Table of contents:
- Unsuccessful marriage
- Serious reasons for divorce2
- Decide to break off relations on your own3
- Don't be complacent with false beliefs4
- Think over all the details5
- Talk to your spouse6
- Get away from an abusive husband7
- Preliminary actions8
- How not to make mistakes with children9
- How to help your child cope 10
- Don't get depressed11
- Return relationship or not12
- Don't make new mistakes13
Video: Tips On How To Leave Your Husband, Even If You Have A Child
A good husband, a happy and healthy family is every woman's dream. But, unfortunately, real reality is very different from pipe dreams. Instead of a caring and loving spouse, a woman gets a tyrant and despot. And a home nest sometimes turns into a suffocating cage, from which you so want to escape. In such cases, the unhappy spouse begins to think about divorce and daily think about how to leave her husband.
The content of the article
- 1 Unsuccessful marriage
- 2 Serious reasons for divorce
- 3 Decide on your own to break the relationship
- 4 Don't be complacent with false beliefs
- 5 Think over all the details
- 6 Talk to your spouse
- 7 Leaving an abusive husband
- 8 Preliminary actions
- 9 How not to make mistakes with children
- 10 How to help your child cope
- 11 Don't get depressed
- 12 Return relationship or not
- 13 Don't make new mistakes
Leo Tolstoy's book "Anna Karenina" begins with the words: "All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." There can be plenty of reasons for divorce. A perfect marriage without hassle is possible only in a fairy tale. In real life, spouses have to find a compromise, work on relationships, work on their shortcomings, be able to forgive and smooth things over in order to create a strong and happy family.
Often a guy and a girl, wanting to live together, are not ready to make such sacrifices. Being selfish, none of the spouses goes to meet, does not value each other, and divorce happens out of stupidity and thoughtlessness. In some cases, you really should close your eyes to many things, learn to understand and forgive your husband and try to save the relationship. But there are situations when family life turns into hell.
Serious reasons for divorce2
Sometimes neighbors and relatives do not see what is happening outside the walls of the houses and apartments of their relatives and friends. And only the eyes of a woman, with the expression of a hunted doe, aggressive or sullen children indicate that the family is uncomfortable and bad. For many reasons, a wife should really end her family life and think about how to leave her husband. The following reasons call for serious action:
When the husband is in alcohol or drug addiction, he does not respond to treatment and other beliefs. With such a spouse and father, not a woman, not children will see nothing good
- Husband's aggressive behavior is one of the important reasons why a woman should reconsider her attitude towards marriage. You should not allow assault on both your spouse and children. There is nothing worse than a battered mother and frightened children. Violence and humiliation in the family must be strictly suppressed, and in case of continuing situations, the union must be terminated immediately.
- Sometimes the reason for divorce can be the husband's complete indifference to what is happening. He is not interested in children, wife. He lives his life. Spends time with friends, his entertainment. Both children and spouse feel superfluous and unnecessary in his life.
- Frequent cheating on her husband is a pretty good reason for divorce. The wife becomes unhappy, distressed, hysterical. She pays little attention to children who observe sad parenting relationships.
- Addiction to gambling is one of the reasons why a woman should consider ending her marriage. If a man does not want to part with his favorite hobby, the consequences for the family can be the most catastrophic.
Decide to break off relations on your own3
Each woman should make the decision to divorce independently. She can consult with friends, a psychologist, family members, but at the same time decide for herself what to do. In no case should you give in to pressure from relatives and friends and leave your husband, only on the basis of their assumptions. But you shouldn't engage in self-deception either. Many unhappy wives find it easier to close their eyes and endure an unpleasant and cruel reality than to change something in their lives. Observing humiliation and disrespect from a spouse, they often comfort themselves with the following words:
- "I live with him and endure this, only for the sake of the children."
- "He's bound to change."
- "It is my own fault that he does this to me."
- "There is nothing to worry about, everyone lives like this …"
Don't be complacent with false beliefs4
Don't cheat yourself. Life is one, and it is worth living happily.
- There is no need to endure humiliation and beatings, only so that the father and breadwinner live next to the children. Younger and older family members will not be happy and grateful to their parents who helped them live in an atmosphere of fear and tension. It is better to divorce your husband and help the children develop friendships with their father than to stay married and bring up in children disgust and hatred of the parent.
- It is not a fact that a negligent spouse will change his attitude towards his wife and children, if there is nothing to change. People don't just change. Aggressiveness and ignorance of the husband will not correct the "sheep's" behavior of the wife and beyond the obedience of the bogged down children.
- In some cases, the spouse can really provoke the husband to do bad things and irritation. But if the humiliating and aggressive actions of the spouse are repeated regularly, you should not justify the tyrant's behavior.
- There is no need to reassure yourself that the surrounding families are also unhappy. Do you really not want a happier fate for yourself? It is better to pay attention to those who were able to build a happy relationship after breaking the "Gordian knot".
Think over all the details5
Thinking about a divorce, a woman must definitely weigh everything and think it over. Especially if the family brings up common children.
- It is advisable to write down all the positive and negative aspects of marriage. There is nothing to hide or "brighten up". This list is necessary for a woman to be able to take a sober view of her family life from the outside.
- You need to talk to your children if they don't tell Dad about "heart-to-heart conversations with their mother." If we are talking about kids, then you should not injure their state of mind ahead of time. Moreover, if the woman has not decided on the decision to divorce.
- It is imperative to think over all the nuances: where to live, how to support yourself and your children, what kind of relationship to maintain with your ex-spouse after a divorce.
Talk to your spouse6
Before divorce, you should first talk with your husband. Perhaps the man will take into account his mistakes and change his behavior. In some cases, a Woman may temporarily leave her spouse alone. Such a "time out" will help both her and her husband to be separate from each other, to rethink values, to perform a kind of "divorce rehearsal". If the pause did not help "remake" the guilty side, then parting becomes inevitable. You should not convince yourself otherwise, and take drastic measures.
Get away from an abusive husband7
In some families, the relationship quickly fizzles out and the spouses mutually divorce. But sometimes, a woman is tormented in a suffocating marriage with a dictator - her husband, and is afraid to leave him. A man perceives a woman as his own thing, as a slave, and suppresses any attempts to "break free." He intimidates the unfortunate victim, locks the houses, takes away the phone and cuts off all paths to "freedom" and "normal life." A desperate and frightened woman resigns herself to an unhappy fate and is afraid to change her life, convincing herself that it will be even worse. Don't be fooled! Millions of unfortunate wives took a step forward and were able to change their lives for the better! They, too, were scared, uncomfortable, sad, but they strove for a better fate and achieved their goal.
When in a family boat with a tyrant, a wife should carefully consider how to leave her husband. It is necessary to think over all the details in order to protect yourself and the children from the aggression of the spouse, who categorically does not agree to divorce and threatens family members.
- It is important to weigh everything thoroughly and think it over. First of all, decide on your future place of residence. It is easier to leave an abusive spouse than to kick him out of the house. Finding housing for yourself and your children is an important task.
- Enlist the support of someone close and friends.
- Consult a lawyer about divorce and alimony. Collect and hide the necessary documents in advance: passport, make photocopies.
- In the case of a marriage with a despot, from whom it is problematic and difficult to leave, it may be worth transferring the necessary things to a new place of residence in advance. Upon learning of the spouse's departure, an angry husband can deny access to personal belongings in order to manipulate her and the situation.
- There is no need to be afraid of outside help. If the abusive husband starts to dismiss his hands, then you need to immediately contact the police. Your own health and life are more important than far-fetched fears and complexes.
How not to make mistakes with children9
Before leaving her husband, a woman should talk to his relatives. Do not stoop to claims, rudeness and insults. Perhaps, having heard her version of the divorce, the spouse's relatives will be able to understand her and become on friendly terms with her. It is important to pay attention to children. They can suffer greatly from the fact that their beloved mom and dad now live separately.
What absolutely must not be done:
- Ignore the suffering, strange behavior and questions of children.
- Asking heartbreaking questions: who do you love more, dad or mom?
- To break loose on children, to scream, and even more so, to beat.
- To pour out the soul of children, insulting a negligent father and spouse.
- Forbid children from communicating with their fathers if the dates do not pose a physical or moral threat to them.
- Do not manipulate the child by communicating with the ex-spouse.
How to help your child cope 10
It is important not to make mistakes in parenting with children when parents get divorced. Any change is stressful, especially for children. It doesn't matter what age they are: toddlers or teenagers. The following steps will help reduce the severity of anxiety when parents divorce:
- Listen to the child's experiences, try to support him and assure him that everything will definitely be fine. Do not ignore any warning signs in his behavior and words. Do not neglect the advice of a qualified psychologist.
- If the children are young, then at first they should not talk about divorce. Better to just say that mom and dad will now live separately. The baby will eventually get used to new circumstances, and can find out about the real reasons later, when he grows up and understands the mother's behavior.
- With older children, you should talk calmly and restrainedly about divorce, without going into details and not getting carried away with rudeness towards a negligent husband. If a child craves communication with his father, there is no need to forbid him, unless there are serious reasons for this.
Don't get depressed11
Divorce is never painless. No wonder it is called "little death". Therefore, women often do not dare to take such a step and lead to a miserable condition in an unhappy family. There is no need to be afraid of changes if they become the beginning of a new, rich life. In order not to get bogged down in difficult experiences, a woman must follow these recommendations:
- Talk to a psychologist, pour out your soul to your family and friends.
- Pay attention to yourself: go in for sports, update your wardrobe, find an interesting hobby.
- Paying attention to children (they also have a difficult time now). Go to the park, swimming pool, visit the children's theater or watch a new cartoon.
- If possible, stay on friendly terms with your husband. This will be useful to both if the spouses have children in common.
In some cases, being at a distance, a divorced man and woman come to the decision to converge and start all over again, without past mistakes. Or they realize that divorce was the best solution for their situation.
Return relationship or not12
Getting together with an ex-husband or not is not an easy decision. A woman should carefully weigh it and think it over:
- Is it possible, in their case, to renew the relationship.
- Will it be good for her and her children.
In fact, a person can change for the sake of loved ones and dear people. But getting on the same rake is not worth it if there is no progress.
Don't make new mistakes13
After parting with her husband, a woman must reconsider her life and understand what she wants for the future, herself and her children. A big mistake is made by divorces who immediately seek to start a new relationship, convincing themselves that this will be better for her and the children. It is important to understand that marriage is a serious job. Disappointments in the past should be a serious lesson from which to draw important thoughts and arguments to build a happy relationship in the future.