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Video: Toxic Relationships Are A One-sided Game. How To Avoid Becoming A Victim?
In toxic relationships, one always suffers, does not manifest himself as a person, wastes all emotional resources and feels devastated. This is a one-sided game, the rules of which are set by the second player. Few are able to get up and leave the field. Such relationships cripple people for a long time.
The content of the article
- 1 Love is a drug
- 2 Leave, you can't stay
- 3 Signs of toxicity
Love is a drug
While musicians romanticize and sing about love, Oxford University scientists who are exploring the neurochemical part of this feeling confidently assure that love is a drug like alcoholism or nicotine abuse.
Excitement, happiness, the desire to constantly be near your beloved, to touch, to change yourself for him - all this is similar to drug addiction.
There is no clear definition yet which form of love should be considered addiction. The researchers split into two camps. Some say that any attachment to another person is a neurochemical addiction, others - that only unhealthy types of relationships cause such an effect.
This, in part, makes it much more difficult to break off a relationship with a toxic partner than a normal one.
Leave, you can't stay2
It is generally accepted that recognizing toxic relationships is easy and simple. One of the partners keeps the other in total control, and his victim is deprived of the opportunity for personal growth, self-development, lacks happy emotions, feels discomfort, chronic stress and apathy. Long-term relationships of this nature can lead a person to a psychotherapist or even lead to suicide.
This description is one of the variants of unhealthy relationships. Much more often, the partner's toxicity is imperceptible, dressed in the form of overprotection. They can be stretched out for a while, while none of the partners will understand what exactly is wrong with them, therefore, there will be no reason for parting.
Signs of toxicity3
If one of the partners for a long time does not experience happiness from the relationship, is stressed and prone to depression, he should ask himself the question: “Is this generally love or addiction?
If the answer is addiction, then the current relationship should be seriously reconsidered. Perhaps it makes sense to quit bad habits.
The partner is putting pressure
There are generally accepted stereotypes. For example, a man should be masculine and a woman feminine. At the same time, the meaning that people put into the words "masculinity" and "femininity" are not only individual for everyone, but are often contradictory. Relationships are toxic, the partner does not accept the other as he is and tries to break him, making him “perfect”.
In the film "The Prestige" the following dialogue often occurred between the hero and his wife:
- Do you love me?
- Not today.
If the partner is not twins living the same life for two, then this dialogue will become commonplace. A stuffy person, sometimes unwillingly, arranges an emotional swing, leading to a breakdown, and immediately after that confessing his love.
The carrot and whip method increases emotional attachment, and the longer a relationship lasts, the harder it will be to end it.
Control = care
A toxic person needs to know exactly who their couple communicates with on social networks, who they call, who they spend time with, and what time they will be at home. At the same time, they have no objective reason for jealousy. They just want to occupy all the personal space of their half, depriving them of personal space and free time. Often, toxic husbands forbid their wives to work, making them not only emotionally, but also financially dependent on them.
This attitude is not jealousy, not caring, and certainly not "cute." Over time, the victim begins to feel like a prison in his own home.
Ridicule and devaluation
In a toxic relationship, the aggressor does not value the victim's achievements, but exposes any shortcomings and oversights to ridicule. The victims themselves often justify them with a peculiar sense of humor, but again this is a manipulation designed to trample the partner's self-esteem, tying him to himself even more.
Building a sense of duty
If the abuser devalues the achievements of the partner, then he will present his own as if he is doing the greatest favor. Over time, his couple will feel indebted not only to him (emotionally, financially and sexually), but to all of his friends and family.
A toxic relationship isn't just between a man and a woman. A very common bond is parents and a child whom they do not want to recognize as an adult and let go of their life.
There are only two ways to break out of this vicious circle. If the abuser realizes that he is behaving incorrectly and wants to change, then you can try to go to a psychologist and work together on problems. If not, then there is only one advice: stop playing with one goal, sincerely believing in love, care, in the fact that a person will understand everything and correct himself. You need to run away from such a relationship, despite all the "buts". However, the help of a specialist will still be required to restore mental balance.