Why Do Married Men Have Mistresses? Who Is To Blame: Husband, Wife Or Mistress?

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Why Do Married Men Have Mistresses? Who Is To Blame: Husband, Wife Or Mistress?
Why Do Married Men Have Mistresses? Who Is To Blame: Husband, Wife Or Mistress?

Video: Why Do Married Men Have Mistresses? Who Is To Blame: Husband, Wife Or Mistress?

Video: Why Do Married Men Have Mistresses? Who Is To Blame: Husband, Wife Or Mistress?
Video: Natalya Tolstaya - Mistresses and their drama 2023, March
Why does a man need a mistress
Why does a man need a mistress

The topic is burning.

The content of the article

  • 1 Tell me, Misha
  • 2 For sex and for wedding
  • 3 Why do men cheat?
  • 4 What about women and their lovers?
  • 5 Do women cheat?
  • 6 Why does a man need a mistress?
  • 7 Film example

A girl who has laid all herself on the altar of love is often perplexed: "What did he lack in me and with me?"

What women do men leave?

Are men really exclusively polygamous?

Why does a man need a mistress if everything seems to be going smoothly in a relationship with an "official" woman?

Tell me Mishai

Only the lazy - or rather, the lazy - did not repost Mikhail Labkovsky's quotes on his page on the social network.

True, not everyone learned to spell his surname correctly.

His videos are featured in your friend feed and recommendations. The renowned psychologist, with his characteristic light sarcasticity and calmness, reflects on the topic of inter-sex relations.

His lectures usually cause two opposite reactions - some praise the psychologist, while others spit and call him an impostor.

Today you will have the opportunity to choose which camp to join - on the agenda we have his article on a topic of interest to us.

For sex and for wedding2

Mikhail Labkovsky talked about what makes men separate their sex life from family life.

There is a type of men, says a psychologist, who is looking for sex on the side - and this is with a living wife.

about treason
about treason

Why does a man need a mistress if there is a legal spouse nearby?



Here we recall the works of the legendary Freud.

It turns out that in the period of growing up (both boys and girls), the following devilry happens: the romantic feeling of a teenager focuses on one person, but sexual attraction is addressed to another.

Mikhail gives the following example: a boy falls in love with his classmate, but he wants a young (or not so) teacher or even someone's mother.

In the boy's sexual fantasies, it is the adult erotic fury that appears in different poses, and not at all an object of love. The object of tender feelings is too pure and immaculate being, it is blasphemous to present him in compromising situations!

about mistresses
about mistresses

How does it happen that a man subsequently manages to both love and desire the same woman?

The boy grows up, grows up and his feelings - erotic and romantic merge together.

But not all men successfully go through this period of growing up:

  • If the parents hammered into the guy's head the idea that sex is dirty and unworthy, the young man might have harmful attitudes in his head about which girls are “good” and which are “bad”.
  • After such an unhealthy sex education, a man begins to classify women according to the following principle: a wife is a woman for the soul and at home, and the depraved sexy girls around are women for sex. As a result, sex with his wife becomes as “correct” and rare as possible, and the husband rushes to the side to satisfy his sexual hunger.
male infidelity
male infidelity

Psychological trauma is another common cause. They refused, betrayed, betrayed, deceived - the psychological development of the man begins to "sag" and we have what Mikhail calls "banal underdevelopment" - the man again begins to classify women, and in a completely stupid way. Some "women" exist solely for the satisfaction of lust, while others - for serious relationships. Such men are often unable to build a serious relationship that would last at least six months

The first symptom of "underdevelopment" in a man is the inability to love and desire the same woman. The second symptom is the persistent belief that sexual liberation and a healthy sexual appetite are the lot of lower women.

Labkovsky argues that a man who has found these symptoms in himself should ask himself a couple of questions. Firstly, why is he with such a prejudice towards girls who live in harmony with their sexuality? Secondly, why did he turn his woman into an angelic creature, with whom one cannot engage in such a dirty and shameful act as sex? And, finally, thirdly - why does a man equate sexual desire itself with something unworthy and wrong?

why is a man cheating
why is a man cheating

Mikhail also strongly recommends that you seek help from a specialist, since such a problem cannot be solved on your own - self-medication in the form of a bottle of strong alcohol will not help here.

The psychologist also draws attention to the fact that if a man likes to rush between his unloved mistresses and his beloved unwanted spouse, no one has the right to forbid him.

Why do men cheat? 3

So, why does a man need a mistress when he is married to his beloved woman, we more or less figured out.

Now we will look at the broader topic "Why do men cheat at all?"

Consider this issue again from the point of view of Michael.

mistress with a man
mistress with a man

For your convenience, we will present a half-hour record of the psychologist's consultations in a summary.

It all began with the fact that one man asked Labkovsky a question: "Is sex with another woman always cheating?"

The story is this: this man had a wife, from whom he left "to the left" to his mistress. Later, my wife fell ill with cancer. The man left his mistress, returned to his wife and even bought her a car. The caller (the consultation took place by phone) reflected on the fact that men are polygamous creatures. There is a woman with whom you are creating a family, and there is a "relationship, well, which is like … entertainment or something." The caller does not consider "just sex" - treason and is interested in the opinion of Labkovsky.

Mikhail asks a counter question: "So, are women polygamous?"


The subscriber briskly agrees with this statement and already wants to be carried away on a wave of reflections, as Labkovsky interrupts him. The man is a little lost and already agrees that women are also polygamous people.

The situation is heating up, and we have just started!

Labkovsky asks one more question: "What if you knew that a woman cheated on you?"

The man agrees that such a turn of events would cause certain feelings in him. In turn, he says that he returned to his wife because by taking her as a wife a certain time ago in the registry office, he took on certain obligations. Which he rushed to perform when his wife fell ill.

Without having time to properly reflect on this issue, Mikhail receives a new call. The voice on the other end of the line asks - what to do when the wife refuses intimacy?


Michael offers to say the following: "I have a sexual need, and I will satisfy it with you or with others."

But he immediately draws attention to the fact that in such a situation the parties can change places - a woman wants, but a man cannot.

Following the idea of gender equality, a woman can say the same - either go to the doctor and solve your problems, or I myself will take care of my sex life.

No new calls have been received yet, so Labkovsky proposes to consider these two issues together.

Is it possible to solve such a problem without extremes, that is, do without cheating?

why is the man a womanizer
why is the man a womanizer
  • First, get married for love. Otherwise, you will look for feelings on the side. Mikhail calls such alliances a “quick-action mine”.
  • If you are a sexually concerned person, chances are you have self-doubt and are asserting yourself through sex. Labkovsky cites as an example a joke of his famous colleague with a surname starting with the letter F: "If a man sleeps with a married woman, then he no longer has sex with her, but deals with her man." It's the same with women.

What about women and their lovers?

A new call comes in. A soft female voice describes the situation - there is a husband, he is a believer. He has two hundred and forty days of fasting a year. Sex, of course, is unacceptable these days. What to do? Is it possible to justify your desire to have sex on the side?

Labkovsky says that a confident person will directly tell his partner about his needs, and remorse and other excuses are "slave psychology."

how to prevent treason
how to prevent treason

He gives the following example - there was a twenty-year-old blonde with a third breast size, long legs and a lot of money in a bank account. She got married, and her husband suddenly fell into religion. Of the three hundred and sixty-five days and nights in the year, two hundred and forty must pass in cold, immaculate abstinence. And the fans of that blonde - darkness, darkness. And they all do not care about the church, and about abstinence. As soon as a blonde beckons anyone with a finger, he is ready to have it at least five times a day. Will this sex bomb hide and hide? Not. She will tell her husband: "Sorry, dear, but I have certain needs."

At the end of the conversation with this woman, the psychologist says: “People are confident in themselves, people with high self-esteem generally live differently. They directly say that: “I don't like having sex twice a year. The fact that you are a religious person, I respect, I respect your religious feelings. But now you have a choice - either we return to our secular life, or you take black monasticism, and I went to find a new husband for myself. " This is a normal conversation. And then what begins (Mikhail says, referring to the caller's revelations)? There are children, a sense of guilt … Well, this is an absolutely flawed, a bit slavish psychology, because we love so much that we are not caught in the ass. We will do everything so cleverly, so no one will undermine …”.

psychology of cheating
psychology of cheating

“People should still live - this is also correct from a religious point of view - people should live in love. And not through deception, patience or anything else …"

In other words, Mikhail advocates frank conversation and open expression of his sexual needs. The desire to have sex is absolutely healthy and natural. And both spouses should be satisfied with the quality of intimate life.

Women don't cheat? 5

Our article began with reflections on the fact that men have mistresses for themselves. And the psychological gatherings that we are considering began with statistical data on the fact that men cheat much more often than women.

Everyone agreed with this.

But as the studio received calls, the fact became clearer that (like a surprise!) Women are also prone to cheating and looking for good sex on the side.

psychology of male cheating
psychology of male cheating

The next caller told a story against which all previous revelations simply fade away. Our hero worked day and night and did not pay enough attention to his wife. And one day I caught her, as they say, hot. The wife invited him to settle scores and sleep with a friend. After what happened, they did not separate, but … the three of them began to live.

Impressive, right?

The story amused both Mikhail and his partner.

The next caller shared a more standard problem - his wife does not spoil him with sex. But he does not want to cheat on his wife.

Ekaterina (Mikhail's partner) suggested that the caller start paying more attention to the woman.

Mikhail also suggested that the caller engage in masturbation.

man with his mistress
man with his mistress

Here it is - the difference between male and female views on relationships!

Then Mikhail continues: “I still think that deception is neurotic behavior, like any manipulation. Yes, probably, people get some kind of high from treason. But they get a thrill from the fact that they were not found, not caught up, not exposed. Like they are so cunning, so smart and so on …."

"Is this an increase in self-esteem?" - asks Ekaterina.

“Yes, this is an increase in self-esteem, a little with a slavish bias. Because free people live in a different dimension altogether. They really want to live in marriage, in a relationship, with someone they love and - the most interesting! - with someone who also loves them."

He considers the spouses who decided to live together as the most lively and loving. What can not be said about deception and concealment of relationships.

about lovers
about lovers

Why does a man need a mistress? 6

  • A man has a number of psychological "corrals" because of which he cannot have sex with his wife. Well, he cannot imagine a situation in which his wife gives him a blowjob, and then kisses the children with the same lips. A wife is for the soul and home. A blow job is better done by a twenty-year-old blonde with a third size.
  • Self-doubt and complexes. It doesn't matter what the man's complexes are connected with - his earnings or his sexual skills. He tries to assert himself through sex on the side.
  • Lack of sex. A man is not satisfied with having sex with his wife - it is not enough, or it is too boring, etc. A wife (or a regular girlfriend) cannot give a man what he wants. And he gets it from others. We have already discussed the opinion of a professional psychologist above - speak frankly and discuss your desires and needs. "To save a marriage for the sake of children" is an excuse, often ridiculous. If the spouses do not love each other and show this in every possible way, the children will not be happy from the mere fact of having both parents.
about mistresses
about mistresses

Film example7

Match Point (2005)

The genre of the film is a dramatic thriller, so you can not count on a sweet ending. The situation is quite simple - there is a profitable permanent girlfriend, sex with whom does not inspire enthusiasm, and a sexy blonde, from one glance at whom the blood boils in your veins.

Spoiler alert: treason has occurred. And then one more time. And further.

This tape examines several important, one might say, philosophical topics. So try not only to admire Scarlett Johansson, but also follow the plot.

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