Is The Sofa Equal To The Bed, Or Is It Worth Accepting "expensive" Gifts?

Recently on the Internet I stumbled upon an entertaining article. The mother of one young lady simply urged her daughter to come to her senses and stop accepting expensive gifts from her obsessive admirer. She advised that her daughter was openly ungrateful and demonstratively negative towards him, while, without a twinge of conscience, accepts expensive gifts.

The content of the article

• 1 The average cost of living is therefore average because there is practically no
• 2 Not a price, but a message
• 3 Without solving personal internal contradictions and problems, nothing is done in this world

The article presented completely different points of view. Moreover, the psychologist even cited the decisions of some clever people, telling by what formula it is possible to calculate the "high cost of a sign of attention" and how many percent of the living wage it should be. One of the gifts to be parsed was a sofa … It was after such an example that such thoughts somehow involuntarily ripened in my head.

The average cost of living is because it is average because there is practically no one

With the notorious "average" it is always like that. After all, what a sin to hide, someone gets much less than this amount per month, while someone can afford to spend it in one trip to a restaurant, and without hesitation. Let's imagine that just such a person drew attention to you. He does not use public transport (if he lives in a metropolis) and does not go to work in the field on a motorcycle inherited from his grandfather (with all due respect to rural workers).

There is a collection of cars in his garage, on it - expensive branded clothes and jewelry. He is used to the fact that time is money. Therefore, he wants to give you a gift for the time spent on it: a trip to a restaurant or a nice conversation. He goes to the store and buys, for example, a piece of jewelry according to the level of his real average monthly spending, and not the amount that someone in the government counted. So what? The girl should say: "I won't take it, is it too expensive?" What conclusion should arise in his head?

Just don't say that "what a sweet and modest young lady." Not! He will be visited by the most unnecessary thought for a girl: “Aha, then this girl is worth less! So she is not cheap from my circle. This means she will feel awkward when dealing with my friends. So no one has spent on it before. " Remembering the notorious sofa, it turns out that this piece of furniture is more expensive than her attention?

And now let's imagine that in the place of this very girl there is the daughter of a millionaire, who herself can buy herself not just this gift, but, possibly, the gentleman himself. Is she going to value the gift. No, for her this is a trifle, like a little chocolate for us. Rather, she will evaluate the gift itself: how much it suits her, how much the person paid attention to her taste and preferences. She will not think about accepting the gift or not, depending on its price. But, he will evaluate the message with which this present was presented.

Not a price, but a message 2

And now we come to the main point - not the price, but the message is important and deserves the main consideration. Some men believe that a bottle of cheap beer already obliges you to continue the evening alone. But, there are representatives of the stronger sex, which does not even think of anything like that. They are able to donate a massage chair to a concierge who complained of back pain.

And they expect in return, first of all, general admiration for his insight and ability to "get to the point" of the needs and aspirations of another person. He gives a gift, rather, for himself: to be glad that he has reached a level where he can afford to do it. If there is a desire, he will buy any girl without wasting time on gifts, but simply by negotiating the amount. And if you refuse, he will not perceive it as flirtation.

But, he can perceive the refusal as a challenge or rivalry: they say, I am so independent that I myself am able to support myself. I am such a person, not a woman. And such men, oh, how hard they are. They are already at work in constant stress. Does he need a rival at home too? And you won't know how to extinguish the fire in his sparkling eyes and with a pain in your heart, look away from the trip to Paris that you have always dreamed of floating out from under your nose. What for?

No one can tell you to accept or not to accept a gift better than the setting and your own instinct. If something is embarrassing, just ask directly - will you owe something for such a sign of attention. Keep track of the hints and phrases with which the gift is offered. If you understand that a person is clearly and without hesitation asking for a cup of coffee after midnight, and you are not ready for this, do not take anything from him.

But, there are gifts that are offered with completely different thoughts. I can imagine how now several million young men smiled indulgently, they say, subconsciously there will always be a desire to "hint", just some representatives of the stronger sex are so smart that they do not flaunt it: they say, I am not interested.

And this is a kind of game that works in relations with women much more efficiently, like, no one solicits her, sees only a person. And she herself triggers the desire to move to another level of communication, so that she is seen as a woman. This happens, of course! And there can be no objections to this, if you pay attention to the fact that this is the opinion of young men. What I mean?

Without solving personal internal contradictions and problems, nothing is done in this world3

Yes, I mean that sexual capabilities and needs with age also fade somewhat. And many men are, as they say, annoying. They begin to look for something that may still be of interest to young people: intelligence, experience … And also - high social status, connections and the ability to solve any problem. When they give expensive gifts, imagine, first of all, they prove to themselves some things.

I remember one conversation that angered me in my youth. The man who seemed to me then quite old complained that all young ladies, except for sex, were not interested in anything! And this he expressed to me, at a time when I was generally a virgin. What am I mean? For many strong personalities, a little older gifts to a young lady, as an opportunity to once again plunge into the atmosphere of love and romance, but without that familiar state, when, it seems, you want to talk to this clever beauty, but "something below the belt" is already insistently demanding change the plan of action.

So, a person who has achieved a certain status with his work and mind should give the girl he likes a rose from the sale of wilted flowers? Somehow it smacks of greed, and, above all, the man himself will cause internal discomfort. Therefore, of course, the gift will have a worthy monetary value. Without this it cannot be!

Otherwise, this will humiliate the donor himself. And what happens if there is a refusal to accept the gift? Such a man will never return a thing back to the store. He will either leave it to the girl with the words “it was meant for you, you don’t like it - give it to anyone you want” or he will send her to the nearest trash heap. Only his soul will be very bad. But all that he wanted at this time was the sparkle of his eyes and childish delight on your part.

Where am I leading all this thinking? Look not at the price of the gift, but at the personality of the giver. If he is one of those people who always pursue their interest and will consider you to be indebted to him for what they are not ready for - return any gift, even a bottle of simple perfume or a kilogram of apples.

If you understand that the gift is important for the giver himself - take it, do not hesitate. Gratitude can be very different. Who knows what will happen tomorrow? Perhaps this very person who is so generous to you will do something tomorrow that will take him out of the friend zone to a completely different level.