The Devil Is In The Details: What Will Hinder Friendship With Exes

Can you stay friends with your ex? This is one of the most frequent questions asked by sexologists. Of course, if after parting, one of the partners or both feel anger, rejection, despair and, in general, remorse for the "years spent aimlessly" - this is hardly real. However, if the breakup occurs in a calm atmosphere and without scandals, can the friendship be preserved? Or is it better to say goodbye forever?

The content of the article

• 1 Nostalgia
• 2 Jealousy of current partners (and your jealousy too)
• 3 The difference in motivation
• 4 Co-appearance in public
• 5 Lack of common interests

Let's take a look at the main points to consider before building a friendship with an “ex”.

Nostalgia i

The main obstacle is residual romantic feelings. Despite everything, the people who were once our partners still continue to evoke an emotional response in us in the future. And even if we are not talking about negative emotions, these experiences can be quite painful and even traumatic. When, after parting or divorce, bright feelings remain on an unconscious level, each time you meet, there will be nostalgia, sadness, a desire to bring everything back.

Jealousy of current partners (and your jealousy too) 2

Another point that sexologists and psychologists always mention is the potential feeling of jealousy from new partners. After parting, a person has every right to arrange his personal life in the way he likes. Continuing a friendship with him or her could potentially harm your ex's new relationship. It may turn out that his new passion will feel jealous already in the early stages of the relationship - which will cause suffering to both her and your former partner.

On the other hand, many people find it frustrating to see their exes with new lovers. It is difficult for a man to imagine his ex-spouse in the arms of another; a woman will not be pleased with a similar scene with her ex-husband. However, friendship presupposes chance encounters, accompanied by the contemplation of such scenes.

The difference in motivation3

Sometimes it also happens that one of the partners completely loses tender feelings for the other; while the second partner on an unconscious level still cherishes the hope of returning everything. In this case, friendship will be very convenient for the person who has fallen out of love: after all, he will always have a kind of "alternate airfield" at hand. Call him at any time of the day - and he will rush on his hind legs. The problem is that this partner will feel that there is still hope for the future; however, this is nothing more than sweet self-deception.

Co-Appearance in Public4

Another unpleasant consequence of friendship with an ex. You will certainly be seen together in public places. And it is quite possible that these could be those people with whom in the future it would be possible to build new relationships.

Lack of common interests5

No matter how much society condemns those people who build relationships based solely on sexual interest, many couples still continue to do so. In other words, their life together or communication is built mainly on physical intimacy. Psychologists believe that in this case, friendship with the ex will be undesirable. After all, there is very little chance that after the extinction of physical attraction, the relationship will move to a new level.

To be friends or not to be friends with the former, each person decides for himself. However, in this matter it is important to consider the aspects described; because sometimes the best thing you can do after a breakup is to start life from scratch.