How To Stop Being Jealous? The Psychology Of Jealousy

Table of contents:

How To Stop Being Jealous? The Psychology Of Jealousy
How To Stop Being Jealous? The Psychology Of Jealousy

Video: How To Stop Being Jealous? The Psychology Of Jealousy

Video: How To Stop Being Jealous? The Psychology Of Jealousy
How to get rid of jealousy
How to get rid of jealousy

Jealous means that he loves or without jealousy there is no love. If you look closely at the meaning of these words, you can find many discrepancies. For example, why do many couples break up because of this feeling? Or why is jealousy noted as a destructive feeling? It is necessary to understand this and understand how to get rid of jealousy even before the start of the first scandals based on mistrust.

The content of the article

  • 1 What is it?
  • 2 Who is inclined?
  • 3 No detective games
  • 4 Fantasies and comparisons
  • 5 Learn to delimit the psychological space
  • 6 Youthful maximalism?
  • 7 Trust
  • 8 Balance

What is it? I

Under this concept, as already mentioned, there is a destructive (destructive) feeling that a person experiences due to the feeling of a lack of something (for example, attention) from another person (for example, a girl) under the conditions that this very attention is received by another person … By the way, this feeling can be chronic and then it is called jealousy. In some cases, a similar picture can be considered a disease.

If a relationship is not mixed in such a situation, then the feeling will be called envy.

Most often, the described feeling looks like an unshakable demand that a person who is attractive to a jealous person should belong exclusively to him. For a more precise understanding, two illustrative examples can be given:

  1. When the parents feel that the younger brother or sister is spending more time and pampering him, the older child will begin to experience a destructive emotion.
  2. In an ordinary couple, where a colleague from work called a girl and occupied her with a conversation for a long time, the young man may have an attack of jealousy. It all depends on the character and self-control, but if the colleague turned out to be a male, and the faithful also spoke to him politely, an injection of this feeling is inevitable.

An ideal relationship is a fragile and almost unattainable balance between absolute trust and confidence in your soul mate on the one hand, and moral readiness for any development of events on the other. A smart spouse will not give reasons for doubts of a loved one, but at the same time will try to indicate the fact that the opposite sex is still paying attention to him (her). This allows the relationship to be in constant tone, and not dissolve in laziness and routine.

Who is inclined? 2

To figure out how to get rid of jealousy, you must first find out the factors conducive to it. It is the personal characteristics of each person that affect the ability to defeat destructive feelings.

how to get rid of jealousy
how to get rid of jealousy
  • When a person is afraid of losing the object of his adoration. This fear is born of strong emotional attachment.
  • Excessive attachment is born of a violation of the boundaries of the personality. When one of the halves begins to live the second. A person throws their own desires and thoughts into a distant corner and breathes beloved (s). We must never forget that there are two separate personalities in a relationship, and not two people who have merged into one.
  • Insecurity, both in terms of relationships and in relation to yourself. Uncertainty comes from low self-esteem and an inability to trust a person.
  • Too possessive behavior in the union of two equal people. Marriage or just sympathy - it doesn't matter. One person has no right to consider another as his property.

There are two different manifestations of a destructive feeling. The first is when a person experiences it, but controls and does not allow him to influence his thoughts and attitudes. And the second - where completely surrendered to the impulse practically ceases to be aware of the behavior. Such people are capable of causing a scandal due to the fact that the drivers of the minibus (or the pole) somehow looked at their other half wrong. To minimize the influence on their own thoughts, a jealous person should reconsider their behavior and its logic.

how to get rid of jealousy
how to get rid of jealousy

No detective games3

Feeling constant distrust, one of the couple begins to feel like Sherlock Holmes. Attempts are being made to track messages in instant messengers, a list of calls (the question "who called?" Starts to sound more and more often). The unhappy person begins to look for the smell of someone else's eau de toilette or hair on clothes, calls and does other "smart" things.

It is good if distrust is limited only to the above-mentioned spy games. But when bans on meeting friends begin, any communication with the opposite sex and other attempts to put on a leash is a direct finish line to the collapse of a relationship.

Subconsciously, it seems to the unfortunate detective that he, thus, is doing an extremely useful thing for both partners, all for the sake of a happy relationship. Or just wants to make sure that the other half is honest (which eventually turns into paranoia). But in fact, he personally, with his own hands, introduces into the union, that very distrust by his behavior.

Here you just need to sit down and calmly think about what this behavior gives. Not only does it not soothe the "detective", it also provokes him to a more thorough search for phantom evidence.

How to get rid of jealousy
How to get rid of jealousy

Fantasies & Comparisons4

If a guy has a stunning employee at work, this is a reason for his girlfriend to cast an envious glance at the beauty and bite her elbows while sitting at home in fits of jealousy (at least, this is what an unsure spouse will do). In fact, this is the fault of an excessively raging fantasy, which for especially impressionable ladies is able to draw even a non-existent bed scene with a betrayal of a loved one.

Another option is a faithful woman who was late from work. Not the most disagreeable pictures can come to a man's head, from someone else's apartment and a candlelit dinner, to a nightclub with a drunk girl and a crowd of suitors.

How to get rid of jealousy? Stop taking these "fresh ideas" of your brain seriously. Such wrapping simply deprives the thinker of the ability to adequately perceive the incoming data. To assess the situation soberly, you need to be able to think critically.

Surprising but true. Many people, after reading these examples, will just smile and think - well, how can you be such a fool that, with a simple delay, you can already draw treason in your head. But in practice, having fallen in love with your partner and breaking boundaries, they begin to seriously worry and become jealous.

A joke about a scandal from a woman for the fact that her man did not answer the phone for five whole seconds is actually not a joke at all, but only a slightly embellished truth.

about getting rid of jealousy
about getting rid of jealousy

Learn to delimit the psychological space5

When one of the couple gets too hung up on the affairs, thoughts and feelings of the other, he demonstrates a complete lack of his own interests and his own life. The problem will disappear by itself, if the addict (and in another way a person cannot be called without borders) has his own hobby, then he will understand that it is impossible to live as another person and his half is not obliged to devote all his attention to the union of two people.

The person must have a life outside of the relationship. Hobbies, meeting friends, communicating with relatives - whatever, but you can't just focus on love.

Youthful maximalism? 6

A very good therapy for excessive jealousy is to do the opposite. If a man saw his wife talking on the street with an unfamiliar peer, he has a desire to either come up and start pretending to be an alpha male, or wait for the end of the dialogue and make a scandal (the latter option is more preferred). If you act on the contrary and just come up to meet and get to know a person, in 9 cases out of 10 it will turn out that he is not a lover, but an ordinary work colleague who has a beloved wife and children.

how can you get rid of jealousy
how can you get rid of jealousy

In fact, this example carries a deeper meaning. People who were able to do something differently from their emotions, in practice, often began to laugh at their stupid assumptions. Everything turned out to be much easier than imagination draws.


But the best cure for negative feelings is mutual trust. Yes, in modern reality, many consider this thing to be something ephemeral and fabulous, but it is. Has your partner really thrown out something that gave rise to suspicion? More often the reason for this is the jealous's own fear and insecurity.

And most importantly, what prevents a person from approaching and asking directly about the things that bother him? People, and there more people in a relationship should not shy away from conversations. As statistics show, if treason happened, then less than half of the people will be able to lie beautifully. The partner will hear either the truth or an inept lie, easily recognizing which, he will still learn the truth.


get rid of jealousy
get rid of jealousy

The most correct decision would be to show trust in your soul mate. At the same time, skillfully hammering zealous thoughts into more enjoyable activities - music, reading, hobbies. And if you manage to awaken confidence in yourself as in the best partner, the destructive feeling will become much weaker. After all, irrational fear will disappear.

The most interesting thing is that while showing trust you cannot perceive a person as an extension of yourself. You can live with your loved one all your life without major quarrels and grievances, but you must always be ready for a possible separation.

Some psychologists advise a different approach. Prepare yourself not for a possible breakup, but for forgiveness in case of betrayal. If a person is ready to forgive in advance and live with a partner who has stumbled on, this will bring the much-desired calmness in the thoughts of the jealous person.

Regardless of the choice, the result will be one - moral readiness for any situation nullifies any experience. In practice, this is very difficult to achieve, you need to clearly distinguish between your personality and your spouse.

And the last thing, if a person is good in a relationship, he will not even think of treason, and accordingly there will be no reason for jealousy. Instead of inventing guesses and "clear logical chains", it will be better to be creative and come up with an original plan of entertainment for the coming weekend.

Popular by topic