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Video: How To Decide On A Divorce And Do It Painlessly
2023 Author: Miles Ford | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-24 12:19
Each person strives to create a strong social unit. Many succeed in this, and they live happily ever after. And some are faced with difficulties. Someone successfully solves them, but someone does not want to spend emotional resources on solving the problems that have arisen and easily burns bridges. But sometimes couples break up without seeing any other way out. And then divorce is very difficult.
The content of the article
- 1 Classics of divorce
- 2 Difficult decision
- 3 The culture of separation
- 4 Divorce and children
- 5 Point of no return
There are many reasons for divorce. Anything can serve as a trigger. But there are basic, classic ones:
- Bad habits: alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction.
- Abusive relationships: jealousy, tyranny, aggression, despotism
- Financial difficulties: pathological unwillingness of the partner to take part in the financial support of the family, high credit burden and other problems associated with a chronic lack of money.
These are the main reasons for divorce. All the rest people can quite successfully overcome, getting out of the situation with minimal losses. It makes no sense to dwell on them, and without extra water it is clear that fighting them is Sisyphean labor. It's another matter when the problem is solvable, but there is no desire to deal with it.
Before deciding on a divorce, it is necessary to bring all the pros and cons to a common denominator. Now we are not talking about hopeless situations that were described above. The conversation is about "whims", about minor problems that swell like "elephants from flies." Unfortunately, many couples, being hysterical, are not capable of constructive dialogue. In order to understand the feasibility of a divorce, you need to carefully consider everything: financial situation, the presence of children, what was good and bad in this marriage. But you need to think with a "cold" head, and not on emotions. When a person is in "discord", he is not able to think adequately. As a result, hasty decisions can lead to disastrous results.
Having brought everything together, one cannot discount the partner as well, because he may have his own thoughts on this matter. It is possible that he or she is categorically against such a turn, and wants to start changing something in the relationship and in himself in order to preserve the family. Therefore, a conversation is needed, sincere, direct, without double phrases. The likelihood that the decision was made under the influence of emotion is very high, even if everything was deliberate over time. If the partner has made enough weighty arguments in favor of preserving the marriage, and at the same time there is a feeling of respect and gratitude for him, then it is worth postponing the divorce: no one has yet canceled the crises in the relationship.
By the way, about crises. It is not without reason that psychologists identify time periods in which a marriage is bursting at the seams. Couples who are familiar with the mechanism of these moments, albeit with difficulty, overcome them and continue to live together. You can often hear that they had everything in their life: betrayal, partying drunks, debts and poverty. But they were all able to overcome, thanks to wisdom, patience and understanding that there are mistakes that can be corrected.
When the initiator of the separation decides to divorce, it is necessary to understand that the lack of mutual consent leads to serious torment for the second participant. It is necessary to make every effort to ensure that everything goes in a civilized manner. In simple terms, correct and diplomatic. It is difficult to do, but to sink to the bazaar showdown is low and unworthy of the behavior of an adequate person. Of course, we must not forget about justice. It is about the division of property. As soon as it comes to "mine is yours," people hardly retain their human appearance. And this does not paint anyone. Only a fair division of the jointly acquired good will allow you to go through the period of separation more or less calmly.
Divorce and children4
When deciding on a divorce, you can not use methods of manipulating children. Whatever the situation preceded the separation, the children have absolutely nothing to do with it, provided that nothing threatens them. Even if one of the parents suffers from alcoholism, he has the right in the moments of enlightenment to communicate with children. Of course, it is hard and scary to trust such a person with your offspring, but he is the same parent, and he also has feelings towards children.
It is very important to resolve the issue of material support for children. It is better to do this amicably, or with the help of a court, which will determine the amount for maintenance. Adequacy and fairness in this matter lies entirely with both parents.
From the point of view of child psychology, parental divorce is the most powerful stress for the heirs. Children love their parents for who they are. It is hard for them to accept the fact that mom and dad no longer want to live together. Therefore, you should try and make every effort for an imperceptible course of the process. And one more important nuance: it is a disgusting idea to turn a child against one of the parents.
Point of no return5
Carrying out the thought of divorce can go on for quite some time. Psychologists distinguish several time periods, after which we can talk about the point of no return:
- Spontaneity. Such a hasty decision is made under the influence of emotion. Parting under their pressure, a person is pursued by only one thought: to scatter as quickly as possible. Subsequent events are of little concern, there is only "here and now." In such a divorce, awareness of what happened occurs later. But spontaneity has one big and fat plus: the chances of pair recovery are very high.
- Conscious decision. It is hatched for a long time. It can last from one month to six months. During this period, the relationship is inexorably deteriorating. Each movement of the partner gradually begins to irritate, it infuriates. At the same time, the initiator of the divorce does everything so that the other half herself starts talking about the divorce. The restoration of a couple in this case happens very rarely, and there is not much sense in it, since the relationship is tense to the limit.
- The illusion of fatigue. Thoughts about divorce are not visited very often, but with an enviable frequency. This is exactly the moment when the situation can drag on for years, but never get its logical conclusion. But, what is very pleasing, in this mode, divorces happen very rarely. Most often, financial problems and minor domestic troubles are the reason for parting. Once the situation is straightened out, thoughts of divorce disappear until the next crisis.
In any case, when a person comes to the point of no return, every effort must be made to preserve the marriage. Of course, on condition of mutual desire.