Table of contents:
- Your right "to the left" i
- How to keep feelings "in captivity" 2
- Re-evaluating feelings3
- Two on a "shaky bridge" 4
Video: Psychologist's Opinion About The Expression "a Good Leftist Strengthens Marriage" And Is It So
Most likely, you, like most people in our society, consider betrayal to be immoral, understanding the mental pain it can cause. But your marriage has long turned into a routine, monotonously changing, monotonous days. Passion and romantic aspirations seem like a long forgotten dream. You are waiting for something special, but you cannot understand what exactly.
The content of the article
- 1 Your right "to the left"
- 2 How to keep feelings "in captivity"
- 3 Re-evaluating feelings
- 4 Two on a "shaky bridge"
And suddenly, someone, not your married half, makes you feel again how life pulsates with invigorating power. You discover a new sexuality in yourself that you may never have known about. Sacred vows, obligations of monogamous relationships and sexual fidelity fade into the background, although they continue to remind of themselves in a whisper of a restless conscience. But just one idea to give up this sweet deception plunges you into joyless despondency.
Can cheating have any beneficial effect on family relationships? This article is not an excuse to cheat, but another attempt to understand adultery.
Your right "to the left" i
The renowned Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel, who was named the number one expert on sexual relations in the world by the New York Times, has spent thirty years exploring the contradictions between safety and the need for freedom in couples' relationships.
In her many years of practice, she has repeatedly observed the chaos that infidelity brought to married life, but also witnessed the flowering of new feelings and mutual understanding between partners after the disclosure of an intimate adventure. In his bestselling books, Perel explains that cheating on one of the spouses often accompanies an emotional reunion that couples haven't had in years.
When asked during an interview with Esther Perel if she really justifies adultery, the therapist replies in the affirmative, albeit with a great deal of regret. However, she advises against resorting to such deception as a deliberate means of restoring lost intimacy with a partner: “I believe that from the crisis that follows the exposed adultery, something good can come for a couple who is fighting for their union.
But I would not recommend anyone to have an affair on the side, as I would not wish to get cancer. After this seemingly incurable disease, many people also have a positive experience of recovery, but it is too much suffering and painful."
How to keep feelings "in captivity" 2
The paradoxical growth of affection and intimacy, after the fact of betrayal of one of the partners is revealed, is noted by many psychologists. Belle De Jour author and sexual scientist Dr. Brooke Magnanti notes: “Cheating can help in relationships if it leads to more honest communication. Sometimes infidelity is a cry for help and a symptom of a deeper problem. When both partners seek to resolve this situation, then the relationship can really be strengthened."
Clifford Lazarus, PhD in Psychology and author of the popular book 101 Strategies for Staying Sane in a Crazy World, says, “Cheating works the same way as a non-fatal heart attack, which can improve heart health because it forces you to quit bad habits. and change your lifestyle.
But in order to get well, you need to work with the personal and family problems that led to the infidelity. In order to achieve improved family health and sexual satisfaction during the painful period after the affair, you will most likely need to seek the help of a family therapist who can help you sort out all the lines of your relationship.
After discovering a love affair, a couple often discovers a level of depth, honesty and openness in conversations with each other that they have not had for years, and perhaps never. It also becomes a kind of switch of erotic intimacy, when the desire between partners flares up with renewed vigor. “This is a reappraisal of the situation when people became alienated and lost connection between each other. The fear of losing everything they have created sometimes brings a level of intensity in communication that they have not experienced for a long time,”says Esther Perel.
Your life together probably needed some kind of dramatic shake-up to spice up the relationship. But recovering from infidelity is a long and stressful process. During it, both the guilty and the injured party experience emotional exhaustion and emptiness, feelings that should not be aggravated by mutual reproaches and grievances.
Two on a "shaky bridge" 4
The other side of a love affair: you must be prepared for the fact that it can lead to the complete collapse of your family. An Indiana University study found that a long-term relationship with a lover often translates into an emotional connection and a sense of spiritual closeness. This is essentially the beginning of the end of your marriage.
As for the increased sexual desire on the side, many take the risk of being exposed for it, which makes the sensations especially acute. Psychologists call this phenomenon "Shaky Bridge". You can think of yourself as in love when you actually mistake adrenaline for feelings. In addition, not all people are able to forgive treason, even in a single case. And when it comes to multiple trips "to the left", even the most experienced psychologist is unlikely to help preserve your marriage.