The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse For A Legal Marriage

Health experts won't tell you that married couples can overcome the flu simply by reducing the concentration of negative behaviors in marriage. Researchers from the University of Birmingham (UK) and Greta Haizi from the University of Tirana (Albania) studied how married relationships affect health.

The content of the article

• 1 1. Criticism
• 2 2. Contempt
• 3 3. Defensive behavior
• 4 4. Confrontation

Freeing negative behavior literally puts the health of the partners at risk. Dr. Gottman calls four types of this behavior "the four horsemen of the Apocalypse." The term is adapted from the "Revelations of John the Theologian" (Bible).

1. Criticism1

Reproaches and categorical language in communication is the first mistake. “Why did you give me a watch, I never wear it. You always forget everything! " - the habits of making such statements create the illusion that the partner is constantly making mistakes, and the couple begins to believe in it over time.

Antidote: it is better to sort out the situation together and let your partner help, and not accuse him of inattention.

2. Contempt2

“Do you want me to cook all the time? You are so lazy, expecting from me that I will always clean up after you ?! " - an example of contemptuous speech. However, contempt can also be expressed in body language (rolling your eyes, for example).

Antidote: Develop a culture of respect and appreciation; not focus on the flaws, but emphasize the merits.

3. Defensive behavior3

"You forgot to pay utility bills again!" - a reproach. "But you yourself did not put it to me, I forgot and did not find …" - an attempt at justification. When marriage becomes habitual, almost every conversation can become a series of accusations and excuses.

Antidote: show diplomacy and distribute responsibilities, less often look for the source of your own emotional load in a partner.

4. Confrontation4

Confrontation occurs when one of the partners acquires the habit of avoiding interaction, and the spouses move away from each other.

Antidote: the only adequate strategy is to make it clear to the partner that a pause in the dialogue is needed, and to take a time-out to “cool down”; be sure to return to the conversation a little later.