Table of contents:
- Love feelings and relationships: slightly different things i
- Partnership or parent-child relationship? 2
- Important Differences between Mature and Child-Parent Relationships 3
- Unconditional love and personality boundary violations4
Unconditional love is the ideal of modern relationships; it presupposes the complete acceptance of a person as he is. A mistaken idea that this type of love implies permissiveness is firmly rooted in our minds. And people wonder how you can believe in unconditional feelings, but at the same time it is pragmatic to discuss very “conditional” issues. Such as the mutual giving of gifts, rewarding for the sake of "training" a partner, as well as a delay in time for forgiveness for wrongdoing. In the end, naive ladies and gentlemen assume, if a person loves someone unconditionally, then he will never try to manipulate him.
The content of the article
- 1 Love feelings and relationships: slightly different things
- 2 Partnership or parent-child relationship?
- 3 Important differences between mature relationships and parent-child relationships
- 4 Unconditional love and personality boundary violations
Psychologist and sexologist Jeremy Nicholson from the United States tried to clarify these beliefs. “I always convey to these clients that they are missing an important distinction. And it is this that allows you to enjoy unconditional love and at the same time build healthy relationships,”he says in his interview.
Love feelings and relationships: slightly different things i
“Love is, of course, very important. When we finally find someone who loves us just like that, it's always an amazing experience. Likewise, we can love another person simply for who he is."
“Relationships, however, are another matter entirely. They are a working partnership. Relationships include certain obligations, causation, decision making. All this requires high-quality communication and joint exchange of benefits from the couple."
Jeremy goes on to explain that love as a feeling and a relationship as a set of decisions have separate rules. “Sometimes, no matter how a partner does, feelings for him do not change. But relationships always require us to be able to delineate personal boundaries of what is permissible and set the right direction. If people in their relationships with the opposite sex relied only on unconditional love, then they would constantly wipe their feet about them. Unfortunately, this is what happens to some. As a rule, they become my clients."
Partnership or parent-child relationship? 2
Unconditional love is, of course, good; however, the problem is that this type of love is most characteristic of the relationship between mother and child. From a psychological point of view, the mother's unconditional love for her child is the key to his successful development. The child does not need to adjust himself to the requirements of the parents; they, in turn, enjoy the joy of giving love to their child.
Important Differences between Mature and Child-Parent Relationships 3
Nicholson explains: “When we are dealing with a grown man or woman, this relationship has nothing to do with a child-parent relationship. And there are several important points here. " Further, the sexologist lists these aspects:
Our partner is an adult that must take care of itself and its development on its own.
We have every right to expect him to fulfill those promises that were made at the beginning of the relationship. It is not for nothing that even at the altar, the newlyweds promise each other "to be together in sorrow and in joy." These kinds of promises contain a guarantee of emotional security.
And finally, the main point: if the relationship does not suit us, we have every right to get out of it.
Unconditional love and personality boundary violations4
“As a rule, unconditional love is of paramount and undeniable importance for those people who do not know how to properly defend their personal boundaries,” explains Nicholson. "And it is precisely such people who have doubts about themselves and about whether it is possible to combine a pragmatic approach in a relationship with unconditional love."
“In my practice, these clients are often faced with what is called a violation of personal boundaries. The second partner, perhaps, does not betray them; however, there is darkness in other ways to violate the boundaries of another. He or she may, for example, disappear from home for several days. Or to limit the partner's ability to communicate with friends and relatives."
“Such people should definitely learn to understand their own needs. Often in childhood, they suffered from psychological trauma, lack of attention from their parents. Rebuilding your psyche is not an easy process, but if you wish, it is quite real. And if this succeeds, then there will be no questions about how to combine unconditional love and the requirement of respect for oneself,”Jeremy concludes his interview.