Table of contents:
- There is a problem, and it needs to be solved i
- The main signs of obsession with the former2
- Comparisons? It is hardly about love for you3
Imagine a real life scenario for a moment. You have been dating a new passion for a few weeks, and so far, everything is going more than well. It seems that here he is - a loved one; and, most likely, the relationship will develop in the same direction.
The content of the article
- 1 There is a problem, and it needs to be addressed
- 2 The main signs of obsession with the former
- 3 Comparisons? It's hardly about loving you
What's the catch? It turns out that the new lover mentions the name of the former too often. Or he constantly hangs out on social networks, following his love from the past. This is not pleasant for you; but at the same time, you do not know what to do with it.
It’s not very pleasant to live with someone who is still mentally stuck in the past connection! Today we'll talk about what is worth paying attention to in such situations, and what are the signs of psychological "sticking" to the former.
There is a problem, and it needs to be solved i
First of all, let's see if this aspect is really important? Actually, yes. Psychologist and sex therapist Irene Ferr told Elite Daily magazine that in fact, at such a moment, you should not close your eyes. “Does your partner constantly spend time thinking about how it would have turned out if he or she had stayed with an ex? Think, this is how his emotional energy is spent. And not at all in your favor."
Ferr also emphasizes the importance of emotional availability in relationships. “If you want to be involved in a love affair, the person must be available to you. In fact, this happens automatically: when a person is in love, he is ready to answer all our questions and dispel the other's fears. Conversely, if there are no feelings, the personality becomes isolated. There can be no talk of any openness, and such a connection can hardly be called healthy."
The main signs of obsession with the former2
So, if you spot one or more of the signs from the following list, it can be a wake-up call.
Depression, clinging to the past. The partner constantly demonstrates frustration, his mood can hardly be called joyful. Ferr explains: “A person who has not yet entered a new life psychologically continues to complain about his ex and his actions. His feelings are usually bitterness, resentment, anger or sadness. "
- He or she maintains a friendly relationship with yesterday's partner. Everyone, of course, has their own opinion about whether to be friends with an ex. However, according to Ferr, the tendency to maintain such a connection suggests that the hope of returning everything is still smoldering in the heart of a person.
- “Your man or your girlfriend can keep in touch with your ex through social networks, discuss various events with him. This person, one way or another, is present in your partner's life. And although the latter can prove by the sweat of his brow that there is nothing abnormal in this - alas, this is by no means the case. "
- This, of course, does not mean the impossibility of building a good relationship with such a person. We can maintain some kind of connection with the ex - especially if there are any material "clues" for this in the form of common property or work.
- However, it is worth paying attention to how emotional such communication is. If your partner's relationship with your ex seems too close to you - and especially when the breakup happened not too long ago - you should be on the lookout.
- He or she regularly visits the former's social media accounts. If you happen to see a girl or a guy leafing through a photo of a former partner on Instagram, don't think that this is just a harmless activity to kill boredom.
- So says Clarissa Silva, a psychologist specializing in cognitive-behavioral therapy. “This focus hinders the growth of your relationship. After all, a partner, flipping through the pages on the social network, thinks about another person, not about you,”she emphasizes.
- He or she is haunted by memories. Irene Ferr warns those who doubt the feelings of their newly baked lovers: “If the breakup happened not so long ago, your partner can now and then immerse himself in the memories of those pleasant moments that happened so recently.
- You can see how your beloved plunges into the past, hovers in the clouds. His gaze is missing. If you see that your partner is becoming more distant, you should ask yourself a question about the advisability of continuing such a relationship. "
- Regular accusations and complaints about the former in the conversation. This is the last - though no less important - thing worth mentioning. “The number one topic of conversation for such people is their exes,” explains Silva. “When someone tries to internally break a bond with an ex, but it is still strong enough, it invariably affects the topic of the conversation.
- There is a significant difference between the usual nostalgic memory and the incessant discussion of the past. "
Comparisons? It is hardly about love for you3
You should also pay attention to such a sign as the tendency to compare you to your ex. You should not be left indifferent by phrases such as "Oh, he also went to this college!", Or "She made soup according to a similar recipe." Psychologists are convinced that such remarks indicate the incompleteness of the love affair.
You don't have to break up with someone who is still emotionally attached to their ex. However, it is important to talk about this at least openly. “Remind your sweetheart or beloved that you shouldn't start a relationship with another person without ending a relationship with one person. After all, you deserve to have your partner do their bit in the relationship with you.”