How To Survive A Divorce Or A New Life In A New Quality

Divorce. A terrible and unpleasant word. Many fear it, try to avoid it, make a lot of effort to preserve the illusion of well-being. And all this in order not to be face to face with the most negative option for the development of relationships.

The content of the article

• 1 Reasons for divorce
• 2 How to survive a divorce
• 3 What to do "abandoned"
• 4 What not to do after divorce

Reasons for divorce

There are as many reasons for divorce as there are people living in a couple. But there are absolutely classic examples and standard situations. For the most part, they are the root causes of breakups.

Treason

It's a classic. Rarely, who decides, and is simply able to forgive treason. Those who are going to save their marriage no matter what, go through 9 circles of hell. There are doubts, fears, self-doubt, and depression. Basically, they forgive in two cases: unearthly love and material dependence. There is a third option, but for the most part this is just a sub-clause of the second. This is the case when the partner himself lives a double life. Unearthly love is able to forgive everything: betrayal, vile habits, such as alcoholism or drug addiction, humiliation and insults. It's hard to say what motivates a person when he forgives everything. But, as a rule, such love is just an illusion. Of course, provided that such patience is more like a "victim syndrome".

If we talk about love as such, then it is able to change a person, is able to make him better, to nurture a reciprocal feeling. If this did not happen, then talking about it is at least stupid. That is why the very fact of the existence of such a thing as treason does not exist: a person either loves or does not. If your partner no longer has feelings, don't blame him for being unfaithful. Thus, accepting the fact of treason, the initiator is either a deceiver or a deceived one. The traitor leaves because he does not see the point and desire in continuing to stay together. The deceived person does not want to put up with the fact of "betrayal" and cannot forgive a lie. Accordingly, the couple gets divorced.

Bad habits

The definition does not sound as scary as what is actually hidden under it. This includes everything that interferes with the cloudless existence of the family: alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction. Problems of this kind carry a destructive energy, which not everyone is able to cope with, both on the part of the culprit and on the part of the sufferer. These habits can kill the strongest feeling. They drag everything with them: material problems, family health in the literal and figurative sense, reduce the development of children and break their fate. In some cases, we are talking about the elementary safety of others.

As a result, the culprit ends his existence in two scenarios: copes with the problem and levels his life, or simply dies. In the first case, the preservation of the family is possible subject to the wisdom and patience of the partner. If the struggle is impossible, its fruitlessness, divorce is the best solution.

gambling addiction

This habit breaks the family's financial well-being. Endless debts, lack of money, the inability to fulfill their needs and family needs, knocks out and does not allow you to calmly plan your life. Not only the material issue is under threat, the family is exposed to negative externalities: creditors will never forgive even the smallest debt. It is impossible to play well, and the players waste fabulous sums, driving their families into debt holes. Attempts to reason with them lead nowhere.

Lack of love

When the feeling fades away, most couples decide to divorce. If the partners have no elementary respect left and nothing more binds them, then there is no point in further existence as a couple. In such a separation, there are only advantages, but more on that later.

Here are the main reasons for divorce. Of course, there are many more of them than it seems, but these are the most serious ones.

How to survive a divorce2

Before deciding to divorce, you need to understand that you will have to gather all the will into a fist. Not the best times are coming, and "berries" began in the relationship. Psychologists say that in parting, a person goes through 5 stages:

• Negation. When a person faces a divorce face to face, he will definitely experience a shock. But this is a collective definition. Many emotions are mixed in it: pain, resentment, anger, fear. After some time, the passions will subside, the person will accept the situation, but he will have denial. At this moment, the feeling of emptiness just rolls over. It is useless to convince that it will improve, form, come back to normal. He will definitely not listen to all this soothing nonsense of loved ones. Its adequacy will definitely be questionable.
• Anger. Everyone goes through this stage. Some get stuck in it firmly and for a long time. Attacks of anger can simply go off scale. It must be borne in mind that to break loose on your surroundings is bad manners. It should be understood that emotions are directed at a partner, and not as not at children, relatives or friends. With all this, a banal winding up occurs: all the partner's shoals are remembered, the negative moments become much brighter, an understanding comes that time is hopelessly lost, and the best years have been spent. This attitude towards yourself can lead to prolonged depression, which will be very difficult to cope with.
• Self-flagellation. This is the most dangerous stage of all. It is the middle, the equator of the situation. Not everyone can step over it without loss, fortunately, comments of close-minded psychologists fly from all sides, with a call to understand oneself. This is where the root of all evil lies. You can get to the bottom of yourself to such an extent that sacredly believing in your own guilt will be a normal state. This can end very unpleasantly: an obsessive desire to contact a partner, a desire to correct some mistakes, to start all over again. This is stupid. Not even worth trying.

• Feeling of emptiness. Desolation will come. She will sneak up imperceptibly, but those around her will definitely notice her isolation. You should not refuse the help of loved ones, because at first you can cope with the help of conversations. Then it will be much more difficult, but no one wants to spend several weeks in the neurosis ward.
• Adoption. Oh, this long-awaited feeling of freedom, this breath of fresh air. Acceptance of the situation will surely come. A feeling of unprecedented lightness will appear. No wonder they say that time heals. All problems will cease to hang like the sword of Damocles and will cease to seem insoluble. The way of life will cease to be chaotic and will return to order. It’s worth being patient for.

What to do "abandoned" 3

Leaving is always easy. It is much more difficult to stay, especially at the "broken trough". In order to avoid major changes in your life, you need to fully occupy yourself. You can't lie on the couch and suffer quietly.

Hobby

Yes, a common hobby. It would seem, what kind of entertainment can we talk about if there is a certificate of divorce in front of your nose. But life goes on, the sun shines the same way, and everything else has not changed. In addition, there was freedom from obligations. At this moment, it is worth remembering your dreams: learning to play the piano, learning to waltz or making pastries. There are so many interesting things around, but people do not notice all this solely because of their everyday duties. But it's so simple: tear your ass off the sofa and set off to conquer new horizons.

Second job

Workaholics who enjoy endless work can try to look for a second place of employment, well, or immerse themselves in their main activity. As long as a person is busy making money, he is not in danger of depression. Labor does the best job of healing mental wounds.

Children

Taking care of children can be very distracting. Moreover, you do not need to completely immerse yourself in the life of the heirs, it is enough just to take a little more participation in their life. But an attempt to live someone else's life does not lead to the best results in overcoming the consequences of separation.

Working on bugs

Perhaps this is the most difficult task to be solved after the divorce. The point is that many cannot look at themselves from the outside and form an objective opinion. You just need not to "chew" the words that the departing person threw, but try to comprehend them soberly. Reproaches and accusations, even thrown in hearts, always have some kind of background, a hidden meaning. Sometimes, for some individuals, it becomes a revelation that what was normal for them, unacceptable to the environment. If the strength is found, then the extraction of "roots from the equations" will serve as a good lesson for the future.

New relationship

Of course, the best way to forget the old is to do everything new. In part, having a fresh relationship can help you forget the past. But how adequate will the choice be? In any case, you should not shy away from new relationships. There are many examples in the world of how, not having time to move away from divorce, people met others, and they managed to become much happier. It's not really difficult. The whole problem is closure. Yes, it’s hard when they’ve abandoned, and even made them guilty of the breakdown of the family. But transferring fear and mistrust to a completely different person is stupid. Who knows, maybe the new love will turn out to be the one cherished?

What not to do after divorce4

The most important thing that in no case should you do after a divorce is to withdraw into yourself. Life did not stop with the departure of a partner. He did not die, he is quite alive and well. He's just not around anymore. But after all, no one fell into prostration when the teenage friendship ended. You need to find the strength to continue living on. How and what to do with yourself, it was said above, but what cannot be done?

Have tantrums

Hysterics will not solve anything, it will only aggravate the situation. A person is already negatively disposed: he has a lot of claims and among the main ones are character flaws. And then there's the hysteria. She leaves no chance of returning, but adds disgust.

Imposing communication

Worse, there are no endless tearful calls. You need to quit with this. Another point is children. One gets the impression that after a divorce, they fall into the epicenter of all the diseases in the world. At the same time, the spouse, and most often she remains "overboard", begins endlessly calling: "sit with the children", "nail a nail", "take them to the circle" and "meet from school." This should never be done. First, the constant requests are insanely annoying. Secondly, the person is gone, that's it, he is not, he has a different life! And it is ugly to load it with everyday tasks, and pride begins to limp on all "paws".

Manipulation of children

This is a classic of abandoned wives. It doesn't matter how the spouse left, it is important that they are his children. And they should not suffer from the fact that the life of their parents did not work out. He is the third extra. Therefore, the spouse has the right to full communication with children. In addition, many ladies manage to cultivate negativity in the minds of children in relation to their father. The same goes for fathers if the children stayed with them. You cannot forbid seeing the second parent. Ideally, the heirs should not see the difference, except that now one of the parents lives separately.

As for men in this regard. Many fathers, after divorce, minimize communication with their children. Yes, nature has laid down that the male may not take any part in raising children at all. But people are not animals. Gave birth - be kind to take care.

Spreading rumors

Sinking to gossip is disgusting. Divorce has several stages. Among them are alienation and hatred. These two moments are “blind”. The result is sad: the most insignificant miss of the departed partner takes the size of an elephant. Yes, I want them to regret after the divorce, to give them a cookie and sweet tea. Dissemination of hard-hitting information will allow you to get the support of society and general censure of the "negligent". So "mouth shut" and no unnecessary conversations. You have to be above that.

Divorce is hard. You need to have the courage, and endurance, and prudence to decide on such an event. And if it happened, then you need to draw the right conclusions, and today to become better than yesterday.