Table of contents:
- Why did you even get involved in this? I
- Or maybe …? 2
- Opinion of psychologists3
Video: How To Break Up With A Married Man: Advice From A Psychologist
Having a relationship with a married man is immoral, horrible, disgusting and, in general, behavior unworthy of a lady!
The content of the article
- 1 Why did you even get into this?
- 2 Or maybe …?
- 3 Opinion of psychologists
- 4 Preparation
- 5 Conversation
- 6 Recommendations
We would say if we ourselves were innocent white sheep.
But we're not here to hang labels and lynch.
You realized that you want to break off relations with this man.
At the same time, you realize that you still have feelings for him.
The situation is not easy, but there is a way out.
Now we will prove it to you.
Why did you even get involved in this? I
In print and online publications, a ton of articles on the topic of what drives married men to commit adultery.
Here and the desire for novelty, and an attempt to escape from the routine, and a midlife crisis, when a mistress acts as a pill against disappointment in herself.
Sometimes - oh my god! - Even love is the reason for treason.
Most coaches, psychologists, and other professionals agree on one thing: a man does not consider an outside relationship as something serious. Fun, entertainment, play - nothing more. Like a trip to an amusement park and a roller coaster ride.
There are much fewer articles describing how a woman feels in such a situation.
And this is a serious omission.
You cannot study the psychology of a woman on the example of a man. They have completely different thinking.
The main difference is that a woman wants more when she meets a married man.
There are also exceptions. There are women who commit adultery just for the sake of sex and vivid sensations. They do not intend to build a serious relationship with their lover and will immediately show him the door if he begins to put forward his conditions.
Such women do not think about how to leave their annoying lover. If you get tired of it, I'll give it up, business.
But we are now talking about those ladies for whom a secret romance is not a game. This is not an attempt to keep yourself in good shape and not fun for a couple of months.
We are talking about those girls who swallow tears, sitting alone at home, while their beloved spend cozy evenings with their spouses and children.
Why are you and millions of other girls in this situation?
Let's look at three main reasons:
And that's it. A man does not even need to sometimes use manipulations and come up with some ingenious moves.
The woman will do everything herself. Will think over, dream up. And then she will fall in love with the image she invented.
So what if he is a tyrant / married / jealous / does not want children / constantly lying to me. The others do not have any man at all, but at least I have one.
A dangerous trap. The fear of being alone is a powerful engine. The truth is not progress, but regression.
The more insecure a girl is, the easier it is for her to fall for this bait. Even if she looks like Monica Bellucci, cooks like Gordon Ramsay, and does things in bed that Brazzers never dreamed of.
The wild, animal fear of loneliness will inspire her that she must take the first peasant who comes to hand.
Familiar song. A man in paints paints to his naive girlfriend that he is deeply unhappy in marriage. His wife does not understand him and in every possible way treats him. There is no sex, no communication, no emotional intimacy. Not marriage, but cohabitation.
"Why don't you get a divorce?" - you ask a question.
And then such tales pour into your ears that J. K. Rowling stands in the corner with a notebook and scrupulously writes it down.
Children, wife's illness, problems with documents, etc.
There is a great risk that you are not the first lover in his life, so he already has a legend prepared.
Or maybe …? 2
What if he still leaves her? I love him so much, we feel so good together.
What if I don't love anyone else like that?
What if I don't find anyone else?
But what if?
How strong is our faith in miracles!
There is a chance that you will be together.
Let's add a little (blatant lie, in fact a lot) of tar in the honey barrel:
He can decide to divorce for a long time. And when we say "a long time", we do not mean months or even years
Think about it. Decades of lonely evenings, New Years in an embrace with a bottle of champagne and a speech by the president. Decades of secret dating and asking your parents when you’ll introduce your boyfriend to them. Decades of pain, jealousy and agony.
Life in its rhythm. You will go on dates and go on vacation when it suits him. You will miss your friend's wedding and your parents' wedding anniversary. You can cancel a business trip or even refuse to move abroad. And all in order to be with him. After kissing you goodbye, he will return to his wife and go to bed with her
For everyone who is familiar with your situation, you will be a housewife. The bitch who ruined someone else's family and left the children without a dad
Still thinking about continuing this relationship?
Then here's your last argument - more than 70% of men return to their wives after a while. Considering the fact that most of them, in principle, do not leave their wives, these 30% are a pitiful bunch of renegades. Two and a half excavators.
Why do they return to their wives? Because pink glasses fall off them. The mistress turns into a wife and starts pumping rights. With his wife, everything is already clear. You know how to calm her down and how to appease her. But with this newcomer, not a damn thing is clear. Why should I delve into all this?
No, dear, I'm back to my wife.
Opinion of psychologists3
Below are the arguments of experts on how such a relationship affects a woman and her psycho-emotional state.
Spoiler alert: very unfavorable.
- You know you are doing something wrong. You are perfectly aware that you are destroying someone else's family. Even if "the case works out," you will think about it and feel guilty.
- Passion is clouding the mind, but a glimpse of common sense tells you that this relationship is hopeless. You understand that. And you live in fear that your intuition will be right.
- You have no formal relationship. At the same time, you do not feel free and deprive yourself of normal human relations. You don't go out on dates, and you don't accept gifts from young people. Friends and relatives cannot tell if you have a partner or not. You refuse to represent him, which arouses fear and suspicion.
Your whole life is shrouded in a veil of secrets, lies and uncertainty.
If you're ready, we move on to action.
Enlist the support of loved ones (this man is no longer among them). If you are not ready to tell your secret to friends and relatives, it does not matter
Just start spending more time with them. Enjoy connecting with people who really love you. Charge yourself with this energy.
Let time with your loved ones remind you that the light did not converge on this man. Even without him, you have people who are truly valuable to you.
Do you have a close friend or relative to whom you could talk? Do it. It will become much easier for you. After months (or years) of secrets and lies, you will feel a huge relief. Tell me about your intention to break up with your man. Get support. You will again be convinced of the correctness of your decision
No one to speak out? This is not a reason to keep everything to yourself. Write your feelings and emotions in a diary or blog. Leave the notes private or put on public display? At your discretion. On the thematic forum, you can exchange experiences with other women who find themselves in the same situation
Take time for yourself. Be selfish. Remember your needs and desires. Self-care, healthy sleep, sports or meditation - start giving yourself as much love as you gave a man
Find yourself a new hobby, set yourself a new goal related to work or study. This will help you get through the gap with the least amount of loss
Choose a time and place that is convenient for both of you. You should only be together. Quiet and cozy cafe, park - choose a location of your choice. Let it be neutral territory. You don't need to meet at his house or where you feel uncomfortable
If you don't know what kind of reaction to expect from a man, choose a public place.
- Try to stay calm. Speak confidently and firmly.
- You can start a conversation with something that does not suit you in your relationship. Emphasize that this format does not suit you, and you no longer agree to live as before.
- If a man tries to convince you, stand your ground. Do not be fooled by his persuasion and oath promises to leave his wife. Especially if he has used this tactic before.
- Be firm in your intention. If you yourself are not sure that you really want to break up, you will not be able to convince a man of this. He will put pressure on you, you will break, and your relationship will continue.
- Do not answer his messages and calls. Chances are good that he will promise you to leave your wife, press on feelings of guilt and use various manipulations. There is no turning back.
Did he leave his wife?
You can list the "Pros and cons of our relationship." Just be as objective as possible
Then make a list of the pros and cons of parting with him. Here's the first point with a plus sign - “I can go on a date with any man I like, because I'm free.” Or "I can calmly introduce my new man to friends or upload joint photos." Do you dare?
Let your farewell meeting be discreet and businesslike. If your rendezvous turns out to be too romantic, there is a high risk of being in bed with him
Delete his numbers, unsubscribe from him in all social networks. If your married ex is a work colleague, consider changing jobs
Throw away all your memorabilia. You don't need these flashbacks
The classic technique is to radically change the image. Refresh your wardrobe, change your hairstyle, start painting more (or less) than usual
Relax in solitude for a while, and then get actively involved in social life. You don't need to go all over the place. It is enough to start going out with your friends more often and going on dates
If your ex controlled you in every possible way, then dating and parties are what you need! Go get that red dress that pissed him off.
Go on a journey. If work and budget don't allow you to go to London or be sad in a Parisian cafe, a trip to another city will do. Train or bus, headphones in your ears and complete freedom of action. Have you been going to visit friends or relatives for a long time?
Buy your ticket right now.