How To Get Out Of An Abusive Relationship? Real Story

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How To Get Out Of An Abusive Relationship? Real Story
How To Get Out Of An Abusive Relationship? Real Story

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Video: Today’s Takeaway: How To Leave An Abusive Relationship Safely 2023, January
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girl crying
girl crying

This article was written from the perspective of a young woman who told us how she got out of an abusive relationship. We hope it will help you and your loved ones.

The content of the article

  • 1 Getting to know and starting a relationship
  • 2 First bells
  • 3 Marriage proposal
  • 4 How a fairy tale began to turn into a nightmare
  • 5 Not a wedding
  • 6 The decision was not easy

My experience of abusive relationships lasted 10 months, and if it were not for a lucky coincidence, I would hardly have been able to end them.

Meeting and starting a relationship

I was 19 years old when we met, and I had a little experience in relationships, and he was 25. We met on the Internet, and out of boredom, I agreed to a meeting, and then to another one. We talked in an interesting way, I learned that he was a military man and was in my city under a one and a half year contract.

Our acquaintance took place in a difficult period for me, I was looking for a job, I had financial problems. Suspecting this, the guy began to try to help in every possible way, but I refused. Once I said that soon I had to pay the rent and I would have to borrow money. He took my hand and dragged me to the ATM, took the money and gave it to me, saying that he would be offended if I didn’t take it. I took it, promising to give it back.

After 3 weeks, he kissed me sharply, and the earth literally disappeared from under my feet, I fell in love in an instant. From that day on, we began a relationship that I did not plan at all, and did not even think about.

First calls2

At first glance, he seemed like the perfect man, and I fell in love every day more and more. I liked his views on life, his attitude towards me. He gave me flowers and gifts, constantly complimented me, cooked for me, and cared for me in every possible way. But when the conversation turned to his ex-girlfriends, he did not say anything good about one. Everyone was bad for him, everyone treated him horribly, and he insulted them with his last words. Once I told him that someday he would also talk about me, to which he replied that I was not, that I was the best girl in the world. He spoke badly about everyone, but he told me that I was special.

After just a week, he began to talk about living together. After another couple of weeks, he insisted on living together and moved in with me. The life together started perfectly, he helped me around the house, provided and took care of me. During this period, his vacation began, we went to his hometown. He met me with my mother and other relatives.

I found a job, and at that time he did more housework than me. I came home, and there was order and a delicious dinner. I thought I got the best man in the world.

abusive relationship
abusive relationship

Soon I quit my job and decided to look for a new job, but the guy started to discourage me. He invited me to rest, sit at home, and I agreed. As a result, I stayed at home, constantly tidying up and cooking daily. He was pleased, and constantly said that I didn't need to look for a job. I did not even notice how I ended up completely on his support.

From the first months of the relationship, he started talking about children, and I thought it was cute. But after 3 months, he began to seriously talk about the fact that we should have a baby faster. I loved him so much that I wanted a child from him, but I realized that it was too early.

Marriage proposal3

A week before New Years, we went shopping. And on that day I noticed that he does everything in his own way. It showed in the little things, but he never asked my opinion. When we got home, he went out to take out the trash, and I thought that I should say that I am not satisfied, that he does not listen to my opinion. I noticed this before, but I thought that he was just used to solving everything himself.

the girl's hands are tied
the girl's hands are tied

And so he comes back, I meet him at the door, I want to start a conversation, and he starts telling me declarations of love. I don't understand anything, but at one point he pulls out a box with a gold ring and kneels. At that moment, my heart jumped out of my chest, and my knees trembled. He uttered the very phrase "Will you marry me?" I could not believe what was happening, because I did not expect this, we met for only 4 months. I said, "Yes," and tears of joy flowed from my eyes. I was literally shaking with shock and joy. When we moved away from emotions a little, he asked when we were going to play the wedding. And then I thought that there was no need to rush into such a decision. I set the condition that the wedding would take place in a year so that we could get to know each other better, he was upset, but agreed.

How a fairy tale began to turn into a nightmare4

After the proposal, his attitude towards me gradually began to deteriorate. During quarrels, he began to raise his voice at me, then scream obscenities. But I always found excuses for him. He began to constantly reproach me with money, and demand an ideal order and fresh dishes every day. He once said that I had to get up at 5 in the morning every morning and make him coffee, as a result, we had a big fight and he was outraged that I did not agree to this. And I, madly in love, closed my eyes to everything.

girl on a chain
girl on a chain

One evening he drank heavily, and I tried to stop him, because he was very drunk. It made him very angry, and he said he would hit me. At that moment, my world collapsed. The man whom I loved more than life and who seemed to me the most beautiful in the world, at one point turned into a monster. After this phrase, tears gushed from my eyes, and I started to put on my shoes to leave, he tried to stop me, but I still tried to leave, and in an instant he swung at me, pushed me out of the apartment himself and closed the door.

I wandered the streets at night, cried, and did not know what to do next. I understood that it was worth leaving him, that sooner or later he would take action, but I could not imagine my life without him. I returned home at night when he was asleep, and in the morning he went to work. I started looking for another apartment and money, because I didn't have mine. He called me all day and I eventually answered. He began to beg for forgiveness and repeat that he loves me more than life and that this will never happen again. He promised to be coded when I said I was leaving. He begged to wait for him from work so that we could talk. I waited, he came with flowers and began to beg for forgiveness, repeating how much he loves me.

As a result, I forgave, but on the condition that he no longer drinks. He lasted 2 weeks, and began to drink again, but could not leave him, because he constantly repeated how he loved me, and it seemed to me that everything would change, because at the beginning everything was perfect. And indeed, his harshness and coldness gave way to periods of mad love, when he did everything possible for me. These sweet periods gave me hope that everything would work out.

abusive relationship 2
abusive relationship 2

Not a wedding5

One day in February, he called me from work and stunned me with the phrase "We have a wedding in April." He just decided to present me with a fact. I reminded that the wedding will not take place earlier than in a year. As a result, we quarreled, he began to say that it means I do not love him, and I began to feel guilty. He decided that the wedding should be in April and nothing else.

After his grievances, I agreed, called my relatives, and had to go to choose a wedding dress. But, I began to understand that I am afraid, terribly afraid. All these days I cried for no reason, but I could not admit to myself that I am afraid to associate life with this person, although I love him more than life. At that time, I registered to take exams, because I was going to enter the university. The decisive moment was his phrase "You should think about the wedding and about me, and not about your studies." As a result, with tears in my eyes, I told him that I was not ready and offered to postpone the wedding. He was furious, we fought for a long time, he accused me of everything, but he resigned himself.

Our relationship deteriorated every day, I began to notice that he constantly criticizes me, and demands that I listen to him in everything. He never learned to take my opinion into account, he just presented me with a fact when he decided something. The conversations about children also continued, but I also said that it was too early and I was not ready. One day he got tired of waiting for my readiness, and during sex he just finished inside, knowing that I would be against it. My shock and indignation angered him, he began to insist that if I loved him, I would be glad and would like to get pregnant from him. He started accusing me of not loving him. I thought about taking an emergency contraceptive pill, but the thought that we might have a baby stopped me. I still dreamed about it, and left it all to chance.

the girl is sad
the girl is sad

Pregnancy did not come, and I breathed a sigh of relief, because during these couple of weeks of waiting, the relationship was rapidly deteriorating. He constantly made comments to me that reached the point of absurdity. He could yell at me for sighing loudly or for not removing the bottle from the table. I did not understand what was happening, and tried to understand why he treated me this way, to which I heard one answer: “You just take everything too close to your heart, you have changed, but I love you like no one else, can’t you see it? ". And every time I thought that the problem was probably in me, and that it seemed to me and I turned myself on. He blamed me for everything, and I believed I was to blame.

When his rebukes became regular, I shared this with a friend. And he opened my eyes, explaining that all this is not normal, and he absolutely does not respect or love me. I was simply trampled, because my love for him was boundless. But I began to realize that from the fairy tale that was in the beginning, nothing remained but words about love.

One day he said that he had agreed to transfer to his hometown earlier and we would soon move. The realization that I would have to move with him to a strange city scared me madly. During one of the quarrels, he said that if I didn’t cook for him, he didn’t need me, and also that he would live by his own rules, and he didn’t care about my opinion. To my indignation that at the beginning of the relationship he spoke in a completely different way, he replied: "You never know what I said." And here I became convinced that this is not at all the person he pretended to be initially. It was a painful disappointment, because all this time I believed that he was my destiny.

abuse
abuse

The decision was not easy6

Almost a month passed between the decision to disperse and the day we parted. Seeing him, I could not say these words. But the approaching day of moving was sobering me, because when I imagined my future life with him, I understood that I did not want such a life. When I said that we were breaking up, he did not believe it. It was a week before the move, and he was sure that I would change my mind.

I cried day and night, but I understood that I needed to hold on and not return to him. I was helped by friends who supported me and were in touch. He left, but still tried to get everything back. After breaking up, I felt worthless. I missed him terribly, and was ready to break loose and go to him, but my friend stopped me. It took 1.5 years until the moment when I completely came to my senses and forgot him, and only then I realized that he was just an abuser, and I had not love at all, but a real addiction.

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