Abusive Relationships: What It Is, Advice On How To Get Out Of It

Abusive relationships … Nice expression, right? But the meaning of the phrase is ugly. Abuse is a form of psychological abuse. In everyday life, such people are called "energy vampires." In fact, the "vampire" is just a pathetic fake of a real abuser. To connect your life with an abuser means to sign your own death warrant morally, and physically too. The abuser resorts to forms of moral violence, which is expressed in constant psychological pressure, public humiliation and insult.

The content of the article

• 1 Abusive relationship: where the legs grow from …
• 2 Signs of an abusive relationship
• 3 Abusive relationships and their types
• 4 Wolf in sheep's clothing
• 5 Psychological trauma of children, if the family has abusive relationships
• 6 Model of behavior of life with an abuser in the family
• 7 Life after "moral death" in abusive relationships

Abusive relationships: where do legs grow from … __8230

As long as humanity exists, so much is the problem of abuse. Historically, a man, as a leader in a family, has always shown a dominant position. And so it happened: the man is in charge, the woman obeys. Any attempt by his wife to argue turned into a flurry of negativity. The people called it "teaching".

The secondary role of women was cultivated from the cradle. Obedience was cultivated under the auspices of obedience, respect for the spouse. But times are changing. Everything has undergone changes: production or even business has been added to borscht. Women can occupy leadership positions on an equal footing, perform actions that were considered exclusively the privilege of men. Women have learned to defend their rights, demand the manifestation of tenderness, love and care. Everything has changed. Only the abuse remained in place. One gets the impression that this phenomenon is absorbed with the mother's milk. And there is no other way, this is the norm!

Often, such a phenomenon as abuse occurs within the family between relatives: parents-children, brothers-sisters. In this case, it will not be possible to escape from violence, but you can try to develop a certain strategy of behavior. As a rule, they start to simply ignore the eternally splashing saliva. Then the abuser simply loses interest.

In most cases, abusive behavior is formed during childhood. Drinking parents, abusive behavior of a father or mother, encouragement of cruelty, violence towards a future abuser.

The abuser spouse is much scarier than just close relatives. It doesn't matter if it's a husband or a wife. The pressure exerted by the other half can bring the victim to a mental disorder. Depression, nervous breakdowns, heart attacks: a far from complete list of diseases that the victim acquires. Women who are at the mercy of the abuser are immediately visible. The spectacle is more than sad: a face without emotions, stoop, there is no style in clothes, and the color scheme is in gray and black tones. Cosmetics - zero, no hairstyles either. At the same time, a woman can be quite young. What's the matter? Why does a young, modern woman look like a slum dweller? It's simple: she is at the mercy of abusive relationships.

Signs of an abusive relationship

Psychologists have identified as many as 20 types of domestic violence. They are collected in three groups: verbal destruction, jealousy, moral pressure.

Verbal destruction is everyone understandable insults that can be expressed publicly. The abuser may not use direct derogatory words. He easily copes with humiliating trolling. And he seems to have insulted, but there is nothing to show. From the outside, it will look like a cruel joke, but the psychotic victim will definitely receive the stigma of a hysterical

Along with the insults, the tyrant can simply arrange a total ignore. This type of psychological violence was considered the most cruel at all times. A home despot can organize a complete ban on contacts, interests, communication. Arrange almost complete isolation from society. The methods he uses are a blow below the belt.

Jealousy. For some reason, jealousy is considered a normal phenomenon in society. Not jealous means not love. The girls even take offense at their boyfriend. Like, how is it: he flirts, and makes eyes of strangers, but this mumbled all the same. So he doesn't care about her essence! Awesome conclusion! It's scary that adult women live with such statements. Moreover, it is absolutely normal for a woman to throw tantrums out of jealousy. But more on that later

Demonstration of superiority. In this type of violence, the victim is taught that her level is below the baseboard. Hands with the wrong end inserted, God knows they are sharpened. Appearance - hug and cry. Familiar remark: "Honey, you're getting fat, take care of yourself!" Moreover, it is said with such an intonation that it becomes unbearably painful. He is Apollo Belvedere. The abuser with great pleasure inflicts physical suffering on animals in front of the victim. He does it in a very sophisticated way: it seems to be playing, but on the other hand, the pet is terrified. Or, for educational purposes, he arranges demonstration performances

Abusive relationships and their types2

In general, there are three types.

• Psychological. Underneath is a powerful pressure from the victim. There is a constant violence of the psyche. It is fraught with psychological trauma, up to hospitalization. Development of severe depression and neurosis is possible. Suicidal attempts are frequent. With such disorders, the help of a specialist is vital.
• Physical. This is a beating. Not necessarily half to death. The abuser can be limited to cuffs, kicks, pokes. The most inadequate can still simply kill.
• Sexual. This is rape. Abuser inclines to sexual intercourse against his will. The worst thing is that the victims of the rapist can be children.

Unfortunately, the victims of the abuser are often silent about their situation. Rarely does anyone dare to wash dirty linen in public. And the society condemns such relations, making its own, truly idiotic verdict "It is my own fault!"

Wolf in sheep's clothing3

It is very difficult to recognize an abuser at the beginning of a relationship. These people know how to hide their identity as long as it suits them.

Of course, there is no need to doubt the adequacy of a person who raised his voice, banged the table, or threw something just because he just broke loose from fatigue. The abusiveness is constant and regular. This is normal inadequate behavior. But while everything is only at the stage of dating under the stars, it is still worth taking a closer look. The things that should alert you are:

• Characteristics of ex-girlfriends. Are your emotions overflowing? Is the story full of mats? Is assault mentioned? And she herself is to blame for everything? Aha … The first sign is on the face. A tick in a personal matter.
• Contempt. Frequent ridicule, sarcasm, eternal teasing, and quite humiliating, and in public, the perfect couple.
• Binding moral and financial debt. These people are driven into moral obligations. The financial issue also does not stand aside. Moreover, if the money is returned, reminders that he once helped out will be permanent.

• Control of plans. The abuser will always strive for his vision of life. Since it is convenient and profitable for him. At their direction, the victim often drops out of school or changes jobs. Simply because he decided so.
• Wine. Everyone is to blame except him. He is generally white and fluffy and stood aside. Even if the guilt is obvious.
• Bad habits. The abuser does not wash, so by skating, threats and other tricks he tries to add alcohol or drugs to his partner.
• Narcissus. Selfishness and self-admiration are off the charts.

A husband-abuser is another matter. This one begins to manifest itself in all its glory much later. Many women have no idea who they are getting married to. Moreover, the abusiveness of a spouse can be acquired on the basis of beginning alcohol, a difficult life situation, a decrease in self-esteem, and a lack of self-realization.

The trouble crept up if the husband:

• Completely controls the family budget;
• Ignores household chores;
• The wife is the source of all problems;
• Deprives the spouse of communication with relatives;
• Jealous of every pillar;
• Requires a full account of the day spent;
• Cruel to children and pets

• The mood changes as if by clicking;
• Allows assault;
• After the quarrel, he pretends that nothing has happened.

The worst thing is that it is extremely difficult to convince such a person that he has serious health problems. These people are sure that everything that happens is the fruit of a wrongly built relationship. And on the part of his wife, and he has nothing to do with it.

The whole trash is also in the fact that a woman has practically no protection from law enforcement agencies. Domestic violence is equivalent to an administrative violation. The most you can do is write a statement. After that, the spouse will be summoned to the district police officer for debriefing, shaking his finger, and the wife will be offered to punish the offender with a fine. Moreover, in favor of the state. It turns out an interesting twist: not only did the woman suffer from the tyrant, but also a tidy sum will go from the family budget for a fine. Well, what awaits her at home after such a feat? Right! Another kick from inadequacy.

Psychological trauma of children, if the family has abusive relationships4

Children. Here are the most vulnerable people. If a woman can still repulse her tyrant spouse and attach him with a frying pan, then the guys cannot. Psychological trauma in children is such that their influence on later life is simply fatal. A high percentage of adolescent suicide is directly related to abusive family relationships. Many children are severely developmental. And all because endless fear does not allow babies to develop normally according to their age. The result is one: growing up, the child himself becomes an abuser. After all, he did not have another family model.

Family behavior model of life with an abuser5

There can be only one recommendation here: run without looking back. Children in an armful and away from this nightmare. It is advisable not to just move out. Better to change the city. The point is that the abuser does not intend to lose their favorite victim. They tend to ruffle her nerves constantly, with enviable constancy.

If the escape is impossible due to some objective reasons, then you should not try to adapt to the abuser. Many women adopt the tactics of conciliation and submission. Easier to do as it requires. There will be fewer scandals. Nothing of the kind: everything will remain in place. Or maybe even portions of kicks and humiliation will increase many times over. There is an explanation for this. The abuser loves the weak and the submissive. But to ignore the abuser is a good decision. If you do not succumb to his provocations, or give a worthy rebuff, of course, if it is safe for life, then there is every chance to put the monster in his place. Then cold neutrality is possible.

Life after "moral death" in an abusive relationship_171_187

Statistics are stubborn things. She says that most often those women who have been in them either from childhood or from youth get into abusive relationships. Every time she steps on the same rake just because she is firmly stuck in abusing. And this is not her fault, there was simply no other model before her eyes. Especially if the father and mother had an abusive relationship.

Breaking this circle is possible only by completely ending the relationship in which the specter of abusing has loomed.

If, nevertheless, it was possible to erase the abuser from the life, then you need to understand for yourself that all the horrors that happened have nothing to do with the victim itself. Low self-esteem or its complete absence is a consequence of the shocks suffered. This is the attitude that the abuser suggested. It is enough for a woman to just breathe, straighten her shoulders and begin to restore self-love. You need to do everything that the tormentor did not allow: go shopping, go to a bachelorette party, change jobs, start learning something new. There are many options for the development of events. You have to choose with pleasure. And if there is an opportunity to arrange a trip for yourself, then go ahead for tickets. The biggest mistake that can be made during this period is to make contact with the tyrant again. And they are still cunning. They know how to ask for forgiveness. But their words are worthless. Trust - 0 !!

A woman who is in an abusive relationship is advised to start attending psychological support groups for survivors of domestic violence, if necessary, involve a specialist doctor, for example, a psychiatrist. And there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes the destructive power of abusing simply destroys a woman. Anyway, every woman deserves simple female happiness. And to throw your life at the mercy of the abuser is not worth it.