Is It Possible To Communicate With An Ex-girlfriend: The Secrets And Subtleties Of Such A "friendship"

After breaking up, many men continue to be friends with their ex-girlfriend. This topic causes many controversies and controversial opinions. Not only do many believe that there is no friendship at all between a guy and a girl, here the question of friendly relations between former lovers arises. Why men take this step and what it is fraught with, more on that below.

The content of the article

• 1 Should I be friends with an ex-girlfriend?
• 2 Why does a man want to be friends with an ex-girlfriend?
• 3 Cons of being friends with an ex-girlfriend
• 4 When to fear the friendship of your beloved with an ex?
• 5 The opinion of psychologists about the communication of men with their ex-girlfriends: is this behavior normal?
• 6 What do men themselves say about communicating with their ex?

Should you be friends with your ex? I

After parting, young people often remain friends. Regardless of who initiated the breakup, if it happened relatively peacefully, then former partners often consider the option of friendly communication. The guy can leave the girl some consolation with the help of friendship, or he really perceives her as a friend and advisor.

Or the girl insists on friendship. In an effort to maintain at least some kind of connection with a loved one. But the question arises: what does such a friendship give? It implies support and mutual assistance, trust. That is, the guy will know about the new relationship of his former passion, will have to fly to the other side of the city to comfort her.

It is not known how his new girlfriend or wife will react to this friendship with the ex, because women are extremely jealous and do not tolerate competition even in the face of their friends. On the other hand, by remaining a friend, the guy seems to leave the girl with hope, even if he himself does not plan anything with her anymore. Not the most honest thing to do, is it.

If neither the boyfriend nor the girl finds a new mate (and even if they do), they often engage in sexual relations "out of friendship." They differ from relationships "for love" in that you can sleep and not be responsible, "we are just friends."

However, it happens that a guy is friends with his ex, and she really becomes his best friend, understands and supports him, so she already knows his character and inner world well. Yes, there is such a friendship, sincere and not vulgar. But it is rare. Therefore, on the basis of all that has been said, we can conclude that the guy himself makes the decision about friendship or termination of all communication with an ex-girlfriend. It all depends on his personal moral qualities.

Why does a man want to be friends with an ex-girlfriend? 2

In different situations, the reasons for men who have maintained friendly relations with their ex differ.

The first reason for maintaining good relationships is having children together. Communicating with children, a man will also see their mother, and, accordingly, communicate with her, resolve any issues regarding the upbringing of common children

• Happy moments. Yes, men perfectly remember all the most pleasant things associated with a particular girl. And at least just communication with her for a short time takes him to those happy moments, allows him to refresh memories and emotions.
• Tips. That girl already knows him well enough, so even with a new relationship, a man can turn to his ex for advice. Most likely, he really trusts her.
• Common interests, hobbies or work. If there are no people among his entourage who are ready to share his hobby, or his new beloved is not interested at all in this side of a man's life, then he will choose as an interlocutor the one with whom he parted, but who is aware of his hobbies, work and is ready to discuss it.
• Sincere feelings. This is probably in the case when the girl insisted on breaking up, and the guy really loves her, therefore he is trying to maintain at least some kind of connecting thread. This communication is fraught with the fact that the girl, knowing about his feelings, can manipulate the man. Therefore, we recommend reading our next article on ways to get your ex-girlfriend back.
• Self-interest. If the girl with whom the man broke up is smart, wealthy, or has connections, for selfish motives, he can maintain a good or neutral relationship in the event that he needs her help. Of course, such an act does not paint a man, but it takes place in the modern world.

Sex. An intimate relationship at any time "out of friendship" is something that almost no man will refuse. And even a new relationship will not save him if you want to re-experience those feelings and repeat those affection. A man is not always looking for something "fresh", sometimes he is drawn to the past

Cons of being friends with an ex-girlfriend3

With the pluses, everything is clear. In general, they are almost identical to the above reasons and refer not only to men, but also partly to women. Women, however, are more emotional and perceive things somewhat differently. There are a number of shortcomings in the friendship between the former, which also affect both partners.

If any of them have feelings, then just friendly communication will be a constant torture for the lover, especially since he will see a cool attitude towards himself from the other. Or he will bother him with his feelings. Such a friendship will only bring suffering, and it is better to end it immediately

• Friendships like these can get in the way of new feelings. No, feelings will arise, but hardly anyone will like (and especially for girls) that a loved one paid attention to the former (ex).
• Here there is a danger of awakening old feelings and destroying a new pair. Jealousy, mistrust, misunderstanding arise between lovers, which does not develop in the best way on the situation between them.

If the friendship is still successful, another unpleasant situation may arise: it will not be possible to discuss your personal life, because this will provoke jealousy

New betrayal. Talked, talked, and then - ignore. It hurts and hurts again. The friendship also ended. Is it worth it?

When to fear your lover's friendship with your ex?

If your friendship with your ex does not go beyond the bounds of decency, you don't have to worry. In fact, it would be nice to get to know her herself, to learn a little, but not to get closer.

However, there are times when such communication goes beyond what is permissible. Girls need to start worrying in several ways:

• The young man began to hide (or initially, and then the truth was revealed) his communication with the girl with whom he broke up. Some kind of constant calls, SMS, meetings. He does not want to talk on this topic, he remains silent.
• And he does not want to explain anything or is deceiving - in this case the matter is unclean. And either there really is help in solving problems, or it's time to leave this man.

• Another situation. The man has no secrets from his beloved, he does not hide communication with former girls (girl), perhaps two women even know each other. However, a man makes a choice in favor of a friend, abandons his affairs for the sake of meeting or fulfilling her requests, puts his beloved on the sidelines, can sacrifice a lot for the sake of friendship, without sacrificing the same for love.
• Comparisons. Comparisons are possible without friendship with the ex. A man constantly compares his beloved and his ex, praises the dignity of the latter, constantly sets her up as an example. Or, on the contrary, he constantly scolds the ex and praises his current girlfriend. Neither option is in principle unacceptable.
• He considers his past ideal, constantly recalls it.

Idealizes the past and constantly repeats about it. It would seem that there is nothing wrong with harmless memories. However, it is not. First, he will idealize his past life, then he will remember the pleasant moments of the past “ideal” relationship, then he will want to return to that happy time, and, possibly, to that girl … Especially if he already communicates with her.

They may have common memories of the time spent together, just communication turn into frank conversations. All senses can return. And in this case, close to treason.

In fact, the past is the past, no matter how good it may be. However, it can destroy any relationship and even a family. It is imperative to immediately clarify the situation and talk to your loved one so that there are no omissions.

• Constant nervousness, withdrawal or aggressiveness. And any drastic changes in the mental state of a man. When observing such an unusual state, it is better to immediately talk to your young man, find out the reason.
• And if the reason lies in his ex, here you need to make a decision: either return to her, if feelings remain, then the girl must let him go, because she will not be happy with him anyway. Either forget the past and build a new life and new relationships, take care of your woman. And this choice will be for the man. Tantrums and scandals will not solve anything.

The opinion of psychologists about how men communicate with their ex-girlfriends: is this behavior normal? 5

Research by South Florida scientists has shown that most men who insist on companionship see a girl as a backup in case of failure and loneliness.

According to experts, you need to be careful with those who insist on maintaining friendly relations after a breakup, especially if a person arises to maintain not just friendship, but also a sexual relationship.

And men are quite happy with this option: if there is no permanent girlfriend, you can spend the night with your ex. True, he thus leaves her hope, which negatively affects the mental state of the girl. She will continue to love and wait without trying to arrange her life.

If a man himself still loves a girl and insists on communication, he does not give not only himself, but also her the opportunity for a new happy relationship. In addition, psychologists believe that such a connection poses a threat to a new relationship or family, gives rise to jealousy on both sides.

Therefore, even with all the visible advantages of communication between men and ex-girls, psychologists recommend avoiding such relationships, so as not to injure anyone's soul, not to destroy families, in order to give everyone the opportunity to realize themselves.

Friendship after parting can harm both the girl and the youngest person. And even if someone from your acquaintances has a similar experience, you should not immediately repeat it on yourself.

What do men themselves say about communicating with their ex? 6

It is interesting to know the opinion of men about friendship and sex with their ex (opinions were obtained on forums and based on the results of a survey).

As you can see, even among men, there are mixed opinions on this matter. For some, friendship-based sex is the norm, but for others, cafes and phone calls are wild. What to do in this case, each man decides for himself. In any case, friendship between the former exists, but it is not always justified and does not always bear good fruit, most often it ends in new pain, new wounds.

And in conclusion, it will be informative for you to read our article on how to throw a girl correctly.