Reasons People Avoid Relationships: What To Do?

There are more and more opportunities to get to know each other, and there are fewer and fewer people willing to use these opportunities. Why have modern people started to avoid serious relationships and fear them like fire? Fears and complexes or life circumstances prevent singles from finding each other and building a happy relationship?

The content of the article

• 1 Bad experience
• 2 Psychology
• 3 What to do?
• 4 Films on the topic

Bad experience

Unfortunately, we do not have statistical data, but we are more than sure that a million or two hearts are broken on our planet every day. And not every victim succeeds in subsequently building a happy relationship with such baggage.

The first reason - feelings have not cooled down yet. In this case, the search for new novels really smells of meaninglessness - casual sex with a person who is indifferent to you will not fill the void in your soul. But it can drive you into depression. If you are avoiding relationships because you have not yet recovered from old ones, start solving problems as they arise

That is, deal with your ex. Have a heart-to-heart talk, disperse peacefully, or express everything that has boiled over - the conflict must be settled, and an end must be put in the relationship.

The second reason - the previous partner keeps you, as they say, "on a short leash." You seem to have parted, but it seems not. You continue to flirt with each other, periodically find yourself in the same bed and introduce all your friends into a slight bewilderment with your relationship

It's time to take a critical look at your union and decide for yourself whether such a "swing" suits you - today your partner goes on a date, and tomorrow he writes to you and invites you to spend the night together. Such obscurantism does not allow you to let go of the past and move forward. And the constant replenishment of feelings does not allow you to stop loving your ex. See paragraph above.

The third reason is killed self-esteem. Being abandoned is pretty unpleasant. And if you were dumped for the sake of someone who is prettier, sexier, more successful and richer than you, you get a big blow to your vanity. To begin with, stop comparing yourself to your opponent (rival) and focus on your positive qualities. On those with whom you once conquered your former love

Don't be jealous of your ex's new girlfriend or new boyfriend. In no case do not take revenge on either your partner or his passion. Sincerely wish them good luck, forgive and let go in peace. Take care of yourself - your appearance, education, career, etc. But! Improve for yourself, not for revenge.

If you lose weight / get fat / get a second degree / travel, etc. not for your own sake, but for the sake of beautiful photos and reactions from the former object of passion, disappointment, anger and emptiness will inevitably await you. The yoga mat will be on the balcony, the cubes will grow, and vacation photos will cease to please.

Psychology2

I don't really want

Not all of those sufferers who wring their hands and complain about their loneliness really suffer from this loneliness. It's just that all friends and acquaintances either in pairs, or suffer from the fact that they have no one to congratulate on Valentine's Day and post a couple of cute photos on Instagram.

And you yourself begin to think: "Why am I not suffering?" It's embarrassing to somehow fight off the team. You should have suffered too. How else to support the conversation? Talk about how great it is to travel alone and enjoy my personal space, walking around the house naked? They won't understand. Since I am without a relationship, it means that I must be unhappy and be in an active search.

No, you shouldn't. Answer yourself honestly - do you really need a pair? If the answer is yes, you can feel free to join either the community of happy lovers, or join a group of melancholic singles.

If you feel good alone, stop deceiving yourself, cut back on your whiners and enjoy life. And then you will meet the same independent and freedom-loving person and you can enjoy life together. For now, you just don't need it.

Laziness

You are just too lazy to try. Build relationships, share your home and free time with someone, and even just leave the house - you want a relationship, but not enough to get off the couch and start doing something. You avoid relationships because you are not willing to invest in them.

If at the moment you are overwhelmed with work, family conflicts and other problems, it is not surprising that you do not have enough energy for your personal life. Deal with other areas of your life before taking on the lazy creeps towards love affairs.

Bad example

If a child has watched his parents suffer throughout his childhood, fear of marriage, serious relationships and relationships in general can take root in him. If this is your situation, there is one fact that you need to understand: you are not responsible for your parents' mistakes.

But it's still worth talking to them heart to heart - if you have unspoken grievances and complaints, express them in a mild form. Ask your parents how their relationship has developed. For what reason they tried to preserve the marriage, which literally crumbled before our eyes.

Forgive your parents, stop blaming them for the fact that the scenes you saw in childhood poison your life in adulthood.

Pay your attention to those couples that are the standard of relationships for you. No matter how ideal they seem to you, they also manage to quarrel. And some of those couples that seem harmonious and happy to you have been on the verge of divorce or parting more than once or twice.

Interpersonal relationships are always work. But no one requires you to perform it perfectly.

Try not to make mistakes of your parents, do not take their luggage with you into adulthood. These are their mistakes, their experience. But you have the right to have a happy family for yourself and for your future children.

Do not deserve

Many guys and girls deliberately avoid relationships because they consider themselves unworthy of love. There are several reasons for this.

First, a difficult childhood. Fearing to spoil the child, some moms and dads try to bring up the child in tight-knit gloves. There are no manifestations of sentimentality, warm words or compliments - a child who, in childhood, received less love, often either tries to fill the void with chaotic connections, or completely closes off any relationship.

Friendly pats on the shoulder and even attention from people of the opposite sex either have no effect or cause fear and mistrust. You can't do without an intelligent psychologist.

Fear to open up

Fear of opening your soul and body, trusting another person, exposing your complexes and fears. This is especially true for those who are not used to flaunting their feelings, prefer not to talk about their problems and worries, and more than anything else they are afraid to seem weak. This problem is familiar to both guys and girls.

If one day the guy decided to confess his feelings, but was refused, he once again becomes convinced that feelings are the lot of the weak, he closes himself off from the whole world and begins to pretend to be a cynic to whom romantic moods are alien. If a guy or a girl does not have any relationship experience at all, then the fear of being misunderstood is added to the fear of opening up - it is too scary to admit that you are inexperienced and pure.

There are several options here:

One day our loner will understand that he is tired of living in fear, will step over himself and go into the gap, enjoy all the joys of life. Happy end

• Love will come into the life of a loner, and fears and complexes will disappear along with clothes. Happy ending again!
• A loner never dares to change anything in his life and gets so used to loneliness that he can no longer cope without the help of a specialist.

In this case, the person's environment plays an important role - active and sociable friends will either introduce their humble friend to someone, taking his personal life into their own hands, or ultimately inspire him to leave his comfort zone.

If the environment matches him, then the person's motivation will most likely not change anything.

What to do? 3

Get determined and see a psychologist. A competent specialist will help bring all your fears to the surface, make you chew them up and spit them out

The choice of a psychologist will have to be approached wisely. If your friends or good acquaintances can help you and give you contacts of a proven soul savior, accept their help. Everyone else will have to go blind.

It is possible that you will have to change several psychologists before you find what is right for you. Remember that a good professional will never discuss with you colleagues or patients, make value judgments, or pressure you.

Get out of the house more often. The advice is banal, but effective. First, you have more acquaintances, which means more chances of meeting the person you need. Secondly, if you are experiencing difficulties in communication, you need to get used to being in the company of people, to stop feeling uncomfortable every time you find yourself among strangers

Stop hanging out with people who make you feel like nothing. Friendly jokes and jokes should amuse both parties. If your friends systematically poison your mood and destroy your self-esteem, it's time to change your social circle

Do not hope that the relationship will solve your problems and your life will suddenly shine brightly. Learn to enjoy life and love yourself. Only then will you be ready to build relationships and be happy in them

Expand the boundaries of your comfort zone. Get rid of unnecessary fears, saturate with bright, new emotions, set goals and achieve them. New acquaintances, the return of taste for life, an increase in self-esteem and just a bunch of new experiences are the "side effects" that are provided to you

Films on the topic4

Always Say Yes (2008)

A high-quality comedy about how too long a stay in the swamp of melancholy and despondency does not lead to anything good. But a sharp exit from your comfort zone can not only return the desire to enjoy life, but also open your heart to new relationships. Jim Carrey and Zooey Deschanel will teach you to forget your ex and be sincerely happy for them, open up to change and love. They will also teach you how to communicate with strange people.

If you are mired in an abyss of depression, do not see the meaning in life, or cannot forget your past love, turn on this film.

500 days of summer (2009)

Both main characters of the picture deserve attention. The hero of Joseph Gordon-Levitt believed that he was not able to be happy until he found love. The heroine Zooey Deschanel avoided serious relationships for a long time, broke the heart of her boyfriend, and then … happily married.

“You didn't want to be someone’s girlfriend, and now you’re someone’s wife.”

- I'm surprised myself.

- I can hardly understand it. All this is somehow meaningless.

- Well, it just so happened.

- So, no, I don't understand. What happened just like that?

- Once, I woke up and realized that I knew.

- You know?

- Something that I probably didn't know about you.

By the way, the film is not devoid of romance, although at the beginning we are warned that "this is not a love story, this is a story about love."