Table of contents:
- Why does love pass? I
- Common interests2
- Need to sleep together3
- Learn to Forgive in a Day4
- Hugs, touches and kisses5
- Personal space6
- Positive thinking7
- Jokes and laughter8
- Nice little things9
- Total Recall10
Meeting an elderly couple walking on the way, we wonder how they managed to carry their love through the years, to maintain a warm relationship. What is love? In fact, these are chemical processes taking place inside a person, which weaken over time, and we stop feeling passion.
The content of the article
- 1 Why does love pass?
- 2 Common interests
- 3 Sleep together
- 4 Learn to Forgive in a Day
- 5 Hugs, touches and kisses
- 6 Personal space
- 7 Positive thinking
- 8 Jokes and laughter
- 9 Nice little things
- 10 Total Recall
The presence in the life of a husband or wife becomes a habit, a self-evident factor. And this is where the very “everyday life” begins that destroyed so many couples. If you do not know how to keep love, the spouses are unlikely to be able to go all the way from the wedding to the end of life. We will learn how to maintain the family hearth so that it does not smolder, but burns, and everyone around could only envy the couple's happiness.
Why does love pass? I
Many people confuse such concepts as "love" and "passion". Let's figure out these types of feelings so that we can understand exactly whether it is love that passes, or the light of that insane attraction to each other simply dies out.
Starting to meet, the couple feels a slight love. It manifests itself in the agony of waiting for a meeting, in a slight trembling of hands when a partner touches her, in sparks in his eyes only at the sight of his lover. This is how the very "chemistry" that we talked about at the very beginning of the story begins to affect the human body. The couple gets to know each other, and further passion flares up between them.
Passionate relationships are often accompanied by real "Brazilian passions". This is jealousy, the inability to restrain her impulses. Quarrels based on any trifle, attempts by a couple in each other to change something, which rarely ends in success. If you survive this phase, this storm, then the "boat" of the relationship will sail into a calm harbor called "Love."
There may not be crazy passion in love. What is the essence of love? This is such a relationship between a man and a woman, where it is simply impossible to continue without each other. Feelings are very deep, trusting, there comes a willingness to be around throughout life, to create a common life.
But you still have to "swim out" from the harbor, because life does not stop there. Not a single couple will be able to “sail on a calm sea” all the time. Each is faced with "running aground" (when you simply cannot imagine how to proceed, a dead end ensues in the relationship), strong storms (quarrels, betrayal, distrust).
But after all, without all this, it would be simply unbearably boring and monotonous, and the spouses feel cramped in their calm world, they begin to rush to freedom, look for adventure and entertainment. Next, let's talk about how to preserve love in any conditions of family life, whether it is “stable calm”, or frequently changing “weather conditions”. But first, let's answer the question posed earlier about where does love go?
We figured out the differences between love and passion. If passion can completely disappear, which happens all the time, then true love will never pass. It's just that people get used to each other, and do not notice the close relationship between them. Many make the mistake of parting against the background of insipid feelings, looking for another "love" (and they only find passion, which is proved by the multiple cases of husbands returning to their wives from their mistresses to whom they left).
Others break up due to a lack of trust in their spouse (cheated, cheated, and so on). But in each case, when parting, there is a terrible mental pain, although until that moment it seemed that there were no more feelings. And love persists throughout life, we understand this when meeting with the "former", there are memories.
But few people can carry their love through the years together without parting. We will reveal the secrets of happy couples who continue to value closeness next to each other, and simple psychology will help us with this.
How to maintain love if the couple has absolutely no common interests? Many will say that this cannot be done, and no matter how strong the connection is, at one point it will simply break off. But in reality this is not at all the case.
Even if you have no points of contact in terms of hobbies, but you are interested in each other, then it is quite possible to keep love. If a guy listens with interest to everything about a girl's day, can comment on something and support her, then this is a huge advantage of a relationship. And vice versa.
For example, a man is engaged in computer programming, cannot imagine a day without a smart machine, and his wife understands him, although she does not understand this issue at all. You can tell her about what new technologies have appeared in IT, and she will listen, and not dismiss with the words “I'm not interested in this,” then everything will work out for the couple.
Show interest in each other's hobbies is important. A couple should be for each other someone with whom you can not only have unrestrained sex, but also with whom you can talk on any topic, you should be interesting to each other, and you do not need to have common hobbies for this.
Of course, if you are interested in something in common, this will also be a huge plus. After all, you can jointly do what you love, spend evenings discussing.
Need to sleep together3
Psychologists say that sleeping next to each other strengthens love even more than sex. This is a more intimate moment, where the partners are relaxing by their side. Even if you had a fight, do not rush to take the pillow and proudly walk towards the sofa. The path facing the wall, even without saying good night, let the storm rage inside, but always go to bed together! And you will notice that in the morning the anger has subsided, the resentment does not seem so strong, and the desire to beat a loved one disappears by itself.
You should always go to bed correctly. This should be a ritual, and not the usual flop on the bed with turning against the wall. How to keep love if every night you just go to bed next to each other, leaving "Good night" in between? Pretty hard. Therefore, spare no time and effort for a couple of kisses, a few pleasant words in your spouse's ear, stroking his hand.
No matter how difficult the day is, after these actions both will become calmer, a smile will appear, and your mood will improve. And all because everyone will understand that the only one is nearby who will remain there under any circumstances, this is a reliable rear!
But what to think if your partner is sleeping separately? We will answer this question in the next article!
Learn to Forgive in a Day4
When we have any trouble, we like to say that the morning is wiser than the evening. In many cases, this works because it is easier to think about problems with a fresh mind. But this proverb does not work in terms of forgiving a loved one for any wrongdoing.
Of course, love will not pass overnight, but for a long time there will be a feeling of heaviness and dissatisfaction inside. In the morning nothing will change, and you will still “sulk” at each other. Learn to forgive your loved one, albeit not immediately, but before going to bed. Discuss problems in a couple in the evening, in no case should you swear (no matter how much you want).
Learn to overcome resentment, understand your partner, hear and listen. And really goodbye, don't pretend. And to make it easier to do this, you need to hug and sit like this for a while. You can talk quietly about something, you can just keep quiet, even cry. But do not leave the grudge at night, it destroys the relationship slowly, painfully and surely.
Hugs, touches and kisses5
In any couple, over time, the need to hug and kiss disappears somewhere. This should not happen, because it is through tactile contact that we exchange energy, give and receive heat. Psychologists, in response to the question of how to keep love, answered this way: do not lose the tactile connection with each other. Sometimes just one hug of a loved one can give strength to live, help to forget about problems and sadness. Don't ever forget this.
You need to be able to cuddle at any time of the day, not just before bed. You can hug your spouse while she is cooking in the kitchen, your husband while watching a movie or playing computer games. Just walk up and hug. This is not difficult. The same goes for kissing. They may not be passionate, but the usual smacking on the cheek, lips or nose, but they must certainly be every day, and it is better not once.
Hold hands while walking to the store, watching a movie or sports show. Touch each other in between activities throughout the day.
An experiment was conducted in America to find out how to keep love. More than 100 couples participated, who had already filed for divorce and were serious about separation. According to the conditions of the experiment, it was necessary to maintain a tactile connection for 2 weeks: hug at least twice a day, exchange kisses several times (especially important before going to bed and in the morning), hold hands while walking.
As a result, more than 80% of couples who were on the verge of parting took the divorce papers and continued to live together.
Speaking about how to preserve love, we must not forget about such a factor as personal space. No matter how good it is together, no matter how much you want to keep your loved one constantly close, you need to be able to relax from each other.
The first thing to remember is trust. Without it, you simply cannot let the faithful go fishing with your friends, go hiking, and just play cards. You need to overcome fear in yourself, but not make your loved one make excuses, prove your loyalty and devotion. You can calmly discuss your experiences, but still give free rein. Keeping your partner stably close and not giving a “breath of fresh air” will eventually start to really strain.
If your husband is going to spend an evening with friends, there is no need to say "Oh, do what you want!" Usually, after such words, it is really scary to do what is intended, and he, most likely, will stay at home with a displeased face. Look for the pros that he won't be at home, because this is a great reason to invite a friend, or go to her yourself.
Just as calmly, men need to let the faithful go to get-togethers with the girls, and at the same time try not to call her every half hour.
Learn to spend time apart from each other and make it a tradition. It's enough to let your loved one unwind once or twice a month once or twice a month. This will become the virtue of your relationship.
Even in the most difficult situations, you need to look positively at what is happening. For example, the loss of a job by one of the spouses. It will be difficult financially until a new place is found, but we must not lose heart! Do not "nag" your loved one for this, it is not his fault. Support, say that everything will be fine, you will overcome everything together.
Tortured with loan payments? This is not a reason to "gnaw" each other. Look around you, because the money in the bank was taken for something (furniture, apartment, car, and so on), and realize that finances go for a reason, but they are only invested in material things. But all this is yours, earned on your own! It will immediately become more pleasant and easier to carry the next payment to the ATM.
Jokes and laughter8
You need to be able to talk not only about serious topics. Discuss funny cases, remember something funny both from a shared past and from one where you have not met yet. In any situation, you need to be able to joke, laugh together. If it doesn't work out, watch a good comedy, and then you can discuss it.
It will also be useful to joke towards each other, but only jokes should be kind.
Nice little things9
Think about what your partner can be happy about. These should not be expensive gifts, but pleasant little things. For example, you can brew delicious tea, just the kind that your husband / wife likes (not in bags, but a really tasty drink, with pieces of fruit or herbs).
Haven't you been to the cinema for a long time? This is a reason to buy tickets. Have a picnic in nature with the whole family, visit relatives with whom you have not seen for a long time. Have a pillow fight, fool around from the heart.
Even in the most impasse situations, when you do not see a further future, you need to think carefully about how to maintain love and relationships. Remember all the pleasant moments spent together. Remember why you started dating and got married, what kept you together all these years.
Sit nearby, hug (think about tactile contact), and together remember your happy past. Talk about why you are at a dead end, discuss options for getting out of it. Perhaps you need to go on vacation together, or, conversely, spend some time apart.
If you thought about how to keep love, and began to look for information about this, then all is not lost for your couple. You do not want to part, and this is already good, and you will be able to stay together, go through difficulties together! Therefore, it will be extremely appropriate to study the psychology of family relationships and its stages. We read further on the link.