Table of contents:
- The reasons for unrequited love from the point of view of psychology i
- The memories of the very first love make themselves felt2
- The Hollywood Factor: Romance and Idealization3
- Low self-esteem, lack of self-esteem 4
- Fear of Commitment and Intimacy 5
- Beyond Unrequited Love 6
At some point in their lives, most people experience unrequited love - those strong feelings that, unfortunately, are not mutual. Whether it's a crush in high school, admiration for a colleague, or new feelings for a close friend. Unrequited love for a guy or a girl often dies, because most people understand that, most likely, they will not get the desired results, so they try to live and move on. Only sometimes not always and not everyone succeeds in doing this, or it is difficult for someone to continue living an ordinary life.
The content of the article
- 1 The reasons for unrequited love from the point of view of psychology
- 2 The memories of the very first love make themselves felt
- 3 "Hollywood factor": romance and idealization
- 4 Low self-esteem, lack of self-esteem
- 5 Fear of commitment and intimacy
- 6 Beyond unrequited love
It is believed that unrequited love is a universal language. Plunging into every culture across the planet, it plagues people with the inability to "get what they want" and "deserve." People romanticize unrequited love in books, films, and television as lonely but great.
But the truth is, unrequited love is not nearly romantic and shouldn't be elevated. It is pathetic, however, as is the very way of using it as a self-defense mechanism to romanticize rejection as some kind of painful event worthy of literary celebration.
There are times when unrequited love can really affect the human perception of the world and oneself and, therefore, self-esteem and all life experience. This feeling is so dangerous that it can swallow, harm, and, in fact, deprive you of the ability to live your own life. Understanding that feelings of love for a guy / girl are unrequited, cause a serious offense, cause disappointment, up to the strongest rage.
Undoubtedly, it is difficult, but a person is able to overcome the fact of rejection, recover from a situation with unrequited feelings, and the time will pass when he will look back with much greater understanding and revelation.
The reasons for unrequited love from the point of view of psychology i
As mentioned earlier, most people, both boys and girls, have experienced unrequited love to some degree. However, it is not uncommon for it to appear in life more than once, and not twice, which is very strange, and this fact indicates an existing problem. A person begins to ask himself, for example: - "Why am I always attracted to" inaccessible "people?" - "Why do I again and again become a" victim "of unrequited love for a boy / girl?" - "What prevents me from entering into a healthy, stable, mutual relationship?"
One-sided feelings can arise for a number of reasons. Of course, it is possible that someone simply does not share someone's feelings, and in fact there is no deeper reason or explanation for this situation. This happens very often. But if a person suddenly realizes that an obsession with someone has captured him to the point of dysfunction, or that unrequited love is a recurring event in his life, then it is already worth digging deeper and trying to figure it out.
The memories of the very first love make themselves felt2
Some experts argue that the very first love lays the foundation for future relationships. If this first love was a parent who was unable to satisfy the emotional and physical needs of his offspring, or was constantly absent and did not take part in his life and upbringing, then already in adulthood, the child will encounter people inaccessible to him. He may also begin to pursue the object of adoration.
There was an unmet or distorted need for love in life
Again, everything comes from childhood, from the parental home, where parents did not really indulge in love and affection, which every child needs, or did it conditionally on the basis of one or another behavior. As a result, a person, already being an adult, may unconsciously try to win this love, trying to find success in such “inaccessible” relationships.
The Hollywood Factor: Romance and Idealization3
Unrequited love is often called the "Hollywood factor" in the sense that a person creates the ideal of his dream and believes that he is able to retain all his love for this fantasy. However, since this “invented ideal entity” does not exist, a person projects this ideal onto the object of his affection and sees it as he would like to see it.
Low self-esteem, lack of self-esteem 4
Perhaps deep down, the person does not believe that he is worthy of love. It may be an attitude that was instilled in childhood, or the result of a previously destructive relationship. Due to low self-esteem, a person is often attracted to precisely those people from whom he will never wait for reciprocal feelings.
But because he believes he doesn't deserve their love, this is frustrating and discouraging, but not nearly surprising. The person feels trapped in a cycle of ongoing relationships that resemble unfulfilled relationships with their parents or other important people in their life.
Fear of Commitment and Intimacy 5
A person sometimes deliberately chooses an object of adoration for himself, knowingly knowing that there is no point in hoping for reciprocity. For what? Here, a fly in the ointment indicates a relationship in childhood, a strong attachment that could cause heart injury. The heart wants to continue to love at least someone, but the fear of commitment and intimacy does not allow creating a normal relationship. And one-sided love ensures that you don't have to face that fear. Unrequited feelings from afar is a great avoidance technique.
Beyond Unrequited Love 6
Unrequited love for a guy or a girl comes in varying degrees, from temporary infatuation to deep sensations, and all this is absorbed by the unbridled passion of love-me-or-I-die (obsession with love). Falling in love like this can make a person crazy.
Most rejected people think of possible painful experiences from the past as an integral part of their early life. They tend to look back on their experiences in a relatively positive way and even with fond memories, warmth, and some residual love.
However, some of them find it impossible to cope with the loneliness, grief, and devastation that are permanent components of unrequited love. Emotional pain is different from physical pain, tearing or rejection literally breaks the heart in such a way that a person feels it bursting in the chest, as if it is happening on a physical level.
On the other hand, the rejected lover is angry with himself for being in this stifling situation, and resorts to destructive means such as smoking, alcohol, and in extreme cases even tries to commit suicide. The tendency to feel and think that love, in its own way, is rooted in some rather basic things of human psychology, can affect not only emotions, thoughts, beliefs and actions, but also the whole life experience, and not in a good way.
Outcast people experience severe mood swings when one end of the pendulum is overwhelmed with feelings of pain and rejection. From unrequited love for a boyfriend / girlfriend, embarrassment and humiliation come out, because feelings were bared, became obvious, but they were not reciprocated. Or, it is possible that the person is relentlessly holding on to hope, as the heart tells him that his life will not be complete without a beloved / beloved.
Hence, periods of happiness or even euphoria are possible with any sign of reciprocity. Even neutral behavior, such as a simple smile or a casual greeting, will be cause for delight. Unfortunately, this can quickly go to the opposite extreme with any sign of lack of interest or rejection. The person immediately falls into despair, depression, or a physical illness.
The advice of others boils down to the fact that you should not love someone who does not reciprocate, and you need to move on. But the theory that "there is enough fish in the sea" is not convincing, because a person believes that he has already found his "soul mate" and is not interested in looking for other options. Yes, some people take longer to understand their true feelings.
And yes, the ability to stay afloat without getting love in return is sometimes a key factor that keeps a person going through tough times. But unrequited love for a boyfriend / girlfriend that is not mutual can be excruciatingly painful. Learning to deal with it is vital to both personal development and the ability to live life to the fullest.
Some rejected lovers see only one, tragically last, way to escape the ordeal - suicide, flowing out of depression. Depression is a mood disorder characterized by feelings of sadness and despair as a result of some kind of personal loss or tragedy. It can become an abnormal emotional state and lead to exaggerated feelings of sadness, disappointment and despair out of proportion to reality.
The psychology of suicide is becoming an integral part of the study of unrequited love, and the often obtained information about a person, combined with the content of any notes and historical evidence, gives researchers reason to believe that unrequited love could be an event that ultimately causes the loss of precious life.
At such times, a person must remember that he is the creator of his own experience - it depends on him whether he will allow unrequited love to “destroy” it, or decide to use the situation as an opportunity for growth and self-development.