Table of contents:
- "Well, when already?" I
- Without psychoanalysis, please 2
- It's not so bad3
- Childfree around us4
Video: The Girl Told Why She Became A Childfree
Who is bothering childfree? Frankly speaking, nobody. Now we are talking about adequate adults who do not impose their point of view on anyone. They have made a conscious decision and are enjoying their lifestyle. Do not judge their friends and acquaintances who decide to become parents. They do not say that children are bad, they are a burden, etc.
The content of the article
- 1 "Well, when already?"
- 2 Hate-free
- 3 Without psychoanalysis, please
- 4 It's not that bad
- 5 Childfree around us
In general, they behave like ordinary adults with a conscious approach to life. Just no children.
So why do some compassionate personalities go on the attack every time they hear that someone does not consider parenting to be the main joy in life? Before you - the revelations of Dana McMahan. She and her husband are absolutely happy and do not plan to have children. They are okay. In her article for the major American television network NBCNews, Dana spoke about why her lifestyle is only her business.
"Well, when already?" I
People who ask tactless questions are not mammoths.
They will never die out.
Perhaps even those girls who have barely turned twenty are familiar with this. “Are you going to get married? And when to give birth to children? The particles are ticking!"
Should a girl find a boyfriend or - finally! - to get married, as relatives and unfamiliar persons begin to pester with questions about the "kids".
“With each new birthday on the way from 30 to 40, I feel more and more relief. Each new year brings less and less reason to fight the never-ending “Are you planning children? Not? In what sense is not it ?! " - says Dana.
The correct answer to such a question simply does not exist, as she correctly notes. And honest and modest "Mmm, well, I just don't want" such people are unlikely to be satisfied. “They seem to take it as their personal mission - to convince me that I myself do not understand what’s on my mind,” says Dana.
Dana will soon turn forty-five. Soon, questions about when she plans to have children will stop pestering her. But she fears another era. Eras of questions like “Do you have children? Not? Do you regret not having them?"
Dana thinks she must jot down a list of reasons why people shouldn't hate her or other childfree.
“Why not choose a different tactic instead of hatred? “You know, this is not for me. But I fully support those who think and live differently. " I am grateful for my friends who have chosen a different path and are now raising wonderful curious and socially conscious individuals. The world rests on them,”says Dana.
She also draws attention to the fact that childfree constantly have to defend themselves and focus on the fact that they love their nephews, nieces, children of friends, etc. She does not believe that such an argument is necessary as such. Although - she draws attention - in many films, villainous heroines are childless.
“Let’s also not forget about such a moment as“selfishness”. So no one was able to intelligibly explain why the reluctance to create a miniature version of myself, which will have to take care of me in old age, makes me selfish. Counter question - do you really think you are getting some kind of guarantee? " McMahan asks.
Without psychoanalysis, please 2
Most of all, Danu is annoyed by comments like "But if you had your own child, you would have thought differently!"
At such moments, she really wants to ask the question: "And if this does not happen, will you take my child?"
“Most of all I want to understand why women - mothers - so want me to join their ranks. Is motherhood such bliss and they want me to enjoy it too? Mmm, I'm not buying this. The truth is that motherhood is hard work. Many women regret their choice. More precisely, the lack of choice - after all, most pregnancies were not planned,”she says.
“In fact, the very idea that I made the decision not to have children seems a bit wrong to me. I just never made the decision to have them. Likewise, I never made the decision to become a parachutist, scientist, or gardener. Where else will people have such an opportunity to evaluate other people's lives by what they do not do? " McMahan asks a reasonable question.
Dana McMahan with her husband
Dana sees no problem at all with not having children. But others for some reason do not share her opinion.
“I have not wanted children since I was old enough to understand that little girls should want their own children. Nothing influenced my decision, no one suggested it to me. I just didn't want it. Just like I didn't want to eat liver or play dodgeball. If I start eating liver, I won't like it. And if I have my own child, I won't like the whole idea either. Just think how awful it is to wish a child that he was born to a person who never wanted him."
Dana thinks it's silly to explain to someone why she doesn't want children. It's like trying to explain why she doesn't like bell peppers. “I just am who I am, that's all,” she says.
It's not so bad3
“There is a bright side to all this - with each new birthday, I care much less than others seem to care about all this. I spent so much emotional energy caring for other people's opinions, trying to justify myself and dreaming that people would understand me. And how many tears were shed because of offensive and thoughtless remarks. And they were all received from women. Now, between the ages of 40 and 50, I finally realize that I just don't care. I feel like John Candy in a wonderful scene from Airplane, Train, Car, when he confronts the hostile Steve Martin with a sincere "I love myself."
I like my life. I really like it. And part of me should kind of feel guilty about it, but you know what? This is where I make my choice. I prefer to feel grateful rather than guilty. For having the opportunity to prevent unwanted pregnancies. For the fact that I was lucky to marry a man who did not run away from me on the first date after learning that I did not want children. And I am grateful for this life. She was never perfect. But she's mine. And only mine."
Childfree around us4
There are actually quite a few people like Dana and her husband. It's just that not everyone dares to openly state their position. It's easier to politely nod your head and get away from the answer than to say that you are not planning children. Not now, not in a year, not in ten years.
Frankly speaking, such conscious childfree causes much more respect than careless "child-lovers". “I cannot and do not want to devote my time and my care to the child. And I won't have children just because it's right. A child deprived of parental love and care will be very unhappy. I don't want that,”is a healthy position.
“I want to have children so that they take care of me in old age. I don’t know how I’ll bring them up. Hope parents can help. Maybe my parental instinct will wake up in me. The main thing is to give birth, and then we'll see,”- this is an unhealthy selfish position.
Dana and her husband are definitely not at all worried about the fact that in old age there will be no one to give them a glass of water. Dana's Instagram is replete with vivid photos of delicious food, travel, dogs and other pleasant moments in life. Perhaps the most important thing to learn from the guys is the ability to live “wrong”, but with taste.