Table of contents:
- Betrayal of betrayal of strife
- Defeating yourself or how to forgive a loved one? 2
- How to prevent and how to solve the problem intelligently? 3
- For desperate and hotheads 4
Video: How To Forgive The Betrayal Of A Loved One? Ways To Solve The Problem
Sometimes there are situations in life when one person betrays another. The varieties, causes and effects will be discussed below, but it is clear that a devotee experiences a whole range of negative emotions. How to forgive a loved one in this case? And is this forgiveness really necessary?
The content of the article
- 1 Betrayal to betrayal strife
- 2 Defeat yourself or how to forgive a loved one?
- 3 How to prevent and how to solve the problem intelligently?
- 4 For desperate and hotheads
Betrayal of betrayal of strife
Before you start looking for a solution, it is worth understanding the very essence of the problem. The betrayal of a man or woman, as well as his perception, can take many forms. To be honest, not all actions taken by one of the partners in an extremely harsh form are so scary.
A far-fetched reason. If you remain faithful to honesty, then there is no doubt that a person can be written as a traitor for a completely useless reason, when the main goal is to attract attention to oneself and in the future to build a system of manipulation. And you shouldn't be surprised to "clap your eyes" and indignantly ask "how can you think so?" Some people are surprisingly cunning and know how to deftly pull off a little intrigue, in their opinion, for the sake of the family. But just don't forget where the road paved with good intentions leads.
Ideological differences. In some couples, a situation may occur when people who converged at one time on the basis of the same or similar worldview. Over time, and this is no secret, people change - and therefore one of the partners who changed the “camp” can involuntarily inflict a serious offense on the other half, who, if the commitment to the idea is still strong, will perceive such a step solely as a betrayal.
The word is not a knife, but it cuts. A certain category of people does not accept some words, as a rule, of an offensive or caustic sense, even spoken in jest. As a result, an inaccurately expressed opinion, an insult or a phrase is perceived as a serious offense, which is felt the more acutely the closer people are to each other.
Emotional and sensual affairs. Not necessarily, by the way, that they will lead to treason, but the “owners” even a kiss on the cheek can be taken as an act of betrayal. This also includes "drunken adventures", when, in the heat of alcoholic binge, a person shows too unequivocal signs of attention to another (up to the beginning of the foreplay, even if she has not turned into sex), as well as simply behaves too affectionately with someone else, which in the eyes of a "devotee" looks like something more than companionship.
Treason. Actually, the very essence of betrayal, as it might seem at first glance. But do not rush to conclusions, because everything always depends on the circumstances. Some couples do not consider treason to go to courtesans or gigolos, while others do not make any distinction and any sexual act “on the side” is perceived solely as vile betrayal.
The question of how to forgive treason is discussed in the article.
Defeating yourself or how to forgive a loved one? 2
Generally speaking, there is a key point to be identified. Is “loved one” really? Because, as you know, love is blind, and therefore resentment can be attributed to one's own shortcomings and forgiven, without having time to take root in the heart of a devotee.
Nevertheless, if disappointment and a vile feeling of betrayal take place, then, strictly speaking, there are exactly two ways to solve the problem.
The first, surprisingly, is forgiveness. For, as the philosophers said, sincere forgiveness can teach the offender a lesson much better than revenge. After all, a partner who has been caught cheating or otherwise offended is waiting for punishment, censure, revenge, since this is a normal phenomenon for him. Perhaps he is counting on a heavier blow to himself. But not forgiveness.
However, you shouldn't use this part method. In general, forgiveness is a one-off thing, because you can “turn the other cheek” only once, and then these cheeks will run out. For forgiveness, given constantly, creates the illusion of permissiveness and impunity, with all the ensuing consequences.
The second method, again obvious, is parting. Yes, no doubt it will bring heartache. But it will be the same plan as the pain of a fresh cut - it will hurt, but gradually subside, and the wound will heal. In most cases, I must say, this is the best option, especially if the offense was inflicted deliberately.
How to prevent and how to solve the problem intelligently? 3
In fact, if both partners have their heads on their shoulders, then the overwhelming majority of all conflict situations are resolved "at the negotiating table", while, as a rule, long before they rise to their full height.
Generally speaking, even after the accomplishment, a reasonable solution would be not to lock yourself in on your own sufferings, but a small scene with a couple of broken plates (to let off steam) and the subsequent dialogue, during which the offended person needs not only to take himself in hand, but also to take the initiative, identify the reasons that prompted the partner to betray, his motivation.
Not only will such a change in behavior drive the abuser into a stupor, but it will also allow a few quickly and sharply asked questions to get a certain minimum level of information. The essence of the method lies in the fact that a betrayer, “unsettled” by behavior that is radically different from the expected one, will simply “on autopilot” answer the truth or something as close as possible to it.
For desperate and hotheads 4
But how to forgive a loved one if nothing helps? What if the situation, sorry, is like a cat and sausages in a puddle - it's disgusting to eat, and it's a pity to throw it away? Here, in fact, it remains only to try to forget and reconcile. How?
Go headlong into work, bury yourself in household chores, concentrate all tenderness on children or pets, speak out to faithful and trusted friends, just get drunk one (but only once) time, following the traditional Russian way of getting lost in the swagger, driving the suffering as deeply as possible, but perfectly aware that after the party they will return with renewed vigor. In general, in any way to distract yourself and not savor your own feelings of resentment and self-pity - anything like that, but not revenge.
For revenge always strikes more painfully on the one who carries it than on the one at whom it is directed, destroying the very soul of a person, leaving behind not satisfaction, but devastation, with which it is orders of magnitude more difficult to cope.
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