How To Stop Nagging Your Husband? 6 Psychological Tips

Why is constant grunting so destructive for a relationship and how, instead of wanting to “nag,” make love bloom.

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1 These 6 tips will help you get rid of the "sawing" habit

"I think I asked you to take out the trash", "You said you would quit smoking!", "You should have bought the wrong kind of tomatoes."

Sounds familiar? Likely. Once, to make a couple of remarks that could be dispensed with, and now the list of nit-picking is as big as the number of those very wrongly bought tomatoes. Marcy Pregulman, Lead Marriage and Relationship Consultant, says: "This behavior is not only ineffective, it destroys love."

These 6 Tips to Get Rid of the Nagging Habit _6

You are wrong, you are angry

“Putting pressure on your partner is not wise. This is how you express your negative emotions,”says Robert Meyers, psychologist, addiction specialist and author of books on self-development.

While the anger can be justified and triggered by serious concern - perhaps your husband is not quitting smoking or your girlfriend has started drinking again - you should be aware that "sawing" does not work.

“People get upset when others do something negative for a long time, be it gambling or drugs. From the realization that they cannot stop it, they increase the flow of negative energy that they direct towards someone,”explains Myers. "In our research, we found that this is the exact opposite of what needs to be done."

Focus on the positive

What is the most effective technique for changing human behavior? Positive reinforcement, Meyers said. He is convinced that non-confrontational support is a powerful tool for change. Do you want to scold your partner for how late he came home? Do not do that. Better to call and talk to a friend. Later, when you are calm and your partner is more receptive to the conversation, tell him how much you miss those evenings when you had dinner together, laughing and talking. Emphasizing love over anger. So, you would rather melt his heart than provoke a hot-tempered character.

Scattered crumbs are not a metaphor for relationships

“Dear, please remove the crumbs from the table when you finish the sandwich” is a request. "Well, don't forget to remove the crumbs!" - and this is annoyance, because your request has not been fulfilled. But the person at whom the aggression is directed does not understand why the bread crumbs caused such an emotional outburst.

“If after a while the request is not heard, you ask yourself: why? Thoughts begin to arise that you are unloved, that your partner is lazy and unnecessary. And then it follows in: “I don’t trust you” or “you don’t respect what I say,” explains Marcy Pregulman.

According to Pregulman, there is no need to turn crumbs into a metaphor for relationships. It's not that your partner doesn't care about you; maybe he just doesn't care about these crumbs. But there is another side: your chosen one should also think about what you feel when your feelings are ignored. After all, it is not at all difficult to put yourself in the place of a loved one.

To the one who is being "nailed": just do it

Breaking news for those who find fault: the responsibility is divided into two. If you find it annoying that your partner keeps pointing out the scattered wet towels after your shower, here's a great solution: just put them away! And this is the opinion of the experts. “Just do it,” says Pregulman. "I mean, if it only takes a couple of minutes, what's the point of fighting and bringing disharmony to the house?"

To the one who "saws": release

Pregulman has the same practical advice for those who like to find fault. Instead of ranting and ruining each other's mood over wet towels, maybe just pick them up and continue your day?

Have some fun

If fights and nagging happen more often in your family than laughing and talking, then do something radical: have fun together. Forgetting wet towels, bread crumbs and hurt feelings - reunite with each other as two loving hearts, and not as roommates in the apartment. Your joint positive emotions, good memories connected with each other are your best investment in a joint future. It will surely bear fruit in the less joyful moments couples may experience.

“Building a bank of positive emotions is really important for a relationship,” says Pregulman. “We're making an analogy with a bank account, where if you have a lot of money, pulling out a dollar or two would be a negligible loss. But if your bank is empty, taking out every dollar will really be felt."