The Rules Of Living With An Ex-husband On The Same Living Space

There are a lot of reasons for living together in the same apartment, even for former spouses. Living with a former man is also an unwillingness to share an apartment and see children, other reasons. But how to build life correctly, and what consequences can result from unwillingness to leave.

The content of the article

• 1 How did it happen - we live together with a former man and why
• 2 Is this considered a problem
• 3 How can you build the right way of life
• 4 The rules of such a life together
• 5 And a few more basic tips
• 6 And the consequences of such a relationship
• 7 What if there is a child?

How did it happen - we live together with a former man and why

If we talk about the root causes of the fact that former spouses or a couple live together under one roof, there are several of them.

How did it happen: the ex-man and I live together? First of all, it is worth mentioning such vital square meters - if you lived together in a one-room apartment before the divorce and separation and there is no money to buy another, then there is simply nothing to talk about further. Everything hinges on sufficient funding for the housing issue

Also, the reason for this behavior may be the banal denial of everything that is happening, or rather not so - the very fact of divorce. Regardless of the reasons for the breakup, a man or a woman is so protected at the subconscious level. It's like an ostrich that sticks its head in the sand, and the body remains on the surface - the problem doesn't go anywhere

The illusion of existing relationships. And even if you have a joint home, children and you are selling to live under one roof - this is more a way to hide the lack of relationship. What is especially important for timid and insecure personalities - a person kind of freezes his story on some square meters

Dependent behavior. This is more often inherent in a woman who, after breaking off relations with a man, simply does not know what and how to continue to be. So she tries to hide her loneliness and unwillingness to be alone, even in the absence of a better option in the form of a young and promising gentleman. And children in this case can act as an additional deterrent

And in conclusion, it is worth pointing out another reason why the former or the former is such an instinct of territoriality. It is in the former house or apartment in which the husband and wife lived together that each of them is trying to assert their own right to the territory. As they say, the sense of ownership has leaped

Is this considered a problem2

Psychologists and psychoanalysts do not call this a problem in the psychological understanding of this term - it is rather a matter of a household or property plan. And quite often couples continue to live together, but do not spend the last pennies on renting an apartment. Why is this happening and is it worth seeing a problem in it - it is worth understanding what are the pros and cons of such, albeit somewhere, forced cohabitation.

With regard to the pros, they can be as follows:

• Everything and everyone remains in place - furniture and appliances, even such a familiar, but no longer beloved (or even beloved) partner.
• If a couple has a child, he continues to live in comfortable conditions for him.
• There is someone to intercept money or food before the paycheck. And if the ex is not a miser, he will also feed the child.
• And none of the new or old acquaintances, upon learning about the divorce, will attempt to visit you - they know that there is someone at home.

Although for the most part this is where most of the pluses end and solid minuses begin. Disadvantages for everyone are different, ranging from the inability to retire in a small room and to grandiose plans to start a new life with another partner. Living with an ex-man is a question worth working on, but it is not a pathology, as many believe.

How can you build the right way of life3

If by chance you have to share shelter with your former, try to make a joint, albeit forced life, as comfortable as possible. How?

1. First, remember the rule - the temporary should not grow into a permanent and therefore it is worth making every effort to resolve the housing issue.
2. Try to give yourself an honest answer - whether you want to keep the relationship or not. And in real life, there are many cases when, after divorcing, the former begin to meet again.
3. Always agree on everything, especially when it comes to certain everyday issues. Divide them in half, as before, set aside separate shelves in the kitchen, in general, discuss everything, because of which you may have questions and disputes.

But remember - never lose your self-esteem, and if the ex uses drugs or has to live in the same room, try to do everything to separate.

The Rules of Living Together 4

And even if the gap passed by the consent of both parties, the forced neighborhood on the same living space prevails over each former spouse or partner. For the most part, a woman and a former man who live together is quite difficult in terms of neighborhood. Psychologically, this is not easy, in order to somewhat simplify the situation, you can jointly draw up a set of rules.

By joint efforts, draw up a travel plan that is beneficial for each side and if, for example, a large apartment can be exchanged for two smaller areas, there is no need to doubt. Without understanding this postulate - to live peacefully until it seems possible.

Determine each for himself his own place in the house - each of those who have left should have his own personal space. And if there are several rooms in the house, then this simplifies the existence somewhat, but in any case you should not sleep in a water bed, even if there is only one bed in the house - there are folding beds and so on.

Keep all important documents in a safe place or in safe hands - passport, insurance and policies, documents for the apartment, if it was bought together. Many hope that the separation and separation will pass peacefully, but as legal practice shows, most of the former go on the warpath. And especially when it comes to the division of jointly acquired property, when the former loved ones cannot find a common language.

Optimally, according to the statement of many lawyers, it makes no sense to keep the originals at home in such a situation, it is better to give them to a person you trust or put them in a safe deposit box. And you must have at least photocopies of all documents of title.

Do not avoid your own home - this option most often applies to men. Often, a stressful situation from parting or the inner experience of a breakup has a detrimental effect on his psyche. Therefore, they avoid home - they spend the night with friends or the garage, go to their mistress. And this is one of the reasons why the ex doesn't make eye contact.

But when there are children, small children or teenagers in the family, this is a signal for them that dad avoids the family, does not want to communicate with him. Therefore, dad or mom should think - while the second half does not have its own territory where the child can come, it is not worth leaving. This traumatic effect on the baby and if he is impressionable enough - a disorder of the psyche and nervous system for the parents is guaranteed.

Avoid or minimize quarrels and scandals, as much as you like. Emotions and nerves during, as in the process of the entire divorce, are tense and stretched to the limit, and even a small spark (read - a word, look or gesture) can cause a real scandal. This is especially acutely tolerated when everyone knows the weaknesses and subtleties of the character (organization of subtle mental matter) of his partner, so to speak, knows what and how to hook.

You cannot be responsible for your partner, but you can control yourself in your words and actions. The main thing is not to enter into conflicts first. And about how to understand a former man in order to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts, read our article at the link.

And an equally important rule of peaceful and quiet living is not to succumb to any erotic, sexual temptations. Often, real situations may arise, so to speak, conducive to physical intimacy, and if one of the partners still loves, he will yield.

If you intend to leave, you should not succumb to such temptation and not cross the boundaries established for yourself. After all, you decided to leave and feelings should be put down - forced cohabitation should not become the basis for subsequent rapprochement and the beginning of a new round of relations. Although who knows, but this is so - a retreat.

And a few more basic tips5

Try not to remember pleasant or offensive moments in the presence of your partner - this will bind you and prevent you from moving on. Just stop looking at your ex or ex and move on, do not wait for a reaction to these actions - learn to become an independent and sufficient person, even though you continue to live under the same roof, on the same living space

Try to give yourself up to your friends, no matter how much you would like it - this will somewhat reduce the degree of stress and allow you to live the process of parting and moving without stressful situations. If you build communication correctly, you will keep your usual circle of friends and relatives will not have to accept one side or another of the opposing camp

• Strictly and clearly outline the line of your personal relationships - this will allow you to turn off the corresponding projection at the level of sexual instincts. What does it mean? You should not walk around the house in underwear, revealing outfits, or completely naked.
• And if earlier it was the norm for you or something commonplace, now you are in the wrong situation and position. The main thing in this point - do not allow ambiguous positions and situations in your joint, albeit forced living.

And finally, it is worth noting - if you are currently faced with a similar situation, never, under any circumstances, share your new novels with your ex. Spend all your dates outside of your home

And the consequences of such a relationship6

The consequences of such cohabitation in an apartment, under the same roof with an ex-spouse or partner can be very dire. According to psychologists, the optimal solution for the ex is to leave in the first year after the break.

The house and the usual problems will drag on for a longer period of time, but the decision to start living from scratch will never come, and if it does come to your smart head, then all this will not be realized. Why it doesn't work out - here pure psychology can already affect, for example, habit, addiction, or a banal desire to take revenge.

Plus, if the cohabitation has been delayed, you cannot bring a new gentleman or a partner to the house. The former may be familiar with such a situation, a kind of cohabitation, but an outsider cannot understand this on the fly, so to speak from the doorway. It is impossible to relax, communicate and finally have sex, giving yourself and your partner pleasure. And the understanding that at this moment someone is still in the house, even if (or read as - even more so) former.

Often in such a family there are children, small or adults, and similar parental relationships cannot but reflect on them. And in this case, he should feel that he is needed by both parents, dad and mom, and no one should betray anyone. In the future, this can cause a disorder of his psyche, especially if he is impressionable.

What if there is a child? 7

Consider the following rules to help avoid negative consequences:

1. First of all, follow the outwardly general rules of decency with your ex or ex. And this is important not only for the child, but also for your entire environment. Moderately friendly and restrained - the rules of decency have not been canceled and your divorce is not an excuse to cancel them.
2. Be prepared to be pestered and asked how you feel about each other. And, for example, you can answer the question - do you love him, how do you treat him now, answer very kindly that you treat him well, like a friend.

You should not force relatives who have taken your position and even more so the child to follow the ex, figuring out something. Such manipulations will only play against you if they open up. They will inflame the situation to a greater extent and negatively affect the psyche of children - the easier it is for you to get along with your ex before leaving, the better for you and your immediate environment

And do not lie to yourself and your environment that everything is fine with you - this will not solve the problem. The main thing is to talk frankly with the ex, without raising the tone and intensity of passions, and to resolve this issue - how to be and what to do next.