Table of contents:
- Why is it generally believed that it does not exist?
- Personal experience of not very good friendship2
- Mom said so3
- Non-reciprocal love4
- Is cynicism a friend of man, or what? 5
- Sexism and friendship6
- Why It Doesn't Matter 7
- If a friend was suddenly8
- This scary word is friendzone9
- How not to be "friendzone" 10
- Girlfriend and wife11
Video: Is There A Friendship Between A Guy And A Girl?
They say that friendship between a guy and a girl is a kind of prelude to sex. Or a relationship that has begun, but without the possibility of continuing. Eh, cynics. Here in Soviet times, heterosexual comrades were friends. Well, or later received for an inappropriate lifestyle at a party meeting.
The content of the article
- 1 Why it is generally accepted that it does not exist
- 2 Personal experience of not a very good friendship
- 3 So Mom Said
- 4 Non-reciprocal love
- 5 Is cynicism a friend of man, or what?
- 6 Sexism and friendship
- 7 Why It Doesn't Matter
- 8 If a friend is suddenly
- 9 It's a scary word - friendzone
- 10 How not to be "friendzone"
- 11 Girlfriend and wife
And there was no sex either. And today everyone is just lamenting that girls, under the pretext of friendship, lure guys into relationships, and then for years "they are not allowed to the body." Is there a real strong opposite-sex friendship?
Why is it generally believed that it does not exist?
The position that friends are failed lovers is very popular. The reasons are simple:
- A person judges from his own experience. In life, he really would not mind meeting a friend or girlfriend, but this did not happen for some objective reason;
- So said mom, dad, school or teacher's council. Other people, with their own authoritative opinion, have established attitudes from childhood. Therefore, we have illogical and not related to personal experience of the installation;
- I'd like to believe in it very much. Victims of non-mutual love can “make friends” for years with those they love, and wait for the situation to turn in their favor. This is quite natural;
- Extreme cynicism. A person is driven by the desire for profit, the desire for power, and sexual gratification. Friendship is only a temporary association of organisms with common goals. One has only the goal to lose its relevance, and it disintegrates. In this case, it is logical to want a more unambiguous relationship;
- Sexism. Guys believe that girls are not full-fledged people, as dad told them about it. Girls - that guys, though "on horseback" in society, but under the thumb in the family. Mom said so.
- Both sexes do not get anything particularly attractive from the relationship, so the system of concessions, checks and balances. Of course, sincere friendship with such attitudes does not work.
Personal experience of not very good friendship2
Girls have friends like that. An amazing young man who is always ready to help in a difficult situation, loves the same films and even reads books. But it's immediately clear that he wants to date, not be friends. And the poor woman doesn't like him at all.
Yes, it happens that girls are not just happy about the fact that there is at least some guy in their dull and gray life, but they choose by their appearance, voice, behavior, but at least by the scent of perfume, it does not matter. Relationships can be good and mutual, but absolutely no spark. And that's okay.
Let's say a friend insists and takes offense that he is being "friendzoned". And she doesn't do it on purpose. She just doesn't like you as a sex object. Yes, while a guy can be a tall, pumped-up blond with blue eyes and a salary in the thousands of dollars. But only a small wiry brunette can light a girl. And she doesn't care about the salary.
Over time, friendship with different goals is decently exhausting for both the guy and the girl. And both "friends" part very dissatisfied. The reason is the difference in goals. Over time, a girl develops a stereotype “guys only need one thing,” and they generally stop communicating with men just like that, not for the sake of relationships or work.
Mom said so3
We love our parents and that's okay. But their experience often becomes defining in our life. Let's say mom is sure that a friend who writes to a girl at night just to chat about French existentialists and tomorrow's philosophy seminar is not a friend, but a potential lover.
Maybe she herself had only friends, or there were neither those nor those, and the appearance of a daughter is a miracle. Who cares, it is important that mom broadcasts her valuable opinion every day.
Let's say a friend is not very good, and uploads a video from her last birthday, where the girl was a little out of her mind and danced in shock on the bar. This is not a funny story, superimposed on the words of mom, and so, welcome the new person who believes that there is no friendship between a boy and a girl.
Everyone had this. Usually a person tries to close himself off from pain, and breaks off contacts with his beloved, only sometimes continuing to dream. This is a pretty healthy strategy if you have the strength to live peacefully. But it does not work well if there are no such forces. And the lover can begin to actively "make friends".
The appearance of such friends in life only makes it worse, because a person constantly falls into the trap of the difference between his desires and capabilities. Over the years, he becomes more and more disappointed, and the pain is transformed into disappointment, and the person ceases to perceive reality adequately.
It may seem to him that life is unfair in general, and there is neither love nor friendship. Such a person needs to try to get out of the abyss of negativity, and not focus on broadcasting negative thoughts outside.
Is cynicism a friend of man, or what? 5
The most cynical people are former romantics who tried to go through the thorns to the stars. In fact, if a person is evaluating the relationship in terms of benefit, they can:
- “To be friends” with anyone, if his “friend” or “girlfriend” can solve the necessary issue, help with the business, get a job, and even give the control one to write off;
- quickly part with a person who has become useless. It is these “comrades” who quickly leave the ruined rich, the singers and poets who have ceased to be popular, and even the bloggers who have flown off the hype wave. They behave in much the same way in the family. Did your wife get fat after giving birth? No, we will not help her with the child so that she goes to fitness, we will find ourselves a lover. Husband lost his job? Why do we need one? We quickly go to my mother and register for Tinder;
- “Sell” your friends for money, social benefits, or some other good. A man goes over his head, if you need to choose between money and friendship, he will choose money. And the environment is also on the principle of "profitable-not profitable", and not according to other criteria.
Cynics can genuinely fall in love or be friends, but this is rare. Yet, most of them are actively trying to obtain material benefits, not spiritual ones.
Cynical girls can exploit the "friend" as they please. For example, someone needs to show their parents that their personal life is in order. The friend quickly transforms into a "guy". And then, when it is not profitable, he goes back to the “friend zone”.
Cynical guys can use a "friend" to make acquaintance with her sister or someone else from a close circle, and then, when the goal is achieved, not even respond to messages on social networks.
Sexism and friendship6
Sadly, given the declared equality, we are too fixated on the "gender difference". Some argue that the guys "think only about one thing", others - that the girls are too mercantile and cynical, and will only "be friends" if you have a simple provincial salary and do not have a car.
The girls are too weak, and it is not interesting to go hiking with them. The guys are too rude, and do not understand art, they cannot be invited to the exhibition. All of these are manifestations of sexism.
Discrimination of a person on the basis of his gender, or rather, his perception due to social stereotypes “you’re a girl” and “you’re a boy” hinder the friendship of a man and a woman. In patriarchal countries, religious prohibitions are also pressing. In general, there is no chance.
At the same time, there is even such a type - "your boyfriend" This is a girl who is interested in cars, football, games, sports, can drink beer without grimacing on the topic of excess weight, and support any conversation. They are stereotypically friends with such girls, they borrow 1,000 rubles to pay the salary, and they even drink beer with them.
But in the opinion of the majority, such people do not start a relationship. A girl - “her boyfriend” will hang out in the backyard of the male world as a kind of general comrade who wants more, but gets nothing. After all, he fell into the "only friend" category. And what is a friend zone and how to avoid it, read further on the link.
Why It Doesn't Matter 7
If a person's life was determined only by sex hormones, we would:
- We started a family at a very early age;
- Up to 35 years old they would only reproduce;
- Then they quickly tried to make room for new generations of the same biological creatures.
The progress of mankind, science, art, culture - all this testifies that people are a little more complicated than the sexual and social scheme based purely on reproduction. The presence of other interests in human beings determines the fact that men and women can be friends.
If a friend was suddenly8
Yes, friendship can end with sex, and a wedding, or anything else. That's the beauty of modern life. The frame is getting smaller, we are having fun more and more varied. The main thing is that the desires of friends coincide. And it happens that one friend has already fallen in love for a long time, and the second still cannot.
You don't need to think, worry, build any strange schemes in your head. You just need to talk, because you are friends. Otherwise, what is the point in all friendship if people cannot find a common language?
This scary word is friendzone9
This is the name of a relationship in which one partner artificially reduces the attempts of the other to become closer to nothing. What is a girls' friend zone is a concept with a connotation "you are not worthy or do not deserve my love." A lot of copies on the Internet have been broken on this topic, but not only girls are “friendzones” of their partners.
For example, a guy is handsome, young, wealthy, has his own business and some weird hobby like love for Swedish art-house films. His girlfriend is young, wealthy, beautiful, but does not reach the "luxury girlfriend" of a rich businessman. That is, she does not have pumped lips, a fourth breast size, and legs from her ears. An ordinary girl like that, even her hair is not naked.
The girl wants to get closer, and has repeatedly tried to "escape" from the friend zone. The guy continues to treat her like a friend, goes to the movies with her at the Swedish arthouse, but to the fashionable action films - with other girls. And in the clubs too. And he goes to rest. Over time, our heroine develops an inferiority complex. It seems to her that the whole thing is in appearance, or rather, in the unwillingness to meet fashionable beauty standards.
The girl is finally tired of being “friends”, and she simply stops responding to messages. She finds a boyfriend, meets with him, and gets married. But she will never forget her friend and her attempts to "get out of the friend zone." She would have called first, but she thinks all is lost.
How not to be "friendzone" 10
There are no universal recipes like “call so many times, say that friendship is cooler than relations so many times”. But you will have to talk to a friend, if, of course, this is really a strong friendship of adults, you will have to. This will help you stay honest in your relationship.
But it probably won't get better, at least not right away. In general, it is important to maintain sincerity in friendship, no matter what happens.
Girlfriend and wife11
Rarely can anyone maintain friendship with their heterosexual friends after marriage. Yes, it turns out great if you go in for sports together, and your chosen one or chosen one is also engaged. Then the family and the company exist in a harmonious space.
But if the wife has never crossed paths with her friend before, and you didn't bother to introduce them when you first met, there will be a problem. Few are able to understand friendship between a man and a woman if a spouse is involved in it.
You can only avoid jealousy if you spend time together and communicate. But this is still the most problematic situation, especially if the spouse is against. Of course, we will have to explain that adults can sometimes just be friends, without any "attempts on honor" and secret love.
Yes, they say that spouses are more valuable than friends. But for a full and healthy life, we need communication and support, and not only at home. Therefore, friends are important, no matter what gender they are, as long as their attitude is sincere.
So, friendship between a guy and a girl exists exactly as long as a man and a woman believe in it. And exactly when it can be maintained without wasting time on drama and showdowns about failed relationships and love.
The problem is that not everyone enters into this relationship exactly as sincere. If one "comrade" sleeps and sees a continuation with marriage and children, nothing worthwhile will come of exactly as much as he will hide his true attitude towards the "friend".
But about whether there is friendship between men, you can find out in our next article!