How To Make Up After A Quarrel? TOP 10 Tips From Experts

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How To Make Up After A Quarrel? TOP 10 Tips From Experts
How To Make Up After A Quarrel? TOP 10 Tips From Experts

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Video: 10 ways to have a better conversation | Celeste Headlee 2023, January
How to make up after a fight
How to make up after a fight

Asking how to behave after a quarrel in order to reconcile, we demonstrate a willingness to be the first to contact. Or not. A lot of people try to make up, improve relationships, or something like that, simply because they have to. Well, the children need to have a father, peace in the family, love in a couple, and so on.

The content of the article

  • 1 Bad advice on how to make up after a quarrel with a husband or wife
  • 2 Normal folk wisdom about quarrels
  • 3 The most important advice for all couples
  • 4 Dove of peace, where are you going?
  • 5 If all else fails and you really want to complain
  • 6 Way and stomachs
  • 7 Good advice is not in our tradition
  • 8 A good way out for independent
  • 9 Does it fail again?
  • 10 Divorce or quarrel

Psychologists say that before you put up, you need to find out your true motivation. And only then will it be possible to improve relations and stop broadcasting your weak position to this world, when you seem to be trying to make peace, doing everything to make it possible, but in reality it turns out quite the opposite.

Bad advice on how to make up after a quarrel with your husband or wife

Folk wisdom about sex after a fight works well if the fight is small. Nobody became personal, did not begin to find out why a person always does this, and indeed, passions simply did not have time to flare up. They just had a fight and relieved the tension in bed. A great option for starting a relationship or a situation where there is not much to share.

Of course, conciliatory sex works best. She forgot about his mother's birthday, he was offended and sits, pouting, playing a toy on the phone. She has already put on erotic lingerie and demonstratively defiles in stockings. He sinks into the toy. Now she is also offended, and is establishing total surveillance of her husband. It makes sense that if he does not want conciliatory sex, he has someone. Or not?

The second bad advice - just act as if nothing had happened. He criticized her work in front of all relatives and directly said that it would be better if she was at home, he still provides for his family, and it would be cheaper for him if she did not work. She was very upset, the whole family took his side. Also, her parents started talking about grandchildren when she absolutely did not want to discuss it.

The next day, as if nothing had happened, he began to talk to her about the upcoming weekend and plans for them. Moreover, he began to hint that her parents' advice was the only true one.

unusual couple
unusual couple

She packed up and moved in with her friend, leaving a vague note saying that she "needs to think about the relationship."

Why such a drama? The man simply ignored the girl's signals. She showed with all her appearance that this issue was important for her, and she did not want a repetition of the situation when the whole family was against her, and no one understood her hobbies and attempts at self-realization.

The girl wants her man to show participation, and not ignore and tease her, and even hinted that her career is not successful, and the only lot is diapers and undershirts. Even if in her heart she wants to become a mother, making peace now for her means being humiliated in front of herself.

The third version of harmful popular advice on how to make peace with a guy or a girl after a quarrel is to call on the older generation for help. There is nothing worse than a situation when all friends, older relatives, and the environment are aware of the conflict, and one of its parties loudly calls on the strength of their environment, and demands that they help her, do not leave her in difficult times and necessarily take her side. Is this normal at all? Actually, not really.

unusual couple
unusual couple

Why advice about sex is harmful:

  • The person was seriously offended, he was shown disrespect, a lack of understanding of his priorities, and, perhaps, a lack of love;
  • It may seem to him that solving the issue with sex is an even greater dissonance;
  • Or maybe he just has no desire to have sex if something serious has happened
  • One way or another, the second participant in the quarrel is not expected to give erotic hints, but to admit that they are wrong and have a frank conversation.

This approach to fighting demonstrates:

  • Unwillingness to take responsibility;
  • An attempt to push a partner, force him to take his side under the authority of the authorities of relatives and friends;
  • Threats, such as social isolation and family ostracism

Normal folk wisdom about quarrels2

It is not customary among the people to wash dirty linen in public, that is, to discuss conflicts with a partner with neighbors, parents and friends. This is a good option if it is not about psychological or physical abuse.

Popular wisdom does not work if:

  • The reason for the quarrel was the rigid and constant disregard for the interests of one of the partners;
  • The essence of the problem lies in the constant humiliation of only one person, and not in the difference of interests;
  • The conflict escalated to physical violence

Any assault, even "joking", should not be ignored. Unfortunately, psychologists are unanimous here - the injured party must collect things and leave the person who was able to get into a fight in a quarrel. Of course, in our country, domestic violence is not something out of the ordinary, but here we must clearly understand that if a person considers it permissible to hit a partner, he will continue to do it again.

In cases where the reason for the offense was something not terrible, for example, they quarreled to the death over which concert to go to on the weekend, you should not call all your girlfriends and friends, and create a group in Viber called “My husband is a social phobia with poor musical taste."

unusual couple
unusual couple

And if passion has simply died out in your relationship, when there is not even sex with your wife, then it is worth taking our advice from the next article into service.

The most important advice for all couples3

It so happens that squabbles are an indicator of the absence of the most important thing, love. If she is annoyed by everything about him, from an insufficiently large salary to a completely inappropriate occupation, perhaps the point is not in the lady's quarrelsomeness, but in the fact that she lives with her partner of convenience. Then all the seething passions are provoked subconsciously. The woman broadcasts to him: "Go away, but you can leave your iPhone and your bag." He usually leaves.

This situation is a cause for thought. Everyone has their own motives for entering into a relationship and their continuation. Few people use some kind of universal formulas or something similar. But even if the relationship was not established because of love, but for some reason, the inability to establish contact is a direct indicator of what needs to be tied to it.

If a quarrel develops into an eternal scandal, and you don’t want to put up, but “you have to, because what people think”, you don’t need to put up. Find the strength to stop it all, breathe freely, and start an already worthy relationship.

Dove of peace, where are you going? 4

Reconciliation will not be easy. Even if the partner is a light, cheerful person, the first days after a quarrel, it is better to refrain from trying to contact. The exception is when steps are taken to meet the “victims” themselves in a quarrel.

You don't need to do the following:

  • To say standard phrases about "I realized my guilt, measure, degree, depth";
  • Wordlessly promise to improve;
  • Get your partner with calls and SMS if they no longer communicate with you

Deeds work better. For example, they quarreled over her love of attending all the parties of this universe and cheeky dancing on the bar counter while very drunk. She really realized, and began to go to the gym and decent bars in the evenings, where they drink a glass of wine and talk, rather than dance half-naked. After this event, you can make peace.

unusual couple
unusual couple

Or his wife stopped talking to him, as he promises to start walking with the child for a whole week, but instead sits with a friend on a bench, drinks beer, and the child sleeps next to drinking and smoking men in a stroller. He takes a stroller and really starts walking, without a cigarette, beer, friend, or third parties.

If all else fails and you really want to complain5

Remember you are not in school. Mom will not pat on the head, and will not say that the neighbor's boy is just a bully, and his behavior - pulling pigtails, constantly calling names, and not letting go is not appropriate.

Relatives can be a catalyst for deepening quarrels. If all the relatives are aware that on Wednesday evening, instead of taking out the trash and taking the child for a walk, the husband came home and fell asleep, probably drunk, no one would be better off from this. Reproaches from relatives and escalation of the conflict will not help the family "somehow strengthen itself."

Need to speak out? Post to an anonymous counseling forum, or start writing short stories on a blog. It works much better than telling your friends in all details the story of your life and misadventures with your husband, all his friends and relatives.

Way and stomachs6

The advice from the "homebuilding plus" area says that it is imperative to cook a bunch of food and try to seduce a man with her, even if she does not want to cook, but there is a great desire to knock over a frying pan on the head of the faithful.

unusual couple
unusual couple

Why shouldn't you follow the "homebuilding" advice? So the subconsciousness of the second side of the conflict will complete everything itself. It looks like she will want to return everything, strengthen and make peace, but in her soul she will be furious because of the need to get up at 6 and fry the damned cheesecakes for a person who did not even remember what they had quarreled about.

Good advice is not in our tradition7

There is such a profession - a family psychologist. In the civilized world, they go to him to improve relations, if kittens really improve them. He helps the participants in the quarrel to start communicating with each other again without accusations or any scandals.

A psychologist is a way out, when the situation unfolds like a snowball, you can't somehow restrain yourself, and the conflict is so great that it smells like parting.

Important: this should not be a friend of one of the partners or spouses. You need a third party. If "no money" - write together on the psychological help forum, or call the hotline. But not friends, mothers and girlfriends.

unusual couple
unusual couple

Not a bad way out for independent8

Do both understand that you want to make peace, and you need to somehow overcome the conflict? You just need to sit down together and formulate a complaint in writing. Preferably point by point. Without personal transitions.

We must start with the words “I feel that …” and not “you are so and so”.

Further, it is worth exchanging letters and answering, also on paper. Why breed bureaucracy? This will help to concentrate on the problem, and solve it thoughtfully, and not just talk, swear and disperse again.

Doesn't it work again? 9

Those who swore "tightly", do not communicate, and have no option to contact, must find him, but carefully. Let time pass, passions subside, spouse or partner will stop reacting painfully. And then you can already talk, find out what was the reason and not do this anymore.

An exception may be treason. No matter how much we are called upon to wisely forgive for the sake of children, but block the cheater or cheater on social networks, stop answering calls, throw things away, and file for divorce is the norm. Not all people believe that betrayal can be survived.

Of course, many act in the spirit of "I love …" and try to "forgive", but you need to accept a different point of view. It is justified, especially if the other side of the conflict continues to ignore moral norms.

view from below
view from below

Divorce or quarrel10

There is a certain category of exalted people who are always trying to get a divorce because of an unwashed cup, unwashed garbage, and quarrels over who to walk the dog. You need to know your partner well.

Such "brawlers" are not bad or ill-mannered people, but simply too temperamental. “Lucky” to meet with such a miracle of nature? Better to accept him or her as he is. Constant threats in this case are just a figure of speech. They do not carry anything serious under them.

Do you want to really stop making scandals and start living a normal life? Learn to listen to your partner. His demands are not always an attempt to trample on your civil rights and freedoms. Relationships are for two. If the situation develops in such a way that only one side in them is trying to dictate its own rules and requirements, you need to seriously think about the essence of such a relationship.

So, in order to know how to make peace with a guy or a girl, you should first understand your motives and exclude the situation of peace for the sake of peace. In addition, you need to formulate the essence of the conflict, and write down your desires and claims of the partner. After that - exchange, and try to find a solution together in writing.

Stop thinking that sexual provocation, delicious food and other "folk" methods really help you to stop fighting. You don't need to run around friends and relatives to make peace. Behave like an adult and everything will be resolved at its best.

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