Is Compatibility Always Important In Love, Sex And Relationships?

Many people think they can name the personality traits that their ideal partner should have. But for some reason, they can often find happiness with someone who doesn't have any of the qualities that are attractive to them.

The content of the article

• 1 DNA: genes are more important than hair
• 2 Personal goals
• 3 Attractive facial features
• 4 Troubleshooting
• 5 Quarrels over money
• 6 Ability to resolve conflicts
• 7 Search for a pair by smell
• 8 Red is back in fashion
• 9 Courtship period
• 10 Voice tone
• 11 Speech
• 12 Desire to have children
• 13 Is compatibility always important?

You can find a partner who will meet all your requirements and even fantasies, but this does not mean that a spark will surely flare up between you. There are also the opposite situations: sometimes people immediately feel chemistry among themselves, but attempts to establish long-term relationships end in failure. What affects compatibility in a love relationship? Is it always important?

DNA: genes are more important than hairi

According to biotech research company Instant Chemistry, up to 40% of physical attraction is determined by genes. Humans are biologically programmed to feel an instant "spark" with someone who has a genetic makeup most different from ours.

Research shows that genetically compatible partners are more likely to create successful long-term relationships.

Compatible couples not only give birth to children with stronger immune systems, but are also more likely to be satisfied with their sex lives. Partners find each other attractive even after years of relationship and marriage.

Personal goals2

It is good to have similar interests, but having the same life aspirations is much more important for the love compatibility of a man and a woman. The coincidence of goals, ambitions and dreams of partners (or mismatch) has a huge impact on their relationship.

A couple in which someone is interested in financial success and a career, and someone dreams of a quiet, calm life in the wilderness, it will be difficult to maintain a relationship no matter how much the partners are passionate about each other.

When partners' desires and priorities differ greatly from each other, the relationship becomes tense. One or both of the couple will always feel pressure.

Attractive facial features3

Recent research suggests that eye socket shape is associated with reproductive health.

Evolutionary biologist Randy Thornhill of the University of New Mexico explains in his works and interviews how hormones affect the formation of skull bones. Estrogen smoothes the lines of the cheekbones and chin in women, leading to generally softer facial features and larger eyes. Male faces are shaped by testosterone, which makes their jaw line harder and their brow ridges more massive.

Facial features that are influenced by hormones indirectly tell about the reproductive health of a potential partner. The stereotypically masculine and feminine traits described above make people's faces generally more attractive to the opposite sex.

Problem solving4

The ability of a couple to jointly solve emerging problems is an excellent indicator of compatibility in a love relationship. How quickly partners learn to cope with difficulties, as well as cover and support each other, is a strong indicator of a couple's chances of a long lasting relationship.

Quarrels over money5

The ability to find compromises and support each other in financial matters greatly affects how long a couple's relationship will last and how successful they will be. A study from the University of Utah found that a couple who often clash over money during the dating stage has a high chance of divorce after marriage.

A New York Times report presented unexpected results on the reasons people are pushing for divorce. The main factors that made women decide to break up were financial differences, as well as dissatisfaction with their sex life. While men for divorce were much more likely to provoke conflicts over money; their satisfaction with their sex life did not even claim to be the first reason for the breakup.

Ability to resolve conflicts6

John Gottman studied more than 1000 couples in various situations, from everyday to conflict. He found that the interaction between partners in the first few minutes of the conversation can tell a lot about how successful their relationship will end up.

Couples who are more likely to start a conversation with a frank expression of bad emotions are more likely to get divorced than couples who work on the climate of the relationship and, despite everything, demonstrate how glad they are to see a partner.

Conflict is an integral part of any relationship, but all couples deal with it differently. Gottman wrote in The Seven Principles for Creating Marriage: "… how couples deal with conflict and how they restore their previous level of trust after it, demonstrates their compatibility in love relationships much better than how often they have conflicts at all."

Pair search by smell7

Humans are evolutionarily prone to be sensitive to odors: smell plays an important role in sexual selection. In the wild, sweat can provide a lot of information about a potential mate: gender, reproductive health, and even genetic compatibility with you (the more attractive the smell, the better the compatibility).

Diet people exude an odor that is recognized by the brains of their potential partners as "healthy" and "attractive."

A group of scientists from the Czech Republic recently discovered that people who recently ate garlic ironically smell more attractive than usual. The antioxidants in garlic have a positive effect on health and therefore on the smell of sweat.

Red is back in fashion8

Red is considered the color of love and passion for a reason. Research shows that men and women perceive people wearing red as strong, determined, and domineering.

Research also shows that red can trigger easily traceable physiological responses, such as increased heart rate or increased sense of smell.

Red enhances the attractiveness of a man in the eyes of women. Researchers at the University of Rochester found that women in the study rated the man they had already introduced as more attractive when they saw him against a red background. Men in a related study were more likely to give high marks to waitresses dressed in red.

But how are red and sex drive related? A number of scientists believe that this is due to external signs of sexual arousal - for example, blush, as well as reddened skin from friction. In addition, good circulation and high testosterone levels often give men's skin a reddish tint, which is indicative of reproductive health and which women unknowingly find attractive.

Courtship period9

A study by Dr. Ted Houston and published in Psychology Today found that courtship time predicts how comfortable and successful a couple's married life will be.

Couples who go on dates, but cannot confidently state how serious they are with their partner, even after establishing a stable relationship, often find themselves unhappy in their marriage.

Couples who dated for about two years before getting engaged have an increased chance of a happy married life. However, couples who dated for longer were more likely to get divorced after several years of marriage, especially if they broke off the relationship with their partner during a long period of courtship to try dating someone else.

Voice tone10

Why are so many women in love with men with a low voice? University College London conducted a study and found out the reason: women tend to associate men with a deep voice with a strong, strong body. At the same time, men prefer higher female voices, imagining small bodies for their owners, which cannot be a source of threat.

The brain associates deep male voices and high female voices with the characteristics of the partner's body, and therefore voices suitable for stereotypes often seem more attractive to the opposite sex.

Speech11

Researchers at Texas Tech University found that people who construct sentences in a similar manner are more likely to make a successful pair. Scientists have found a link between the intersection of vocabulary partners and their chances of meeting on a second date, as well as the chance that the couple's relationship will last longer than three months.

The study, published in the journal Psychological Science, also shows that people who speak and write in a similar style are more compatible.

Desire to have children12

The desire to have children (or, conversely, not to have them) can destroy even very strong relationships. Harriet Lerner, a public relations expert, was interviewed by the Huffington Post, in which she stated: “… The sooner this issue is discussed, the better. If one partner wants children and the other doesn't, they won't be able to find a compromise."

The study found that 65% of couples who did have children against the wishes of one of the spouses divorced before their first child was six years old.

Is compatibility always important? 13

Dr. Ted Hudson of the University of Texas interviewed many couples who had been married for years. The research results both surprised and inspired him.

Dr. Hudson noted that couples who are happy with their relationship say that compatibility in a love relationship is not important to them. One of the couples interviewed told him that they had created their own relationship; there was no question of any perfect compatibility between them, and they just had to work hard. Hudson wrote it down verbatim and included it in his research.

At the same time, a survey of couples who found their relationship unsatisfactory showed the opposite results. They noted that the compatibility of a man with a woman in love is extremely important, but did not consider themselves and their partner compatible.

The dangerous idea of romantic compatibility is that anyone who is dissatisfied with their relationship will be tempted to declare themselves and their partner incompatible, rather than solving problems and working towards happiness together. It is easy to believe that the success of a relationship depends on whether there is compatibility in a love relationship with a partner.

But the experience of happily married people contradicts this statement. Everyone who is happy with their relationship now had problems at one point. However, the couples overcame them, and therefore they are still together. The success of a relationship depends on a willingness to work on it and a desire to keep it.

Dr. John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute in Seattle, says that individual qualities of a partner actually fail to predict the duration or success of a relationship.

Gottman found that couples who work together on a project that matters to both (for example, starting a joint business) tend to stay in the relationship the longest. The doctor assures that careful interaction with a partner, an attentive attitude towards him, as well as joint work on common goals is the key to a strong, happy marriage.

Simply put, Dr. Gottman does not believe that you need to look for the perfect partner for yourself. Instead, he suggests spending more time and energy on someone who is already next to you.

John Gottman also emphasizes that it is very important that partners share dreams and life goals, respect and admire each other.

Gottman and Hudson advise remembering that men and women create love compatibility with their own hands, and that you can spend your whole life looking for an ideal, but you never find it. These researchers say there is no magic formula for building a happy relationship with another person.

People cannot influence who the body and mind find attractive. It is also impossible to artificially create an attraction to a person: nothing can be done if chemistry does not initially arise between potential partners. But finding an attractive partner is only the first step in building a long, happy relationship. Working on relationships accounts for the remaining 90% of their success.