Table of contents:
- Geography of infidelity: where they change more often and why
- Tradition, religion? No, just physiology2
- Sexism on the march or where feminism has not yet reached3
- Serve me, serve … 4
- Sadness-longing overcame5
- Do not wake up dashing6
- Only sex and nothing else7
- It's a sweet word for revenge8
- Myths and justification for cheating9
Video: What Reasons Can Lead A Person To Treason Or Betrayal
Cheating can be treated in different ways, as well as reacting to the fact of cheating on the part of a partner. The attitude towards this issue is often determined by the traditions of the country, upbringing and environment. Therefore, for some, the question "Why do people change?" does not make sense at all - they change because they want and can. For others, it is accompanied by tremendous mental pain and personal tragedy.
The content of the article
- 1 Geography of infidelity: where they change more often and why
- 2 Traditions, religion? No just physiology
- 3 Sexism on the march or where feminism has not yet reached
- 4 Serve me, serve …
- 5 Sadness-melancholy prevailed
- 6 Do not be dashing
- 7 Just sex and nothing else
- 8 It's a sweet word for revenge
- 9 Myths and Justification for Cheating
Geography of infidelity: where they change more often and why
To understand the reasons and try to change the circumstances - it was for this that Esther Perel spent six years researching such a complex issue as treason. The result of her hard work is described in the book Right to Left. Why do women and men cheat and is it possible to avoid cheating”.
In fact, the mistress is "accepted" into the family and plays the role of a distant relative: they do not meet in person, but you can send "greetings". As in a bearded anecdote: “My wife writes SMS to her mistress:“I bought ours new panties with a pocket. You will be with him - check it out. " The mistress replies: “Panties are awful! There's candy in the pocket - it's for you."
Attitudes towards cheating in different countries can be radically different: bitter sympathy, submissive humility, sympathy, and even overt enthusiasm in this matter. In some countries (for example, in Bulgaria), women with philosophical humility treat male infidelity and believe that this is almost an obligatory part of married life.
The country founded by the Puritans (USA) loves to admire Pahabism on the covers and on the screen, but the attitude towards betrayal is very, very negative. Suffice it to recall the high-profile scandal involving the 42nd President of the United States, Bill Clinton, and intern Monica Lewinsky. And an ordinary person can earn the title of a traitor or a traitor for a simple kiss.
In France, the topic of betrayal can revive any conversation and arouses the keenest interest in people of all age groups, they look at betrayal with condescension. There they treat her as a spicy addition that can revitalize relationships.
In England, on the contrary, it is not customary to change. In many ways, this attitude of the British is due to their upbringing and respect for private life and property. Not unimportant is the fact that the British are very careful in choosing a permanent couple and marry late, and until that moment lead a very riotous lifestyle. Therefore, there is no point in changing - everyone has already tried and tasted, but if the betrayal is committed, then this is either a very big love or a very sober calculation. Just out of boredom in England they rarely change.
In Japan, in general, it is not the fact of betrayal that is outraged, but the fact that the partner did not find the creative potential in himself to hide this unfortunate event. The reasons for betrayal can be very diverse and confusing, and sometimes completely incomprehensible to a person from the West.
Official statistics in which country the most change does not exist in nature. However, there are private attempts to understand this delicate issue. The book “Lust in Translation. The Rules of Infidelity from Tokyo to Tennessee, written by Pamela Dukerman, is one such attempt. The author claims that it is best for those who like to “walk to the left” live in Africa and Latin America. Perhaps the hot weather is favorable, or maybe the traditions have developed that way. But the fact is that men and women cheat there in about the same way.
In some countries, the topic of betrayal is generally prohibited, since for such behavior you can get a prison sentence, a fine, or even face the death penalty. Therefore, there is no international statistics on this issue and probably never will be.
The latest research on who changes more often is given in our article at the link.
Tradition, religion? No, just physiology2
Diego Rivera (a famous Mexican artist) in the film "Frida" confesses to his beloved that he cannot be faithful because of his physiology. Although they were a great hoaxer and ladies' man, in this matter he showed the gift of foresight. Scientists, in the end, began to study this phenomenon and tried to find a connection between the physiological characteristics of a person and his tendency to cheat.
At the University of Oxford (England), an attempt was made to find a relationship between anatomical parameters and the frequency of cheating. A study of body characteristics and questioning about 500 people allowed scientists to find a connection between the structure of the palm and the tendency to cheat. If the index finger is longer than the ring finger, then the person is a potential traitor. True, this dependence turned out to be true only for women, but for men, no features of the body indicating a tendency to cheating were found.
Scientists from the University of Binghamton (USA) went further than their English colleagues and conducted genetic research to determine the tendency to cheat. The result of their work is impressive: the tendency to cheat may indeed not depend on upbringing, but be the result of a mutation in the 11th chromosome of DNA.
People in whom the mutation affects this chromosome become fans of “tickling their nerves”, as they are especially sensitive to dopamine. Dopamine is one of the "happiness hormones" and cheating is one of the ways to spur its production. True, this is not the only way to get a surge of this hormone. Such people can be faithful spouses, but at the same time have a propensity for drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling and impulsive acts.
Sexism on the march or where feminism has not yet reached3
Discussion and condemnation of adultery often nullifies all attempts to equalize men and women in rights and freedoms. Even in countries where adultery is considered unacceptable for both men and women. Women are punished more for this offense and more condemned. This is despite the fact that infidelity on the part of a man occurs more often.
Even in attempts to find the reasons for cheating, you can often find women condemned for wrong actions towards men.
For example, a common reason: the wife pushes her husband into cheating scandals. Of course, because at home a man has responsibilities and obligations. Responsibility to the wife to take care of, to the children to be raised. And the wife, such a shrew, demands and demands everything: attention, affection, understanding, and help. If you don’t give something, a scandal starts. How not to go and seek solace in a quieter haven?
Or here's another - a lack of tenderness. A man does not receive attention from a woman, she repels him with her "unfemininity" and he is looking for femininity on the side. That's really how she dared not give tenderness to a man after a working day and subsequent "rest" around the house. After all, he came, lay down on the sofa and waits for her (tenderness). Be good, come and provide. Can not? Are you tired? He will go to another for tenderness and femininity. That “other” is easier, because it will not be required to provide for life.
In this case, the woman is accused of betraying her husband, the mistress becomes a savior and man's best friend, and the man has nothing to do with it, because his wife herself pushed him into someone else's bed. For the same offense a woman will be condemned much more strongly and no one will even look at the excuse in the form of a spouse who “does not pay attention”.
The common misconception that husbands can cheat just like that, and women only out of great love, has the same sexist roots. A man changing right and left will be called a macho man. A woman who does the same will receive many unflattering epithets indicating corrupt women, even if she does it out of love for art and did not take a dime.
What is treason, let's dot the I's in our next article.
Serve me, serve … 4
The wife is clever, beautiful, she will not say a bad word, she supports her husband in everything, and her husband walks. Or, on the contrary, the husband carries in his arms, provides for everyone, blows away the dust particles, and the wife cheats. Why seemingly walk out of the obvious paradise? Unfortunately, not everything is so obvious to the participants in this triangle.
A person is so constructed that he can get used to almost anything and begin to take everything that happens to him for granted. For conjugal relations and marriage, this position is destructive. A harmonious relationship begins to turn into a relationship between a master and his servants.
The one who is being taken care of begins to perceive the partner only as an object with useful options: bring, serve, provide, caress. Such a spouse is no longer perceived as a sexual object. Indeed, how can you even sleep with a microwave oven, a robot vacuum cleaner or a money-making machine? Therefore, sexual pleasure has to be sought outside.
Such overconfidence rarely leads to good. Sooner or later, the traitor will be caught "hot", as the feeling of permissiveness and impunity reduces the ability to conspiracy to zero.
Cheating for fun is not such a rare thing. Someone fills their leisure time with sports, art, handicrafts, reading, learning something new. Someone has enough talent only to jump into someone else's bed.
Excuses can be different: the partner is too busy, not enough attention, not enough "thrill". The only objective reason for this behavior is extreme infantilism. Small children up to a certain age cannot organize their own leisure time and adults must provide it. The child grows up and learns to occupy himself on his own, but apparently not everyone grows up. Some continue to look for adults who will provide their leisure time even with playing the piano, even with sex - it does not matter, such individuals still do not have their will.
Do not wake up dashing6
Oddly enough, but sometimes thoughts of infidelity arise from the pathological jealousy of a spouse, and not vice versa. Constantly looking for signs of infidelity, bringing a partner with fits of jealousy, finding obvious and hidden signs of infidelity where they are not there and making a scandal is the way to nowhere. A husband or wife may get tired of suffering for nothing and real betrayal will not keep itself waiting.
Only sex and nothing else7
Among the reasons that can lead to adultery, there are those that could be called physiological. For example, sexual incompatibility of partners. When the temperament, physical capabilities and preferences of one partner do not meet the needs of the other.
Such incompatibility is far from uncommon, but when partners agree among themselves on "free relations" - these are isolated cases. In theory, such a relationship means that each of the partners can seek satisfaction with other people, but in practice, few people manage to comply with these rules. Jealousy and resentment cannot be avoided if partners value each other.
It's a sweet word for revenge8
Among the reasons can be called "revenge betrayal": when the betrayal of one is a response to the betrayal of another. To take revenge, to make you experience the same torment is the main reason for this behavior. Even if the result is achieved, and the wrong partner suffers, this behavior does not bring relief to the cheater. The pain of cheating may not disappear and a feeling of guilt towards the lover who was used may be added to it. Maybe contempt for his own person grows, since succumbing to overwhelming feelings, he gave up his own principles.
Myths and justification for cheating9
In what ways do the traitors try to justify themselves. As soon as they do not try to "whiten" their deceived partners. There are several common myths that are often used to answer the question of why people cheat:
1. All men are polygamous. Notes from the animal kingdom are cited as the main reasoning: alpha males should fertilize as many females as possible in order to reproduce. First, this behavior is not typical for all representatives of the animal world. Among animals, there are many examples of stable couples and monogamous relationships. Second, human "alpha males" are terrified of impregnating someone. So examples from the life of animals are not suitable for people.
2. The polygamy of women is the basis of natural selection. The theory looks scientific: scientists studied the behavior of sperm and came to the conclusion that nature has provided for the need for a woman to have sex with several partners at once. In such circumstances, the best conditions are provided for the conception and selection of the most "tenacious". Although no serious research has been carried out on this issue, the justification is very convincing.
3. I don’t change my soul, and sex doesn’t mean anything. What does this even mean? !! That at the moment of betrayal, the soul is separated from the body and is located somewhere else. In general, a soul without a body occurs only in one case, when the body dies. Do they usually cheat in full health or do zombies really exist? Or by changing a person becomes just a kind of "organism", without feelings and aspirations, and has the same "organism"? Trying to justify your behavior in this way only aggravates the situation. Such a person actually admits that he does not love and is unable to love either another person, or himself, or his own choice.
4. No sex - goodbye health. A very popular kind of excuse for everyone on a business trip or on watch, everyone who is expecting a partner from a long trip, everyone who has a pregnant wife or a sick husband. In general, a convenient excuse: what could be more important than concern for health? To dispel it, one can recall ascetics, ascetics and ministers of various religions who take a vow of abstinence. Not only did no one die from lack of sex, but they also differ in excellent health and longevity. Harm to health from abstinence is possible only in one case: if you sacredly believe in this harm and constantly think about it.
Interesting facts about why men cheat can be found in our article.