Table of contents:
- What does it mean to "provide" i
- What Social Theory Says2
- And what the current practice shows3
- Where to find the middle ground? 4
- When everything is really bad5
Video: A Man Does Not Provide: Should He Do It At All?
Psychologists will unequivocally answer this question: should. This is the biological function of man as a species, entrusted to him by nature itself. And many religions give the man the leading role, and the woman - the function of his uncomplaining inspirer. But each statement and concept has its own nuances. And what a man does not provide is understood in its own way in different countries, among different nations and even in each specific family.
The content of the article
- 1 What does it mean to "provide"
- 2 What Social Theory Says
- 3 And what the current practice shows
- 4 Where to find the golden mean?
- 5 When things are really bad
What does it mean to "provide" i
First, let's figure out what exactly a man should (or shouldn't) provide.
If we are talking about relationships in a couple who do not live together, and do not have joint children and everyday life, then there is no question of any support. In this case, all gifts to the partner, trips, etc. are exclusively a manifestation of the man's goodwill. If he wants and can give joy to his girlfriend - good health, she will only be glad to receive material signs of attention. There is no opportunity or desire to buy her clothes, handbags, dinner, in the end, no one has the right to force a man to do this. And if a woman asks or even demands that all her whims be secured, then it is up to the man to "go out of his way" or find a less pampered girlfriend.
It is another matter if a man does not provide a more or less acceptable existence for the family he has created, in which, in addition to his wife, there are children. Nobody says that a woman after marriage should "sit on the neck" of a loving man and take for granted that he fully provides her, let alone demand it. Of course, during the period of caring for a newborn baby, a woman has nothing to count on, except for the earnings brought by her husband, since she is simply physically unable to go to work. At any other time, material support for the needs of children and the family as a whole can be carried out in any way that suits both spouses.
In addition, it is worth considering what needs are required from a man. Many women will be happy with their spouse, having the opportunity to go on vacation every year and buy a couple of new clothes when the season changes. Others are offended by the refusal to buy a tenth fur coat and hire a housekeeper.
Talking about what a man does not provide should be done only when he does not want and does not try to do so. And when it comes to normal, not overstated requirements.
What Social Theory Says2
Psychologists are unanimous in the opinion that all problems in family relationships arise from the departure of spouses from the roles that nature has determined for them due to gender. This happens if a woman is focused on a career, demonstrates domineering behavior, does not show proper affection and care. Or in the case when a man is infantile, does not want to be responsible, cannot, as they say, hammer in a nail. Then the balance in the relationship is disturbed, emotional burnout of both partners sets in, leading to the disintegration of the family. A woman who has complaints about her spouse becomes irritable, loses attractiveness, vitality and inner core. A man filled with reproaches from his wife can sink to alcoholism and (God forbid!) Problems with potency.
But even in this case it is impossible to interpret everything unambiguously and categorically.
And what the current practice shows3
In the modern world, the division of professions into purely male and purely female professions has completely disappeared. It was easy and understandable before: a strong and hardy man was engaged in hard physical labor, earning food for his family. Household maintenance was no less difficult task due to the lack of electricity and water supply, in which the woman no longer had the strength or time for any other employment. At that time, it became difficult for a family if a man did not provide the required level of income.
The technologies now available have greatly simplified household management. Bread is baked by a bread machine, food is prepared by a multicooker, coffee is made by a coffee machine, the apartment is cleaned by a vacuum cleaner, and the dishes are washed by a dishwasher. All these units have freed the hands and time of both women and men. A man uses this time to reach a new level in a computer game or watch another movie. And the woman, thanks to the free time, took up education and turned her eyes to business. In politics and business, there are many examples of successful female bosses who skillfully lead a male team.
Where to find the middle ground? 4
You can debate about theory, you can rely on examples from practice, but only the spouses themselves have the right to decide how the financial support of the family will be carried out. And they should take into account only the interests of both partners, and not the opinion of others.
If the circumstances are that the wife is the main breadwinner of the family, then there is nothing wrong with the husband taking over the housework and raising the children. The main thing is that this situation suits both spouses.
It also happens that a man is categorically against his wife working. If the spouse is satisfied with this, she does not want to realize herself in any profession, she likes to be a housewife, devote all her time to children and inspire her husband to exploits, then there should be no complaints that the man does not provide in this case.
If the partners spend the same amount of time at work, then the household duties, ideally, should be performed jointly.
When everything is really bad5
Quite often, a situation arises when a woman in a family takes on all the functions and responsibilities. She, like a draft horse, works several jobs to feed her family, and does all the household chores. And the man is in a creative search: they pay little here, the position is different there, there is an idea for his own business, but there is no start-up capital. In this case, it is safe to say that the man does not provide. At the same time, he not only does not ensure the financial well-being of the family, but also does not fulfill the functions of a protector, support, caring husband, responsible father assigned to him. He also ceases to be a man if all his activities do not extend beyond the sofa. It is difficult to understand in such a situation a woman who resignedly pulls the strap just for the sake of proudly declaring: "I am married."
The role of men in society has always been and remains approximately the same: ruler, warrior, protector, breadwinner. And the role of a woman, or rather her rights and the responsibilities and functions arising from them, are constantly changing. European women have so overdone in the struggle for their rights that normal relationships with men have become almost impossible. Instead of mom and dad, the children now have first and second parents. And it's not at all a fact that these parents are of different sex. And in eastern countries, even the fifth wife will be grateful to her husband simply for the fact that he took her as a wife, without leaving an old maid.
A man's responsibilities depend on many factors: religion, country of residence, traditions of his people, upbringing and economic situation. It is possible to argue that a man does not provide, only when it is the result of his infantilism, laziness and unwillingness to change the situation. If he tries, even if so far unsuccessfully, to achieve financial well-being, a wise woman will support him, guide him, provide him with self-confidence and will definitely wait for the best result for the family.
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