Table of contents:
- You have no sex
- You have nothing to talk about with him2
- You are together … but not together3
- Inner Voice4
- Other people's problems5
- Do you imagine life without him7
- You have stopped fighting 8
- It seems to you that he does not hear you9
- Emotional cheating10
- You spend more time with your friends11
- Divorce cannot be tolerated12
Video: I Think I Have Fallen Out Of Love With My Husband. What To Do?
Break up? Go into the void? Give up illusions and admit that the marriage is falling apart? Fearfully.
The content of the article
- 1 You have no sex
- 2 You have nothing to talk about with him
- 3 You are together … but not together
- 4 Inner Voice
- 5 Other people's problems
- 6 Distance
- 7 Can you imagine life without him
- 8 you stopped fighting
- 9 It seems to you that he does not hear you
- 10 Emotional cheating
- 11 You spend more time with your friends.
- 12 Divorce cannot be tolerated
Do you know what's even worse? The consequences to which your inaction will lead. “Being in an unhappy marriage can negatively affect your mental health,” says Carrie Cole, a board-certified physician at the Gottman Institute. Studies show that people living in unhappy marriages are familiar with anxiety, depression, and weak immune systems. They also often have problems with self-esteem.
Parting brings pain and frustration, but sooner or later people recover and find their happiness. “According to statistics, 85% of people get married again within five years after breaking up an unhappy marriage,” Carrie reassures.
Before you are the main signs that your marriage has outlived its usefulness, and you need to urgently do something.
You have no sex
Sexologist and therapist Megan Fleming says lack of sex in a relationship is a red alarm. If sex in a couple happens less than ten times a year, the problem is obvious. Meghan emphasizes that intimacy separates partnerships from any other - which is why it is so important.
Jane Greer, a therapist and writer, agrees. The couple should have a place for physical contact in all its manifestations. Lack of hugs and kisses is a bad sign.
You have nothing to talk about with him2
When something out of the ordinary happens in your life, to whom do you rush to inform about it? If you don't want to tell your spouse about your sorrows and joys, you should stop and think - do you want to talk to him at all? Greer emphasizes that the lack of heart-to-heart conversations (discussing household matters does not count) is one of the main signs that a relationship is failing.
You are together … but not together3
You seem to be a meter apart, but there is an abyss between you. If you two are really comfortable, you feel comfortable going about your business and occasionally exchanging phrases. He's on the phone, you watch TV. You do not need to talk, but it does not bother anyone - there is a strong bond between you that does not need to be maintained verbally.
Is it all wrong with you? It's sad.
Our instincts react quickly and give us signals when a relationship starts to fall apart. But we stubbornly ignore these signals. So says the writer and therapist Susan Pease Gadois. “We often ignore the quiet and calm inner voice,” says Susan. We are used to listening to the voice of the mind, not the heart. Therefore, we very often suppress inner doubts and experiences, if we do not believe that they have reasonable grounds.
Stop and ask yourself a couple of questions: "Do I feel happy in this relationship?", "Do we respect each other?"
Sometimes it is worth listening to the voice of the heart. It subtly senses what the mind is trying not to react to.
Other people's problems5
Do you know why so many women continue to be in relationships that aren't worth it? Because they are used to putting others' needs and needs ahead of their own.
Women are used to taking care of others. But it is very important not to lose yourself, not to forget to take care of yourself beloved. “To finally come face to face with relationship problems, a woman must stop constantly solving other people's problems. Probably caring for others is just a way to escape your own problems,”says Gadua. Are you constantly getting involved in quarrels between your mother and sister, rushing headlong to solve other people's problems? Stop and take a look at your relationship with your husband.
“All couples go through crises. But if the difficult period lasts more than two years and there is no improvement, it is worth asking for help,”advises Gadua. Moreover, it is better to do this before you reach the point of no return.
Cole says most couples wait a full six years from the onset of a crisis before going to a therapist. Is it worth waiting so long and suffering? Of course not.
Do you imagine life without him7
Do you often imagine what your life would be like without him? And it seems to you that without this ballast you would be happier? This is already a bell.
Therapist Jamie Terndorf says that in this way you try to distance yourself from your husband in advance, so that parting with him is not so painful.
“Psychological withdrawal when you fantasize about cheating or make plans for life without a spouse is a sign that you have stopped loving him. It is as if the mind pulls the plug out of the socket and "turns off" the heart. In general, he does everything so that it does not break when the relationship ends,”says Terndorf.
You have stopped fighting 8
You don't fight anymore. No, you have not become closer to each other, conflicts have not been settled and the situation has not cleared up. It's just that you no longer discuss your problems, do not listen to each other's opinions and do not try to change anything.
“Fights can bring partners closer together if they can benefit from them and strengthen their relationship,” says Cole.
It seems to you that he does not hear you9
And you don't really listen to him, do you? “The most powerful tool for resolving conflicts is actively listening to (and understanding) your partner,” Terndorf recalls.
Ask your partner exactly how you upset him. Listen to his words and try to understand his feelings. It will become easier for you. Pain and aggression will smoothly go away, and mutual understanding and love will return in their place.
“More often than not, partners who were once best friends and have now turned into enemies just didn't talk to each other enough. There are also high expectations and hidden grievances,”says Gadua.
If you are unhappy with your spouse, you may face "emotional betrayal" - you will feel interest or even love for another man.
“Technologies allow flirting even for those who would never have dared to do it before - online unties their hands. It's hard to resist the temptation. And what happens online sometimes goes offline,”says Wendy O'Connor, a licensed family therapist.
If the relationship is already on the brink, do not give in to temptation and do not flirt with others - otherwise things will only get worse.
You spend more time with your friends11
When we need to speak out or share joy, we go to the person who is dearer and closer to us. Your spouse is not the first person to whom you turn for help and advice? Needless to say, this is a wake-up call?
“Research shows that in happy marriages, people share their successes with each other. If you share your problems and joys with other people, it is a signal that he has become a stranger to you on an emotional level - and you have begun to replace him with other people,”says Paulette Sherman, psychologist and author.
You don't get support from him. Moreover, you don't want to accept help from him.
Divorce cannot be tolerated12
Is it possible to save a relationship and is it worth doing? Here are the words of Fran Walvis, a psychologist and author from Beverly Hills:
“I think it is very important to remind people that there are not so many really intractable problems. But if your partner doesn't want to save the marriage, then you are powerless here. Saving a relationship requires the active participation of both partners.”
A one-sided game is not about a happy marriage.