Table of contents:
- Sweet Burden of Love
- Creating a family union2
- A time of bitter disappointment3
- The stability of lasting love4
- The stage of absolute, all-consuming love5
- Why do people break up? TOP 9 reasons__9
Video: Stages Of Marital Relations. TOP 9 Reasons Why Couples Break Up
Some psychologists believe that love has five stages in its course: falling in love, pairing, disappointment, lasting love and, finally, love that changes the world. And in order to understand why people break up, you need to get acquainted in more detail with each of the five stages described above.
The content of the article
- 1 Sweet Burden of Love
- 2 Creation of a family union
- 3 A time of bitter disappointment
- 4 Stability of lasting love
- 5 The stage of absolute, all-consuming love
- 6 Why do people break up? TOP 9 reasons
Sweet Burden of Love
Falling in love is an ardent and passionate period of a newly emerging love. Scientists say this feeling is a purely physiological response of the body to dopamine saturation. Of equal importance are the sex hormones oxytocin, serotonin, testosterone and esterogen.
This condition is somewhat reminiscent of alcohol intoxication. The shortcomings of one partner are completely unnoticed by the other. The life period of love is about 2 years. But, in fact, each case is purely individual, as it is determined at the gene level and depends on the amount of hormones in the body. It is believed that falling in love is embedded in the consciousness of a person by mother nature herself for the banal continuation of the human race.
Creating a family union2
The creation of a pair occurs when the passion in love has already faded away and the partners, having got used to each other, decide that they are created for each other and agree to live together "until old age." At this moment, both partners are proud of each other and are selflessly preparing for the upcoming marriage. Some couples are already expecting a baby.
The partners are even more connected by common goals - buying a car, an apartment or a summer cottage. They are ready to proudly demonstrate their unity to the whole world. The "playing" hormones are replaced by a feeling of strong attachment. Quiet sex, however, brings a feeling of complete satisfaction.
Partners feel protected, their feelings are stable and, as they believe, can never fade away. But, as practice shows, both of them are seriously mistaken, since the most difficult period of disappointment awaits them ahead.
A time of bitter disappointment3
At the stage of disappointment, the partners suddenly develop irritable emotions towards each other. For no apparent reason, the couple has a physically tangible rejection and a feeling that mutual love never existed and was just a figment of their fantasy.
There is not a single couple that would be ready for such a turn of events. However, there are those who can handle the problem with dignity. Not all newlyweds immediately run away from each other at breakneck speed, some are trying to deal with themselves and stop the current difficult situation.
But, unfortunately, most couples still disagree at this stage. At first, they live with a feeling of dissatisfaction, try to stay at work as long as possible (in order to minimize communication with the soul mate waiting at home). Quarrels begin, and for no apparent reason. Scientific experiments have shown that even partners get sick during this period much more often. Additional negative components of quarrels are:
- Nervous breakdowns;
- Decreased immunity;
- Erection and libido problems.
Most people at this point make a decision to end the relationship and look for ways to retreat. They believe that the continuation is impossible and their attempt to start a family has failed completely. According to psychologists, former lovers are making a huge mistake here. When problems begin in a marriage, you don't need to run away from them at breakneck speed. On the contrary, the problems must be solved together, uniting.
Disorders are similar to a viral infection, if a couple still manages to overcome them together, she will develop strong immunity, which will subsequently help the couple live long and happy years. It is at this moment that the partners begin to perceive their "soul mate" without the influence of hormones and illusions in love; in front of them stands not an ideal life partner, but a very real ordinary representative of "homo sapiens".
If you overcome this period together, you can build true love and begin to fully perceive each other for who you really are.
The stability of lasting love4
The stage of lasting love begins after the storm has subsided. The couple finds all the reasons for their previous conflicts. Almost all of them come from childhood. It also turns out that one cannot be called guilty of quarrels, both spouses are always guilty. The selfishness of both fades into the background, and they begin to really support each other in everything. This strengthens the connection between them and fundamentally destroys any conflict that arises afterwards. The spouses begin to live on the same wavelength.
The stage of absolute, all-consuming love5
According to the world famous psychologist Dr. Diamond, the fifth stage can be safely called Absolute love. Very few married couples can survive it. This is due to the fact that most spouses remain until the end of their days at the stage of lasting love.
But, there is such a strong and all-consuming feeling that there is not enough room in the hearts of two lovers - it just strives to embrace the whole world. Such a calm wisdom of pure, time-tested love begins to realize itself first on its own children, then on other relatives and friends, then on all of humanity. Often, such married couples begin to take an active part in the activities of various charitable societies.
The behavior of the spouses is additionally explained by the fact that their mature love no longer needs nourishment, summing up all the years they lived together, poetic love begins to change the world. Sometimes such couples find themselves in creativity - they write books together or organize all kinds of social projects.
Summing up at this stage, we can safely say that the creation of strong and harmonious relationships is within the power of far from all married couples. Often, even the most ideal (as it seemed from the outside) couples are able to surprise others with their parting. Sometimes the reasons can be the most commonplace, sometimes spontaneous and unexpected, but the essence remains the same. So what are considered the most common reasons for divorce, why do people break up?
Why do people break up? TOP 9 reasons__9
Incompatibility of a couple in everyday life
This reason for divorce most often "decimates" young families, only united in an apparently eternal, marriage union. After the end of the euphoric period of falling in love, the couple begins to notice each other's flaws. These can be your spouse's dirty socks thrown carelessly near the couch, dirty dishes left by him on the kitchen table, or a trash can not taken out.
In the same way, the husband begins to notice the untidiness or carelessness of his wife's duties - unwashed dishes, hair left in the bathroom sink, dinner burnt out again. All this taken together is quite capable of destroying a marriage. Unfortunately, not all couples manage to change their habits in order to preserve love and marriage, and banal everyday problems become the main ones in why people break up.
Attempts to change your partner
Married adults, self-sufficient people, are already well-established personalities with their own character and their habits. Starting to live in marriage, not all spouses are aware of the fact that some of them will need to be sacrificed, and some will need to be changed.
For example, a spouse's habit of spending Saturday nights with friends drinking beer at a nearby sports bar can annoy the wife, leading to constant scandals, which at times can transform into incredible family disasters.
The husband may well be annoyed by the seemingly innocent at first glance habit of the wife in the evenings to fill the whole apartment with unpleasant miasma of nail polish remover and the nail coating itself. If the couple does not learn to yield to each other, the risk of divorce becomes very high.
Constant scenes of jealousy
Most often, representatives of the female half of humanity can "boast" of excessive jealousy. Although, not an exception, and men trying to be jealous of their spouse for the first pillar that comes across. Situations are not uncommon when the complex of jealousy covers both spouses at the same time. In this case, one and the couple is constantly jealous, and the second suffers constant and completely unjustified insults. The most unpleasant thing is that suspicion and total control can destroy even the most stable relationship at first glance.
The pain of adultery
Of course, not every married couple divorces after the revealed betrayal of one of the spouses. Some are experiencing this completely unpleasant event, but trust at the proper level will never be restored. A cheater, however, is constantly accompanied by conflicts with his own subconscious and remorse. In most cases, sooner or later, all this leads to the inevitable separation of the couple.
Seeming at first, amazing and enchanting sex ceases to satisfy both spouses, or one of them. We can talk about both the quality of sexual life and the number of intimate "meetings" of spouses.
The risk of separation due to sex is especially high for those couples whose relationship was originally built on an all-consuming passion. After some time, it becomes clear that sex is completely of the wrong quality, and apart from it, the spouses did not connect anything.
Absence of children
If the overwhelming majority of women, just getting married, begin to dream of little toddlers who, in their opinion, will revive a happy life, then not all husbands are already ready for this turn of events.
The reasons may be different - some males believe that first you need to get on your feet firmly, make a career (buy a car or a summer cottage), others simply do not want to share the attention of a wife with a third, even if it is his own child. This reason for divorce, oddly enough, is one of the most common.
The harmful effects of bad habits
It is in vain that lovers at the first stage of their relationship turn a blind eye to the presence of bad habits in their half. Moreover, this applies to both men and modern emancipated women, who sometimes raise their glasses and light another cigarette, no less often than their husbands.
Both alcoholic drinks and alcohol become the reasons why people separate. At the same time, the female half of society is ready to endure the shortcomings of a spouse much longer than the faithful who find themselves in their place. But, be that as it may, and whoever of the couple is not distinguished by addictions, in a very short time they can lead to the beginning of quarrels, assault and outbursts of completely motivated aggression.
In our difficult time of the crazy rhythm of life, the time that spouses devote to communication with each other is sorely lacking. If, at the same time, one of the spouses spends it on aimless pastime in social networks, online games or correspondence in chats.
Lack of finance
Often it is the insufficient level of earnings that becomes the reason for the separation of the spouses. This can be either an insufficient level of the husband's earnings, or, exceeding the established norms, the spouse's income.
Whatever it was, the question of why people break up remains a mystery. In some cases, even the most difficult aspects remain resolved, and the most innocent can leave bitter tears of disappointment behind them.
Be that as it may, in a relationship between two, the third does not belong and if an alliance with your soul mate is dear to you, try to be sure to sort out all the relations exclusively with each other, not allowing anyone outside. Only this will help to find the points of inconsistency and come to a mutual decision about how to keep the relationship and whether it is worth keeping it at all.