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Absolutely all men, going out first on the path of hunting for young ladies, experience a wild fear, almost horror. This is normal and does not require any extra body movements. Another thing is that not everyone can overcome the fear of communicating with a girl. Let's figure out where this negative comes from, its symptoms and how to deal with this unpleasant emotion.
The content of the article
- 1 Types of fear and their symptoms
- 2 Why are you afraid and how to stop doing it
- 3 Draw conclusions
Types of fear and their symptomsi
All the fears that darken your life can be conditionally divided. Look, maybe he's the one who spoils your existence. You need to know the enemy by sight in order to effectively deal with him.
It appears very simple. You turn into an idol. The pulse is normal, the palms are dry, there is no feeling of thirst. But you can't lift a finger. Similar symptoms occur during an important exam, for example. And it seems like there is no feeling of panic, and not scary at all. But something is going wrong. You stand rooted to the spot, even if the girl herself approached you with an innocent question.
Your increased anxiety is to blame for everything. If you are hysterical in life, then even the smell of perfume can plunge you into a state of shock. You will be very lucky if you come across a girl who "enters the hut and slows down the horses." With such you definitely will not disappear, and you could make a wonderful couple. If you continue to shy away, then you risk remaining a strong and independent bachelor, surrounded by cats.
This fear breeds misogynists. First, they curl their lips contemptuously that all "women are fools", then they find an excuse that "women are mercantile bitches", then they claim to have children. In general, you understand. The prognosis for such poor fellows is the same: proud loneliness. But, I'll tell you a little secret, deep down they wildly want to have a soft, warm female body at their side. They want borscht and children. But their nature is nasty.
Running in a circle
You know, if you were once refused, this is not a reason to think that it will always be so. Think for yourself: for example, a lady is taxiing to you, from whom you are turned back and harassed. Will you refuse her or answer with favor? Most likely the first option. But this does not mean that you will give another girl a turn from the gate! So it is with you. Having received a refusal from this lady, you can easily start rolling up to another. The circle must be broken, not closed.
This is the home stretch. Congratulations, I got it. You must have an impressive tank fleet, right? And there is a cat and a dog? And mom goes with you to get new jeans … at this stage it is too late to change something, even a prostitute cannot save you, because the erectile function died due to fear.
Why are you afraid and how to stop doing it2
There are not so many reasons for this phobia as it seems. But it binds a person hand and foot, preventing him from living fully. The most unpleasant thing is that not only uncertainty develops later, but self-esteem also falls to critical indicators. As a result, everything goes downhill: social status and life in general. But what is the reason?
What if she refuses?
Agree that hearing "no" said in a dismissive tone is not pleasant enough. And you yourself probably felt this unpleasant lump in your throat when you were refused. And the more beautiful the character who attracted attention, the more confidence grows that such a beauty cannot be alone. In any case, there is either a husband or a boyfriend. And in general, "where am I in a row of pork snout …". Fearfully? I agree!
We will overcome this fear like this. Approach any girl, absolutely any, even if she is 18 or 40+ and ask anything: how to get there, the minibus number, what time it is. The main thing for you now is to start talking. You will see that the girls do not bite and respond willingly. Start with young girls and mature ladies, and as you get comfortable, move on to peers. Practice regularly because you need to develop the habit of approaching and starting a conversation. As soon as you stop shaking, try to get acquainted.
What will people say?
Have you noticed that most people depend on the opinions of others? Society constantly imposes a model of behavior on you. You grew up under constant pressure from your environment: parents, teachers, friends. And if at some point you found the strength in yourself to go against their attitudes, then not everyone can withstand the ridicule of friends, which can be to some extent cruel. In addition, friends through one talk about their "victories". Well, well done, some straight heartthrobs. You alone are a complete failure. So this is not true. Not a single friend confesses that he was "shaved off" on a boring evening. Nobody was holding a candle …
We get rid of this way: tell me, please, do you care about the opinion of others about your jacket? Not? Why then should you care about their opinion about your acquaintance? Believe me, those who are standing or walking next to you at this moment, absolutely do not care what you ask the girl there. It's even easier with friends: do it without them.
Who is there?
You know, if you easily communicate with all other people, except for young people, then everything is not so bad for you. There are real social phobes in the world. It's harder for them than for you at times. It’s not that they’re afraid to approach a girl, they’re afraid to buy bread.”Imagine now the scale of the panic they experience if they have to contact the girl. Your knees are trembling, but they can really faint. But this is already a clear pathology that specialists should deal with.
Solution: if you are a social phobia, then it is better to immediately contact psychologists. Otherwise, you will simply finish yourself off. If you don't have a light-headed state, then just stop suffering bullshit. Believe me, you're winding yourself up. Start your online communication. Just don't use template phrases, otherwise you will be sent or ignored again. The best way is with comments. With their help, you can get closer and go into private.
Sasha walked along the highway …
The diction problems that your mom likes so much can seriously undermine your confidence in you. And if lisp or burr can still be experienced and made really your own dignity, then with stuttering everything is much more complicated. Having a cute boyish face with long eyelashes doesn't help much. And so many people who have speech problems think so. It's simple, they are afraid of ridicule.
The best solution in this situation is classes with a speech therapist. Life hack: look for a young specialist, of course, a girl. Not only is she a teacher, which means you will have to shove your embarrassment to hell, there is still every chance to charm her with your grazing "r".
You know, your freckles or crooked teeth are nothing compared to some guys' real disabilities. Imagine what to them? And if in the first case you should just stop toil yourself with foolishness, then in the second case it can come to suicide. So you shouldn't be completely worried about your lop-earedness.
In this case, we do this. Freckles, secretly, are popular with all girls. But we deal with the rest with the help of a plastic surgeon. It's not as expensive as it might seem. And in secret, check prices in other regions. It may turn out that driving to another area is cheaper than in your hometown.
I agree that this is a serious stumbling block. You need money to get acquainted. And the sum is considerable. The acquaintance itself is worthless, and then? Where to get finances for leisure and treats? This question is always acute, especially if you are a student. Yes, of course, you can approach your classmates, they are at least a little bit familiar and often live on the "doshirak" themselves, but what if that beauty is much more attractive than the girls from the faculty? This understanding does not come immediately. You can be super macho as long as the girls don't see you as a potential family partner. But as soon as they start choosing their future spouse, things take a serious turn.
Know your cricket six. Naturally, you can't pull a super-girl. Don't try. Choose a girl from your circle or lower status. This can be easily identified by her appearance. And don't be alarmed if you have an iPhone in your hand. It may well turn out to be a "replica". And the iPhone in the hand of a young lady waiting for a minibus is not at all an indicator of her coolness.
Youth is a charming time. But how many guys did she ruin, arranging for them hacking in the form of boorish young ladies? You probably had something similar. Dig into your past. Perhaps you will remember that once upon a time you were specifically "prodinam", offended, humiliated. Or maybe you had a very painful breakup? These moments play a significant role in your further communication with the opposite sex.
Remember? Now remember how many times you fell off your bike while learning to keep your balance. And the skates? And the videos? I fell and got up and went on and fell again. As a result, I learned. It's the same with girls. Stop mumbling and whining. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Remember this. No matter how pretentious it sounds, but difficulties temper us. So, go ahead and with the song.
Subtle mental organization
Ordinary shyness can be called so beautifully. If you are not a tomboy, but a well-bred young man, then there is a high probability that it is difficult for you to communicate with girls for this reason. Don't worry, you are not alone. According to statistics compiled by the Department of Psychology at the University of Sheffield, 60% of guys experience problems with being too shy.
The solution is this: look for a theater studio or sign up for dancing. There you will have to overcome constraint constantly. As a result, you will cope with it and you will no longer suffer.
You can be an incredibly cute guy, but at the same time sit at home all the evenings, or you can be "quasimodo", but at the same time be known as a real "Casanova". What's the secret? In the ability to speak. And now what comes to the first place is what most people do not like. This is reading. If you don't read anything besides posts on social networks, then do not be surprised that public speaking has not reached you. Nobody is born fluff. They become like that. And girls really like guys who can speak coherently and competently.
The method of fighting is the same as with shyness. And add reading. Read everything, just not pocket reading, but normal works of worthy authors. Alternatively, try to start writing your thoughts down on paper. Retelling a movie or book is a good practice. If there is no one to listen to, talk to the recorder and listen. Was he interesting? Then you are on the right track. Develop your speech.
Remember, if you continue like this, no matter what kind of fear haunts you, you will end your life in splendid isolation with youthful acne. How many times have you fallen while learning to ride a bike? So it is here. Do not be afraid of girls, let them pinch in the corners and pee with boiling water when you appear.
Try, come, get acquainted, continue communication. Don't give up even after the tenth failure! And may you succeed!