Table of contents:
- Advance of candy-bouquet stage i
- Struggle for power, an attempt to change a partner2
- Patient attitude3
- Caring and giving4
- Trust and respect5
Video: Stages Of Development Of A Relationship Between A Man And A Woman
The level of boundless trust and love in a couple is achieved through great joint work. But from one of the acquaintances who have lived with the second half for several years, phrases like: "love has passed, the habit remains". Do all feelings end in the romantic phase, or are there more advanced periods in the relationship? This article will help you figure it out.
The content of the article
- 1 Advance of the candy-bouquet stage
- 2 Struggle for power, an attempt to change a partner
- 3 Patient attitude
- 4 Caring and giving
- 5 Trust and respect
- 6 Love
Advance of candy-bouquet stage i
The first period of relationship development is also called romantic. It is sometimes confused with love. Why is that? Because nature itself gives the initial impetus for the convergence of lonely hearts. Both release happiness hormones in the body called dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins.
Thanks to them, the image of an ideal life partner matures in my head. Its shortcomings are not noticed or written off. Perhaps nonexistent merits are even attributed, or existing ones are greatly embellished. The beauty of the process lies in the fact that a person is ready to flutter with happiness and he ceases to care about everything else.
If you recall the words from the song "love is chemistry", then for the romantic stage of the development of relationships, they will be very appropriate. Popular wisdom calls this period a candy-bouquet period, as life takes on new and bright colors. I would like to endlessly thank my partner for the sensations caused by sweets, bouquets, dates and other amenities.
A special name was invented for this state - "in love". Love and falling in love are distinguished by the fact that the latter is a superficial feeling and is supported by hormones. But their action will not be able to operate throughout a human life. If the partner does not have any pronounced disadvantages in the eyes of his other half, then their effect can last from several months to a year and a half. If more, then the human body can be depleted.
The figures for the duration of time are arbitrary. In more experienced, already in relationship, the actions of pheromones can be controlled or partially suppressed by the voice of reason, so the state of euphoria will pass faster. According to various sources, a figure of 1 year is mentioned when the effect of the chemistry of love ends. And the romantic phase of the relationship ends in the first months after legalized marriage, or in general the first days after the wedding and after 3 years of marriage.
Until this period of time, people enjoy communication, intimate intimacy, planning a joint future in rainbow colors. Most of them manage to get married and have children. But, as said, a gift from nature in the form of cool sensations cannot last forever. It is given to people in advance so that they can get closer, get married or get married, have children, and then move to a new level of love.
Only this transition is not always pleasant. Therefore, some couples decide to leave, because of the belief that love has passed. Some try their luck with someone else, again experience similar feelings, but as soon as the effect of pheromones wears off, a beacon goes off in the head with a brief wording: "something is wrong." This can be repeated endlessly, until the person decides to go through the second period of the relationship.
Struggle for power, an attempt to change a partner2
When the action of hormones has passed, rose-colored glasses are removed and the person is faced with a choice: loneliness or love. In most cases, such a decision is made more than once in a lifetime. You can change partners endlessly. It looks like a vicious circle that will open after realizing that you need to look in a completely different plane. That is, stop chasing the high of the hormones of happiness.
After the expiration of the pheromones, both come to their senses, no longer try to present each other in the best light. Disadvantages come out. If earlier they could seem insignificant, or they gave cuteness to the second half, now they are starting to be wildly annoying. You have to decide where to go next: stay together or look for happiness somewhere on the side. It looks like a pendulum swinging in one direction or another.
In the beginning, a person cannot figure out what happened. The question is asked, is love really gone? In a good scenario, there are new hobbies, hobbies and activities that help smooth out the initial discomfort from lost sensations. But there are also unpleasant moments. They consist in realizing the partner's shortcomings.
For women and men, marriage and a stamp in the passport are a conditioned signal for relaxation. Before that, they tried, supported the romance, but the feelings passed, the partner begins to seem like one continuous flaw. This period of development of relations became the basis for the emergence of folk humorous folklore. For example, in one joke, a guy is talking on the phone with a friend and says that his wife had an accident and crashed a car. When a friend asked if everything was okay, was she alive? The husband replied: “For now, yes. I locked myself in the bathroom."
This period is also characterized by the fact that both are trying to change each other and are fighting for power. They think that the reason for the loss of feelings was due to the repulsive personality traits of the woman / man, therefore, in order for them to return, the person must be changed. Most often, attempts are made by force through manipulation and blackmail. But when it realizes that this is useless, the person either resigns himself, looks inward, or leaves, blaming the other half for everything.
It is very important that the desire to change is mutual, otherwise nothing will work. In general, this period of relationship can be called the first step to true love. It helps a person not only to accept a partner as / who they are, but also to become better himself. For some, adaptation can take place violently, with scandals and scenes, while for others, more or less quietly. Mutual respect grows between people and relations move to a higher level, which no longer rests on romance and sex alone.
In the previous stage, the lovers were removed from the pedestal and examined under a microscope to the smallest detail. Most of all interested in the shortcomings of a loved one. It turned out that he / she is not as beautiful as they used to be. Moreover, the partner is irritating. Thanks to this, in an invisible way, everyone's personal boundaries are restored. They stopped feeling themselves as a whole and remembered that they have some personal aspirations and goals that do not always coincide with the opinion of a loved one. But after lengthy quarrels and lapping, a feeling of calmness came.
In films, for example, the intervening period is shown as quickly passing. But in life, unfortunately, it takes several years. If the couple stands the test, tolerance will come. This state becomes an excellent foundation for true love. It is difficult to determine the time frame when people reach this stage. It may come in the third year of marriage, or maybe in the tenth or twentieth.
For the most part, this is a struggle with personal egoism. There are conditional guidelines for when it can begin: with the appearance of children and joint property. Now people do not rely on emotions alone and cannot just pick up and leave. In a good scenario, a person begins to understand that his feelings are often distorted and do not reflect objective reality. Therefore, in order not to break the wood, he begins to work harder on himself, bringing up the quality of tolerance.
It is important to bear in mind that tolerance and patience differ significantly. Patience is often referred to as a "victim", that is, a person who did not voluntarily endure pain and resentment. Such patience will burst sooner or later.
Tolerance is a voluntary decision to become better and accept a partner. This is not an attempt to escape into an alcoholic bottle so that the environment will annoy less; not achieving nirvana when chaos is happening around the place, and a person ignores it; not resignation to the accumulated problems, they say it is useless to twitch. This is personal development. Both should be ready for it.
Here people learn to tolerate the shortcomings of their neighbor, respect his / her needs, and forgive mistakes. At this stage, hope and awareness are formed that patience is far from the last level of the love stage and that one can go much further.
Caring and giving4
Every person has a natural need to receive and give. But the need to get something, at best, manifests itself a little more. At its worst, the ability to selflessly give thanks and give is almost atrophied.
At the beginning of the period of development of a relationship, in the stage of romance, a guy and a girl care and think about each other disinterestedly, but under the influence of love hormones. When they have learned not to compete and be patient with their other half, the skill of selfless care and real cooperation comes. This is what many couples dream about and talk about in the early stages of a relationship. But not everyone can withstand crises in order to get closer to this stage.
You may have to overcome the trials of betrayal, the discrepancy between the conceived goals for life and their implementation. Reaching this level is a very difficult task. To take such a peak, a person will have to humble his pride. This is the only way he can happily serve another person, in this case, his spouse. At the same time, one does not always expect a response from a husband or wife.
This will open the doors to more mature emotions. First, a person will feel relief, the removal of the load and heaviness from his shoulders, the nightmare of full maturation of the personality will pass, which ends somewhere in his thirties. A bonus will be the feeling of one's own need and the joy of being able to make something useful out of life. Who knows, maybe in these years the second wind will open and dreams will come true.
Trust and respect5
When people have learned to tolerate each other's shortcomings, to care and give selflessly, trust comes. This is a consequence of the ups and downs experienced together, the growing up of children, the appearance of grandchildren. Life has become calmer and less frightening.
By this time, the spouses had studied each other well, learned to take and give, developed and retained their individuality, and gained life experience. This is the penultimate stage, followed by true love.
Communication and mutual understanding in relationships play here with bright colors. Something similar is experienced at the very beginning of the journey, especially if they only have first love, when an advance is made in the form of love hormones. But here the sensations are stronger and brighter. Feelings no longer depend on "love chemistry".
In addition, there are no doubts, complete confidence in a partner. Fears and fears are bypassed, anxiety and nervousness disappear. The main feature is not simulated trust, but natural.
The last step. Few achieve it because it goes beyond just the relationship between spouses. Here the person managed to tip the scales in the direction of a good beginning and take control of the evil. Therefore, love is rather a general attitude towards life, where the person is truly happy, and all the neuroses and problems that previously haunted are healed.
Communication with people who have learned to love causes a dumb delight. Their word has extraordinary power. They do not condemn, accept a person for who he is, forgive his weaknesses and misdeeds, they radiate benevolence that does not cause a shadow of doubt. You want to come back to them again and again, and never leave at all.
Peaceful power emanates from them. If this state has been achieved in a couple, then the person has fully managed to realize his natural need - to learn to love. But this skill is never given just like that. People undergo lifelong trials. As they say: "they don't look for happiness in a quiet harbor." Therefore, in order to reach this stage, one must have extraordinary courage and determination.