Table of contents:
- Forgive or not? That is the question
- When is it worth breaking off a relationship for sure?
- Survival guide or how to live after cheating3
- Film example: life after cheating in films4
Video: Psychologists Give Advice On How To Live On After Infidelity
Regardless of gender, age and social status, the discovered fact of betrayal hurts our pride. We feel cheated, hurt, and alone. How to cope with such a set of negative emotions and get out of the situation with minimal losses?
The content of the article
- 1 Forgive or not? That's the question
- 2 When is it worth breaking off the relationship?
- 3 Survival guide or how to live after betrayal
- 4 Film example: life after cheating in films
How to live after treason and not be afraid that you will be stabbed in the back again, so to speak?
Forgive or not? That is the question
Is it possible to save a relationship in which one of the partners cheated?
Is it really necessary?
You'd be surprised if you find out how many seemingly happy couples have gone through in their life together, sorry, shit.
And if some of your married acquaintances are ready to dump all the details of their personal life on you every day, others behave in such a way that they can be sent to intelligence - no amount of torture will force them to utter a word.
It seems to us that something is wrong only with us and our relationship, while the rest have a full cup of home, they bought a new car, and went on a trip, and they post tons of cute photos on Instagram.
Have you ever held embroidery with threads in your hands? On the front side, you see a pretty cute pony, and as soon as you look at the inside of the picture, some strange multi-colored mess of tangled threads appears before your eyes.
It's the same with relationships.
Celebrities, friends and even close relatives - you don't even know what secrets can be kept in this or that family with seven seals.
Millions of women and men around the world have at least once faced the betrayal of a loved one. And while one half was throwing the things of former love out the window, the other was simply demonstrating Christian forgiveness and accepting the prodigal partner back.
In what situations does forgiveness make sense?
- If you really value the relationship. Both. If your partner is ready to break into a cake to earn forgiveness. But remember: upon learning that your boyfriend or your girlfriend cheated on you, you have every right to end the relationship. And no one can take this right away from you.
- If you have agreed in advance that you are entering into a so-called "open marriage". That is, if at the initial stage of the relationship you agreed that you are not against sex on the side. This type of relationship is gaining momentum all over the world, including among our compatriots. But not everyone is mentally ready for such an alliance.
If you have forgiven and are ready to accept your partner back, and the only thing that stops you is public opinion. Ultimately, you will have to live with this person, and not with society and its opinion
When is it worth breaking off a relationship for sure?
- The partner does not admit his guilt, although you literally caught his hand (well, or another part of the body). You are ready for a frank conversation, but your partner avoids the conversation in every possible way, laughs it off or snaps and plays theatrical performances in the spirit of "How can you not trust me ?!"
- The partner confessed to what he had done, but does not feel guilty. He blames you for what happened (you are doing your marital duties poorly, "brainwash", do not pay attention, etc.) and does not intend to apologize. Whatever the reasons for the betrayal, the fact of betrayal is obvious.
- You have a different view of relationships. If your partner relies on his penchant for polygamy and insists that an open relationship is cool, and you want standard relationships and nights in an embrace, you are clearly not on the way. It is worth finding the strength and parting.
- If you clearly understand that you can never forgive betrayal. If irritation builds up, resentment grows and trust and sexual attraction to your partner disappear, there is no point in trying to maintain the relationship. What is dead cannot die. But it can lead to a nervous breakdown.
- If you want to save your marriage for someone else - for the peace of mind of your parents or for the sake of your children Children are very sensitive to what is happening. Negativity, anger and irritation that permeate the air will affect children much worse than a calm break in relations between parents. And your mom and dad would probably like you to be happy - not with this partner, but with another. If your parents are worried about your reputation and the appearance of your family is more important to them, then you should do the same as with public opinion - smile politely, take leave and do it your own way.
Survival guide or how to live after cheating3
Treason happened. The choice has been made. How to live after infidelity now? More precisely, how to survive?
- In no case should you attribute the negative qualities that your partner possessed to the entire opposite sex. If on your life path only mercantile bitches or selfish manipulators have come across, then you are on the wrong path. Don't let harmful attitudes snuggle up in your head. If feelings of mistrust and fear of a relationship don't go away on their own, see a psychologist. Until you work through your psychological issues, no amount of external stimulus like losing weight or promoting at work will help you build a new and happy relationship.
- Close the gestalt. If you don't understand why your partner did this, call him in for a frank conversation. If you think day and night about those curses and offensive things that you want to express to him, write him a letter. In it, write inside and out, what a terrible person he is and where you want him to go as soon as possible. Spill out on paper (this is important!) All your feelings and emotions, absolutely not embarrassed in expressions. And then burn this paper. But not together with the traitor's apartment (this is important!). This psychological practice will allow you to release negative emotions so that you do not regret it later. Of course, you can send the letter directly to the addressee. But later, when the storm of feelings in your heart subsides, you may regret it a lot.
Do not intrude and leave your ex alone. It works both ways - if you change, allow your partner to digest the situation and be alone with their thoughts. He has every right to do so. You cannot force him to forgive yourself. Even if you receive the cherished "I forgive you", do not expect that what is said will correspond to reality: forgiveness is not something that is done at the snap of your fingers. This is a long process that requires a person to consider the situation from different angles
If you are a cheated party, then communication with an ex-man or ex-girlfriend is contraindicated for you. In your head now, in the words of the group "Spleen", "and so a mess." Find the strength for a one-on-one conversation, ask all the questions that interest you, and then limit your communication.
Be careful when discussing conflict with your mutual friends and acquaintances. If you complain to an ex-boyfriend's best friend about him and throw mud at him, rest assured that it will somehow reach a man's ears. The same is the case with ex-girlfriend's best friends and friends. If you intend to rebuild the relationship, such verbal attacks can significantly reduce your chances of rekindling the union. And besides, you can lose friends too
Revenge will not help you fill your feelings of emptiness. Remember this. Neither we nor your friends can forbid you to plunge into the abyss of casual sex. But we can warn you: even being in a more or less stable psychological state, not every person can cope with the feeling of emptiness arising from an endless series of alcohol parties and one-day relationships. If you are moving by leaps and bounds towards depression and emotional exhaustion, this method of brightening up loneliness can seriously harm you
Revenge is not satisfying. It does not heal wounds, erase past grievances, or piece together your fragile ego.
This should be remembered.
Listen to the opinions of people you really trust, but don't take their advice as a direct guide to action. If you need a sober look from the outside, turn to a friend who has watched all the stages of your relationship - from the first kiss and first sex to exposing cheating and smashing dishes. We forget the old grievances inflicted on us by a loved one, we justify him and try to cover his shortcomings with his own merits. But our faithful friends remember how they rushed to us in the middle of the night to pick up from the bar or to take the duvet cover from our hands, which had turned into a handkerchief. They remember every rude word and every cruel deed committed by our other half. Their minds are not clouded by subsequently presented bouquets of flowers, hot sexual reconciliations or delicious dinners.Sometimes, such a stern, critical look can help you get a healthy perspective. Agree that no beautiful words and romantic evenings can overshadow assault or serious lies
Learn to let go. It often happens that your partner has been going his own way for a long time, and you cannot build a new relationship because there is a glimmer of hope in your soul for the restoration of the romance. You perceive innocent congratulations on the holiday or jokes among friends as flirting - "he (she) definitely wants me back!"
It is not uncommon for a former partner to deliberately stir up interest in his person - he likes your adoration and puppy loyalty. The ex-man / ex-girlfriend is terribly flattered by the fact that you are still lonely and answer every message with lightning speed.
Return from heaven to earth.
The relationship is over.
Stop killing yourself about relationships that don't exist. Stop fantasizing and holding on to the person who doesn't need you. You need to completely distance yourself from your ex and let them go. You don't have to block it on social media. It is enough to stop monitoring its activity. Don't look at pictures of him or try to figure out what kind of relationship he or she is in with the person who left the comment. Throw away things that remind you of this person. Do not try to constantly translate the topic of conversation to your ex / ex, trying to find out what is going on in his / her personal life.
You cannot let the person go as long as you hope to bring him back. Accept that this person is no longer a part of your life. Do not scold yourself for thinking about him, but do not encourage your own fantasies.
- Do not seek to immediately enter into a new relationship in order to prove something to someone. Take time out. Take care of yourself, your appearance and psychological health.
- Stop doing anything to "rub your nose" with your ex. If you are successful at losing weight or at work just to show off in front of an ex-love, you most likely will not get satisfaction. You won't get the response from your partner that you hoped for. And here the most ingenious thing happens - we are offended that the other person does not correspond to our fantasies about how he should feel.
Film example: life after cheating in films4
How to live after infidelity? Can she change your life for the better and draw your attention to the person who suits you much better?
The series "Friends", a couple of Rachel Green and Ross Geller
Everything was rather ambiguous for this sweet couple. As a result, Ross justified his betrayal by saying that they "had a break." "We were on a break!" - this phrase has become one of the most legendary in the series. In general, although the series is primarily a comedy, and the episodes in it last less than half an hour, in fact it considers a bunch of very serious problems that people face. And all this is served under a cheerful sauce.
Bridget Jones's Diary by Bridget Jones and Daniel
If psychologists wrote out recipes for women's broken hearts, there would certainly be a box of pizza, a bucket of chocolate ice cream, a bottle of wine and a movie about an overweight loser. In the first part of the well-known trilogy, we will learn how to survive betrayal, and in the second part, we are clearly shown what pathological jealousy can lead to.
K / f The Diary of Bridget Jones
Last Night in New York
The film is an order of magnitude more serious and heavier than a comedy about a cheerful girl with curvaceous forms. Two couples, one night. Will they resist the temptation, being so far from their partners?
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