Table of contents:
- Childhood PTSD Syndromei
- Definitive location to satellites2
- Too high requirements3
- Negative footprint from past relationships4
- Low self-esteem5
- Fear of relationships in principle6
- Inability to be yourself7
- Repeating past mistakes8
- It's hard to trust new people9
Video: 9 Reasons Why You Can't Build A Relationship With Your Partner
There are times in life that relationships don't work out well. And, it seems, there are not so few people showing signs of attention, there is a desire. But nothing happens. Sound familiar? If so, then it's worth figuring out why you can't build a relationship.
The content of the article
- 1 Post-traumatic syndrome from childhood
- 2 Categorical location to satellites
- 3 Too high requirements
- 4 Negative footprint from past relationships
- 5 Low self-esteem
- 6 Fear of relationships in principle
- 7 Inability to be yourself
- 8 Repeating past mistakes
- 9 It's hard to trust new people
Many people look for the reason in their partners, not wanting to admit that the reason may lie in themselves. Indeed, how simple everything could be if everything happened "because he / she is like that." But, as a rule, the reason lies precisely in the applicant, since he sets the search parameters, and, perhaps, on a psychological level, he is looking for a deliberately unsuccessful relationship. Many factors can be responsible for this. Here are just a few of them:
Childhood PTSD Syndromei
Psychologists are convinced that childhood experiences greatly influence how a person grows up in the future. It is he who forms the preferences and attachments that everyone tries to satisfy in adulthood.
For those who had a happy childhood with loving parents, a huge number of friends and a lot of adventures, there is nothing to worry about. And people whose childhood was not so smooth will have to spend a lot of time eradicating their own fears and recovering from unsuccessful relationships in order to be able to build strong and healthy relationships in the future.
Some are trying to achieve in a relationship that which was not in childhood. For example, people from inferior families often try to build their own family as quickly as possible, because they feel a great need for male / female attention, which was lacking from their parents. Or, if the child is abused by a father or mother in the family, then as he grows up he will try to escape from the house and live an independent life as quickly as possible. And such people try to build strong relationships as quickly as possible. But the fact is that most often it happens to just anyone. In other words, with the first one who showed attention or has the potential to make up for the absence of something.
This approach to the selection of satellites is simply doomed to failure. It is very rare that a relationship that involved trying to escape from the family, or get rid of childhood traumas, is only an illusion. People want to see a savior in a partner and cherish the hope that he will help them with their psychological problem. But this is just an illusion. In order to succeed in building a relationship, you first need to understand yourself.
Definitive location to satellites2
You shouldn't turn your back on a potential partner just because on the first dates you didn't like something about his behavior. It won't be fair to everyone. Of course, everyone has their own preferences and tastes. But if a person at first sight did not suit him in terms of appearance, habits or character traits, you do not need to immediately give up on him.
Placing a label on a person without giving him a chance to demonstrate his positive traits, people doom themselves to a long search for a soul mate, forgetting that no one is perfect. It is extremely rare that all those qualities that you want to see in a partner can coincide.
Most often it turns out that you need to put up with some shortcomings, or talk about this topic with him. Who knows, maybe the situation can be corrected. And even if not, maybe everything is not so critical? Maybe a person, having a couple of shortcomings, can completely cover them with other positive qualities? Before arguing that it is impossible to build relationships with people, it is worth considering whether they had a chance at all?
Too high requirements3
The future soul mate should be no older than 30 years old, get several higher educations, have their own apartment with a sea view and move around in an expensive foreign car? Maybe you can't build relationships because people who meet the desired high standards simply do not exist at the applicant's level?
Presenting high standards to potential partners, it is worth thinking about the other side of the issue. And what can the applicant's side give? Nothing like this? Then, it is worth moderating the list of requirements, or meeting them.
Negative footprint from past relationships4
It happens that past relationships leave behind a lot of negative things and make it difficult to build new ones. No one wants to get involved with a person fixated only on the negative. In order to build a good relationship, it is better to take the time and think about everything that happened in the past with other partners.
Maybe there are still unresolved situations that should be released. Only there one can hope for a happy future.
How can you love a person enough, if it is difficult to do it even with yourself? It is worth focusing on those aspects that you do not like in your own personality and try to get rid of or accept them. Maybe the reason why it is impossible to build relationships lies precisely in the insufficient assessment of their own strengths and capabilities?
Fear of relationships in principle6
Many people are afraid to build relationships because they do not want to be deprived of their freedom, or because they may miss something really worthy of attention. But it is impossible to live in eternal waiting mode and hopes to meet a prince / princess. Perhaps it is the fear of entering into relationships that prevents them from building.
Inability to be yourself7
Don't be elevated to victim status in every relationship. It is important to understand that the inability to be yourself in a relationship initially puts an end to them. It is not possible to pretend for a long time. And even if so, why? It cannot make anyone happy.
Better to believe that there is a person in the world who will like the real side. Such relationships can receive the status of strong and long-term.
Repeating past mistakes8
It is extremely unreasonable and stupid to transfer mistakes made in past relationships into present ones. After all, it has already happened that because of this the couple broke up. So why reproduce the same thing with another person? There will hardly be a different result. You can't build a relationship without working on mistakes.
It's hard to trust new people9
And this is the most common reason for a failed relationship. It is difficult to open up to a person, fearing that he might hurt. But no good relationship can be built without risk. Maybe it's worth it? It is better to swim in the fountain of love and lose a person afterwards than to experience absolutely nothing.
As much as it hurts, it's worth it. And who said that everything always ends this way? Happy ends exist. The main thing is to believe.