Table of contents:
- Social exchange theoryi
- Find out what you want2
- The best way to define your values3
- Think about what you will give in return 4
- Consider the preferences of the segment of interest5
- Know Your Dating Market 6
Video: The Economy Of Love: Miscalculating Relationships On First Dates
What is better on first dates - "being yourself", or trying to surpass yourself and impress a potential partner? Among psychologists, the debate on this topic does not subside until now. On the one hand, each of us wants acceptance from other members of society; but on the other hand, the rule of first impression cannot be canceled either. If you show up for a date in a suit with holes and a "nest" on your head, it is unlikely that a new acquaintance will be happy to see us as we are.
The content of the article
- 1 Social exchange theory
- 2 Find out what you want
- 3 The best way to define your values
- 4 Think about what you will give in return
- 5 Consider the preferences of the segment of interest
- 6 Know your "dating market"
Social exchange theoryi
Psychologist and sexologist Jeremy Nicholson believes that the so-called theory of social exchange plays a fundamental role in this regard. “According to her, we all build our social ties, relying on several positions,” explains Jeremy, and then lists these aspects.
- Cost-benefit ratio is a balance of what a person puts into a relationship and what he gets from it.
- The level of satisfaction - how the relationship coincides with our ideas about how the social connection between people should be built.
- Dependence level. Here lies the possibility of improving relations with a partner - the more dependence they have, the more positive corrections you can introduce into your own behavior.
“In this way, we form relationships with people who give us as much as we give them,” explains Nicholson. “But it is important to understand that our partner also has some of his own ideas about the ideal connection. And unconsciously he makes exactly the same calculations in terms of us. When the relationship suits both partners, they stay together. If one does not like something, the connection ends."
Based on the theory of social exchange, Jeremy offers some tips for a successful dating.
Find out what you want2
“It all starts with you,” emphasizes the sexologist. “Many people are overly engrossed in the so-called 'search for love' and the desire to please a new partner. And they forget about their own needs. Think about how you would like your relationship to be. How should your partner behave towards you? All this needs to be thought out in advance."
The best way to define your values3
“Unfortunately, many people do not know what they want all their lives,” Nicholson laments. “For example, young girls are eager to get married; however, what kind of life they would like with a man, they themselves do not realize. And that's the whole trouble."
“The fact is that we very rarely take control of life.
Think about what you will give in return 4
Nothing in this world is given for free - and romantic relationships in this regard are no exception. “How should you think about what you are able to offer a new partner? Would a person like him agree to date someone like you? Sometimes you need to soberly assess your capabilities. For example, a man in years may consider himself the standard of attractiveness, but a young girl is unlikely to agree with this, and no professional achievements will seduce her."
“Of course, it’s best to pay attention to your strengths and positive qualities. But you must always have a clear idea of what specific benefit the new partner will receive if they choose you."
Consider the preferences of the segment of interest5
“Yes, market terminology is most relevant here,” says Jeremy. “You need to understand what 'they' want. Here, by the way, specifics are very important - you should not just correlate knowledge about men or women in general, but take into account the needs of the people you are interested in. For example, you would like to have a cheerful and sociable woman nearby. Can you create all the conditions for her to hold weekly parties at your home? If not, then perhaps you should pay attention to the less sociable ladies."
Know Your Dating Market 6
“Think about the kind of people you could do a good deal with. Maybe the people you are now meeting simply cannot make you happy? Or are your expectations far from reality? Maybe you should try to make an acquaintance in another group of people, in a different place - or even after a certain time?"
So, you can end the endless debate about how to make the right choice on first dates. What matters is what you want; as well as those that your new acquaintances want. The deal must be fair - only then will both parties be happy.