for the sake of conversations.


However, two people in love are just as interested in spiritual, intellectual knowledge of each other, as well as in physical intimacy. It is easy for a couple to lose track of time, even if they are busy talking exclusively. In this case, the partners do not "get hung up" on the topic of the conversation, and, even if they do not agree on everything, each of them will remain intrigued by the worldview of their interlocutor.

Do you want to wake up together 4

With a loved one, you want to fall asleep together and wake up in his arms. You yourself cannot understand which is better - sex or, following it, the state of unity, comfort, deep spiritual intimacy. When intercourse ends, you find pleasure in communicating with each other and in a simple gentle hug. The thought of waking up together and having a quiet breakfast together fills you with the same joy that children experience in anticipation of a gift.

You never stop thinking about your loved one5

Of course, the object of lust is also able to occupy your thoughts, some of which are devoted not to the person himself, but to savoring the physical aspects of your relationship and, possibly, sexual fantasies in which you both appear.

Lust and love
Lust and love

For those who are in love, thoughts of a dear person become a kind of obsession. You will remember his or her words, actions, behavior, and only in a positive aspect. Your memory comes back again and again to hugs, kisses, gentle touches and looks, everything that you experienced the day before.

You will start thinking about what you will tell your partner when you meet, how you can please, surprise or make him laugh. And you know what? In feverishly agitated thoughts, physical intimacy will not be the main subject of attention, although it cannot be argued that your thoughts will remain completely pure.

You want to know the close circle of a loved one 6

Lust extends only to the object of lust itself. You are not interested in the circle of his or her family, friends, you will not have a desire to get acquainted with their relatives and close friends, and even more so to like them.

Love prompts the desire to know all aspects of a partner's life. Your loved one can talk a lot about the people around him, but you want to get to know them personally, and not only get to know them, but also please them. You will also want to build good relationships with them and win their sympathy. You will feel that the close circle of your loved one, especially his family, is a vital part of the development of your relationship.

Lust and love difference
Lust and love difference

In turn, you will be thrilled and proud to be able to introduce him or her to your best friends and family, wanting them to adore your new partner and see them as the qualities you appreciated.

You Accept Your Lover's Flaws 7

With the rational mind of modern man, we are all perfectly aware that no one is perfect, but we easily lose sight of this when we are blinded by hormones and desire. Lusting for someone, we make up an idealized idea of ​​a person, and do not see his real image.

We all also tend to imagine the ideal version of ourselves when relationships begin to emerge, and try not to show our flaws, at least those that we know about. We get to know others and reveal ourselves only over time.

When the self-control of both partners weakens, and the veil of first enthusiasm falls from your eyes, you will recognize the person as he really is. This will either end the relationship, meaning it never gets past the lust stage, or your feelings will stay the same, indicating that it is growing and turning into true love. If you love, then you realize your partner's shortcomings, accept them and, most likely, consider some of them as advantages.

True love and lust
True love and lust

It takes time to truly feel8

Whatever you think, but love at first sight does not exist. Of course, you can experience instant sexual attraction and something like a lightning bolt with fireworks in your head at the first kiss. All of this can be easily confused with love, especially if the relationship continues to develop.

Not infrequently, the stage of lust develops into real strong feelings, but this takes time. True love, with its deep attachment and sense of security, does not appear overnight. To love someone, you have to spend time with them and truly get to know the person.

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