What Is Unrequited Love? What To Do And How To Achieve Reciprocity

The phrase "unrequited love" contains a lot - there is a hope for mutual feeling, and a strong desire to be close to the object of your love, and suffering from a feeling that seems to have no hope for understanding. She cannot do without the willingness to wait for the attention of the object of her worship for an eternity, while not paying the slightest attention to other representatives (representatives) of the opposite sex.

The content of the article

• 1 Subconscious tendency to one-sided love
• 2 Possible benefits of unanswered love
• 3 What to do with unrequited love
• 4 Is mutual love real
• 5 How to prevent the emergence of unrequited feelings

As practice shows, in most cases, the first unrequited love comes in adolescence, and to be more precise, almost in childhood. At this time, her appearance is facilitated by self-doubt, and, nourished by the just emerging "adult" hormones, youthful maximalism. An increased (thanks to the same hormones) level of emotionality, a tendency to invent suffering out of the blue. All of these factors combine to create the ideal soil for the germination of an undivided lonely feeling.

With age, most people experience periods of "enlightenment". They are already becoming able to analyze their own feelings, emotions and draw up schemes of possible behavior, taking into account true desires and goals, and not the fruit of their own fantasy. Analyzing all emotions, adults find an opportunity to realize them, moreover, to realize them successfully for themselves. Teenage self-doubt and subconscious gravitation towards an unrequited feeling are replaced by courage and readiness for true love of an adult.

But, unfortunately, such metamorphoses do not happen to everyone. Some men and women, even as adults, remain trapped in unrequited love and are unable to get out of it on their own. And this is all, despite the fact that from all si they demonstrate to themselves and to those around them their sincere desire to break out of the resulting vicious circle under the name of unrequited love.

But, the main problem is that all this is sincere only in words. In fact, people are not doing anything to actually change the situation. As a result, they remain alone with their shackled shyness, unrequited love. What leads to such a destructive strategy of behavior for the personality, what exactly are the reasons that do not allow to escape from the hateful captivity and become really happy.

Subconscious tendency to one-sided lovei

In most cases, the inclination to an unrequited feeling is formed in people who are modest and unsure of their own abilities. These include primarily:

1. People who did not find the strength to survive past painful experiences and, thus, forever remained in an unstable adolescence. Failure to transition to a new stage in life leads to absorption into a whirlpool called "unrequited love."
2. People whose level of self-esteem is close to critical. As a rule, this is combined with an almost complete lack of self-esteem. Often, in early childhood, they felt useless and, accordingly, because of this, the foundations for self-esteem were not laid.

1. People afraid of reality. They see her as unpredictable and threatening. This is what pushes them to solve "virtual" love. Only the Internet in this case has nothing to do with it. They experience all the feelings and thoughts accompanying love exclusively in their own head. Unprepared for action in reality, they remain forever locked in their own subconscious.
2. People who grew up in incomplete or simply unhappy families. Not familiar with the principles of modeling a happy family and not observing the tender and trusting relationships between parents accompanying love in childhood, they, having matured, simply cannot imagine what a mutual feeling is. Moreover, they simply do not believe in its existence. Therefore, unrequited love is the only feeling they are capable of.

Separately, it is worth dwelling on those of our fellow citizens who are simply not ready to make drastic changes in their personal lives. Conservatism leads to the emergence of a persistent unwillingness to fall under the “wind of change”. The fact that they, quite consciously, do not want to change anything in their usual way of life and leads to the consolidation of the existing unrequited, but such feeling that has already become familiar and familiar.

And, the last category of people for whom unrequited love is the only possible manifestation of feelings are those who, for one reason or another, do not want to understand their own feelings and understand them. Even if they are trying to get to know a new person and establish a relationship, then deliberately, on a subconscious level, they choose such people from whom, due to certain circumstances, they are simply not able to reciprocate.

Summing up the above, we can definitely say for sure that the tendency to unrequited love is by no means innate. It is a direct consequence of social and kinship education. These conclusions in themselves already provide confidence that with the help of purposeful psychological self-improvement it is possible to change the prevailing circumstances and forever forget about what unrequited love is.

Changes in your own psyche will lead to a significant increase in the chances of finding true, mutual love for yourself, that is, building relationships with people who are ready for reciprocity.

Possible benefits of unanswered love2

It turns out that in addition to all the negative moments that unrequited love brings, it is able to bring positive, beneficial moments for a person into life. Negatively perceiving everything that happens, people are simply not inclined either to notice them, or to evaluate the received positive according to their merits. Many will not understand what it is about. So, the whole point is that:

• A one-sided feeling eliminates the need to live in the same apartment with a real partner. That is, it eliminates the need to put up with someone's desires and habits. A virtual partner is ideal, as it is devoid of any flaws and it is a pleasure to love him.
• Love "in one direction" allows you to hide not only from your partner, but also from yourself. The absence of doubts, complexes and fears is ensured by loneliness. Nobody pours salt on the wound and imposes their own models of behavior.

In some cases, it also happens that a person simply does not feel an inner desire for real mutual love. The reasons for this may be:

• Fear of relationships;
• Unwillingness to share your comfort zone with a real partner;
• Misunderstanding of what is happening.

In such cases, it is unrequited love that is the only possible form of relationship. Thus, an undivided feeling becomes a protection, a kind of screen from reality and relationships in it.

Also, unanswered feelings are, to some extent, the optimal way to draw attention to your own person. There is always a person who is ready to listen to the unfortunate lover, sympathize with him and support him. It is worth noting that some people have such an attitude towards themselves very much even on their own.

But, in fact, such empathy and participation does not lead to any real changes in the current situation. Remaining closed in the space of his unhappy love, a person simply does not revise the current situation and, accordingly, does not change it. In return, he receives only an illusory replacement for real life with its emotional fullness, colorful emotions, real feelings.

By and large, everything is explained by the fact that illusory feelings become so colorful and, as it seems, real, that they completely discourage the desire to "move" to a boring reality filled with fears and completely devoid of joyful hopes.

It turns out that all the imaginary benefits that unrequited love can give are only in an ever greater distance from real living relationships. It seems to a person that love should come to him in some incredible magical way. But, unfortunately, this does not happen in life.

What to do with unrequited love3

It is in vain that many people think that an unrequited feeling is the limit of everything that can be achieved in life. On the contrary, in an unrequited feeling one can see the possibility of realizing the inner resources of the subconscious and, accordingly, the chances for positive changes in life, all that unrequited love is unable to give.

The value of the resource is that unanswered love teaches not to demand reciprocal feelings towards oneself - compassion, pity, universal justice. This leads to the emergence of a stable habit of living independently and not allowing the slightest thought of mutual feelings.

But, if you nevertheless consider the lesson given by life, then you can learn from his invaluable experience, learn to love, even if at the moment and unrequited. Such love, which does not expect anything from a partner, teaches us to be undemanding and not to doubt the reality and correctness of what is happening. This ultimately leads to the fact that a person learns to wish for happiness even to someone who is not ready to be with him.

Thus, people learn a full-fledged and fulfilling lifestyle, openness in relations with a new potential partner, strategies for building new relationships. Gradually filling his life, a person makes his life more colorful and interesting. All this can greatly increase the likelihood of meeting with the same, beloved and only one, to gain the possibility of an all-consuming and mutual feeling.

Is mutual love real4

Many people wonder if there is mutual love at all and whether it is realistic to find the strength to confess your feelings to a loved one. Sometimes, instead of spending days, weeks, months, or even years in doubt, all you need to do is take courage and confess your love.

During a frank conversation, you can get answers to many questions of interest in the first place:

• Is reciprocity possible in your relationship;
• How interesting are you to a potential partner as a person.

That is, an open "sincere" confession can lead out of the vicious circle of unrequited love.

How to prevent the emergence of unrequited feelings5

Psychologists unanimously argue that, wanting reciprocity from a loved one, first of all, you need to love yourself. You cannot consider yourself devoid of attractiveness, stupid or devoid of charisma. All this is completely natural, how can a completely outsider fall in love with someone who does not love himself?

In order to make sure that the above is correct, it is enough to just look around at everything, to pay attention to how many completely ugly outwardly people are happy with their soul mates. A completely logical question arises - why is this happening? The answer to it is impossibly simple - perceiving themselves as they really are, these people are filled with self-confidence and, accordingly, instill this confidence in others.

It is worth learning to pamper yourself with a loved one, take care of your body, revise your wardrobe, find your favorite pastime in life. By and large, to do everything in order to realize and love your inner world. Stop thinking that everything in the world is better than you, believe in yourself. It is worth finally ceasing to be comforted by your worthless existence and blaming all the events that are taking place at the will of evil fate.

Constant tears shedding over the fate of oneself, of a loved one will only cause that everyone around will begin to perceive the sufferer as an irreplaceable victim of circumstances and in no way as a full-fledged person who deserves love and reciprocity.